Page 96 of Sebastian's Baby

“This is fucking sick, Lolita.” Becky shakes her head.

“Tell me, Seb. How do you treat her after you’ve fucked her and pulled out and removed the condom? What do you say to her?” Lita tilts her head to the side as she looks at me.

I finally understand, and I really wish I didn’t. The women I’ve slept with come to my mind. Women of all different sizes, hair colors, and races, but in my mind, they’re all wearing the same disappointed look when I sent them on their way.

I can’t bear to look at Lita, so I turn my head away before I swallow heavily. “I get it, Lolita. Fuck. Can you stop now?”

“Not really. I don’t want you to feel like shit, Sebastian, but you know the way you treat them is wrong. This list”—Lita gestures to her phone—“every one of those women is a human being. They have as much value and worth as I do, yet you treat them all like they’re worthless. You’ve done it for years, and you need to stop. I really don’t care about you sleeping with other women, but I do care about you treating women like shit. That’s not the example I want you to set for our baby, whether the baby is a boy or a girl.”

As usual, her words cut deep. Hearing her tell me that she thinks I’m a bad example for our future child is bad; even worse is realizing that it’s true.

“Wow,” Becky breathes. “And you accused me of being cruel.”

Lita looks around at her friend. “You should probably go now, Becky. I love you, but Sebastian and I need some time alone right now.”

Becky doesn’t argue this time, looking relieved to be escaping this shitshow as she nods and comes over to the sofa to give Lita a hug.

“Bye, guys,” she says quietly before walking out the door.

I’m left alone with Lita and I don’t know what she’s going to say to me. How much worse this night will get. I don’t want to think about what an asshole I am or that her opinion of me the night we met was probably right.

I look at the rug on the floor again as we sit in silence after Becky’s departure. I follow the intricate patterns, interwoven with one another, with my gaze as I wait for Lita to say something.

“I’m sorry, Seb. I didn’t mean to hurt you,” she finally says.

Of course she didn’t. She just has a habit of pointing out my flaws to me in a way that no one else does.

“You never do, princess.”

“Everything I said is true, though. Sleep with whomever you want, but you need to be able to look yourself in the mirror and be okay with the man you see there,” Lita frowns. “Why do you treat women so badly?”

I give up on the rug and look at Lita. She has no problem phrasing her question that way because, to her, it’s true. Meanwhile, I honestly didn’t think I treated women badly until about a minute ago.

“I don’t know, Lita. I never saw a problem with it until you came along. You told me it was ‘glorified masturbation,’ and even then, I was just determined to show you it wasn’t. Sex with you was like nothing else I’d experienced. We had so much fun, and it was kind of epic.” This brings a smile to my face despite how shit I’m feeling. “When we finished, I didn’t want you to leave. So, I didn’t ask you to go. I can’t explain it. I woke up next to you, and I was so happy to get to fuck you again. Then, well, you know what happened next.”

“That doesn’t answer my question, though; why do you treat women so badly, Seb?” Lita frowns again.

I don’t want to delve any deeper into this. Into the reason I feel the need to sleep with so many women. Into why I don’t do relationships. So I shrug my shoulders at her.

“I’m just an asshole, I guess.”

It’s a copout, and Lita knows it.

“Fuck off with that shit, Sebastian, and answer me.”

“You said I didn’t have to explain myself,” I say with a grimace, and I hope that she’ll let me off the hook.

“To Becky, you don’t. To me, you do. You are beholden to me, Sebastian Fox, and you know it.”

I know this is true, but I don’t want to have this conversation. She’s forcing me to think about things that I have kept hidden for a long, long time.

“Look, if you don’t want to answer me today, that’s fine. We can table this conversation for another day.” Lita smiles at me.

She waits patiently while I think about it. She doesn’t pressure me to talk, and I consider taking her up on her offer. We could put this conversation aside for who knows how long. I could avoid having it altogether and maintain the status quo.

I’ve done that for so long, though. Kept this inside and not spoken a word of it to anyone. I couldn’t tell anyone because it could ruin everything. I feel like I’m going to have to tell Lita at some point, though, because I can’t explain it any other way. As much as it terrifies me, I decide to have the conversation she wants to have.

“I’m scared of getting hurt. I always have been. Loving someone means they have the power to hurt you. So, I don’t give that power to anyone, just my family and my friends, all of whom I consider to be my family.”

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