Page 191 of Hayden's Stalker

“Yeah. Keeping a secret from you is pretty damn hard,” I laugh.

We have a discussion about when everyone had guessed about our relationship, and Ariana says, “I knew for sure when Tatiana was crying in our bathroom because Hayden had gone missing.”

A stab of pain hits my heart to know that Tati was crying over me. I look over at her, and she gives me a small smile.

“You didn’t say anything!” Heather gasps.

“We were kind of busy, and I thought that Hayden and Tati should get to tell everyone themselves when he got back.”

I clutch Tati’s hand tightly as I prepare myself mentally to tell everyone about what happened while I was away from them.

My heart beats faster as I announce, “Speaking of which, I should tell you guys what happened.”

Immediately, the air in the room thickens, and the mood dimes. Tati squeezes my hand as I start to tell them about what happened with Sarah and Dan.

“I remember thinking that I’d rather kill myself than have sex with Sarah,” I admit to a shocked silence when I’m talking about the first day at the cabin, and the memory of having that thought brings me to tears.

“Can you guys give us a moment, and do you mind if we use the spare room, Gabriel?” Tati asks quietly.

“Of course,” he says, and Tati leads me to a room nearby.

She holds me tight while I cry, and the memories are so intense that fear floods through my body just from recalling them.

“You don’t have to do this,” she says.

“Yes, I do. I can’t explain why, but I just need them to know. I don’t know. It feels like they deserve to know what happened, especially since they were drugged by her, too.”

Tati shakes her head. “Nobody is owed anything from you, Hayden. They’ll understand if you can’t tell them.”

I sit on the bed and stare blindly at the pattern in the carpet on the floor. I need Tati to know the worst of it before she hears it with the others. She deserves to know the things I left out of my FBI statement.

“I didn’t tell the FBI everything,” I admit.

Her body stiffens before she quickly relaxes and asks in a measured tone, “Why not?”

I can’t look at her because the guilt is too great, so I keep looking down at the floor. “Because Sarah is dead anyway. I told them everything Daniel did, but Sarah—”

I have to stop talking so I can fight the nausea that crashes over me as I think about it.

“I left out stuff she did.”

“You don’t have to tell me.” Tati’s voice is soothing, as is her familiar floral scent.

A part of me wants to take the out she’s given me, but I also want to ask her to marry me. I can’t do that if she doesn’t knowthat I’m damaged goods. We sit in silence for a long time before I manage to speak again.

“Sarah did stuff with me. When she kissed me, she stuck her tongue in my mouth, and it was awful. She would take me to use the bathroom and watch me go, and she made comments about the size of my cock and golden showers.” I retch and taste bile in my mouth. “I vomited my guts up after the golden showers comment.”

“Fuck, Hayden. I’m so sorry,” Tati says.

She looks up at me, her eyes full of concern and love where I expected to see disgust.

“She wore a see-through outfit the second night. As much as I tried to only look at her face, I couldn’t help but see her naked body. I was so scared,” I admit as tears overwhelm me. “I was sure she was going to rape me.”

Tati holds me tight as the memories flood my mind. I can’t stand them, and the fear is so real even though Sarah’s gone. It’s as real as if I’m back there with her.

When I have the strength to speak again, I tell Tati, “She kissed me a few times when we were in the living room with Dan, but I think she didn’t want to make him jealous, so she didn’t use her tongue then. Remember when I said it was full-on when she made out with him?” Tati nods. “She made him come in his pants while he talked about how good she was in bed.”

The memory of the way she looked at me while she was doing it is awful, and I shudder as it comes to my mind. She wanted me to see and hear, and I’m sure she was fantasizing about me, which I hate.

---