Page 214 of Sebastian's Baby

“Do you think that I’m not capable of deciding what is and isn’t fair for her to do to me?” I ask in a cold tone.

“Of course you are, but you’ve barely been speaking to me lately. I have no clue what you’re thinking about anything. I honestly don’t understand why you’re still sleeping around all the time. I know that she gave you permission, but I really thought that you would stop after you realized you were in love with her.”

I take a deep breath and blow it out slowly. Heather just has no fucking clue, and I won’t tell her the truth. If I were going to tell someone, it would be Lita. If I tell Heather, she would just tell Lita, anyway.

“You’ve always had Harrison. You’ve never been in love with someone who doesn’t love you back.”

Fuck knows I have, but I won’t say that.

“The first woman that I actually told I was in love with her, and she responds by telling me she loves me but isn’tinlove with me. Then, she basically tells me to fuck other women because she won’t be doing it anymore. So, I went out to get laid like she told me to do.”

I decide to stop my explanation at that first night. Nothing about what I say is untrue this way.

“Well, you fucked up. She was probably going to get into a relationship with you if you hadn’t slept with anyone, you know.” Heather rolls her eyes at me.

A cold feeling creeps down my spine. That can’t be true, because if it is, then my pride has fucked so much shit up.

“That’s not true,” I tell Heather.

“I mean, I can’t say for sure, but she basically said that if you slept with someone else, she wouldn’t be with you. I kind of got the feeling that if you hadn’t, she was going to tell you she was in love with you. Then, you went back to Seattle and started going out to clubs and sleeping with other women, and you were even worse once you got back here.” Heather shrugs at me.

I think back to all the times that Lita told me she wasn’t interested in a relationship with me. Nothing about it seemed as though she was being untruthful, or was even close to being in love with me the way I am with her. Heather has clearly gotten this wrong.

“You’re wrong,” I tell her.

“I don’t think I am, but I have to admit that I’ve been wrong before. I feel like I don’t even know you anymore.” Heather says, but I don’t respond to that comment because I’m still thinking about what she said about Lita.

“You have to be wrong,” I say quietly.

“Why?” Heather gives me a shrewd look.

“Because if you’re not, then I’ve fucked everything up.”

“Maybe, if you’d talked to me sooner, I could have told you this. I miss you a lot, Seb,” she admits and looks upset.

I sigh and move over to her on the sofa, then wrap my arms around her. She hugs me back, and it’s weird because there was definitely a time when I would have enjoyed this feeling a little too much, but now it just makes me miss Lita.

“I can’t explain everything that’s going on with me right now,” I tell her honestly. “Thank you for talking to me today. Whatever happens, Lita and I need to work it out without anyone else interfering, okay?”

“Okay.” Heather nods her head.

“And you’ll always be my lover.” I grin at her.

Heather laughs. “And you’ll always be mine. Okay, we’d better go back to Lita. We’ve kept her waiting long enough.”

I squeeze her again, then stand up. This time, I lead the way as we head back to the main floor. Lita is standing where we left her, looking at her phone and wearing the green dress. She is the most beautiful woman in the world, and I long to have her in my arms again.

Everything is so complicated between us. I think about what Heather told me and feel like it can’t be true. Lita certainly enjoys my company, but she’s made it very clear that she doesn’t want a relationship with me. She imagines a future with another man.

Lita looks up, sees us walking toward her, and she smiles at me. She is definitely the most beautiful woman in the world.

* * *

It’s Friday morning,and we’re back at Doctor Floyd’s office after Lita’s latest scan. He’s giving us a somber look, and I can feel the tension rolling off Lita as she sits next to me. I want to hold her and help her calm down.

“I’d like to schedule surgery for two weeks from today unless any of your scans show any need to do it sooner. We’ll want you in the hospital for two weeks afterward for monitoring and recovery. This way, you’ll be out of the hospital before Christmas Day.”

We’re supposed to be doing Christmas at the Vegas’ house this year. I really fucking hope that I’m not mourning a dead baby, instead.

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