Page 190 of Sebastian's Baby

She’s wriggling about in Lita’s belly, and I smile at the sight of her. I need her to be okay, and I’m terrified that she’s not going to be. I look down at Lita and see that she has that wide-eyed, fearful look on her face again while she clings to my hand.

“Oh, princess,” I whisper.

I reach a hand over to stroke her head while we wait for Dr. Floyd to finish the scan. When he starts scanning Mirabella’s heart, I listen for the arrhythmia, and I can hear it as usual. It doesn’t sound any different, which I’m hoping is a good thing.

Eric turns the scan off, wipes Lita’s belly clean of the gel on it, and encourages her to get up as he says, “No real difference from your scan yesterday. We’ll talk more back in my office.”

Lita’s entire body relaxes when he says the words, and I’m glad she’s relieved. I just can’t stop myself from thinking that the worst-case scenario will happen, and I’m terrified for our little girl.

I hold Lita’s hand as we follow the doctor to his office, and I don’t know who I’m trying to comfort more when I stroke her skin with my thumb, her or me. The fear is coursing through me and keeping me sure that I will never get to hold our baby girl in my arms.

The doctor smiles at us and says, “Well, as I said, there’s little change from yesterday. We wouldn’t expect to see massive changes in a day, however. I’ve looked through all your scans, and the rate of growth of the tumor is concerning.

“I want you to know that if I had to perform surgery today, I would feel comfortable doing so. It wouldn’t be ideal, of course, but it could be done. I do want to warn you, though, that surgery does seem to be an inevitability in your case.”

Lita starts crying, and it feels like the other shoe is dropping.

“Really? You don’t think there’s a chance that Lita might not have to have surgery?” I ask, wanting to confirm that this is really going to have to happen.

Eric sighs. “Look, I wouldn’t say there’s zero chance of anything. What I’ve seen from all of your scans is enough of an indication that it’s incredibly likely that surgery will be needed, and I want to prepare you for that.”

I feel completely unprepared for this reality, though. Despite my pessimism throughout this entire situation, it still stabs me through the heart to hear that Lita and Mirabella are going to have to go through surgery. I don’t know how the fuck I am supposed to handle any of this. If I even think about something happening to one of them, then the pain becomes so unbearably intense that I think I might keel over and die.

“Our goal is to get Lita as far through her pregnancy as we can before that happens. Every day that passes means better odds for the surgery and an easier recovery. It will be a balancing act between waiting as long as possible and not waiting too long.

“We will monitor your baby’s growth, along with the tumor’s growth. While the tumor is growing faster than we’d like, your baby is growing at an acceptable rate as well. Unless that changes, we will probably look to do surgery in your twenty-seventh week of pregnancy, Lita.”

That’s only a month away, and it’s still so fucking early in her pregnancy. It equally feels like we’re going to be waiting in this stressful situation for way too long, but at the same time, I don’t want it to happen. I don’t want the day to come when I might have to hear this doctor tell me that my baby and Lita have died.

“So, if”—Lita stops and sighs heavily—“Whenwe have the surgery, and you remove the tumor, does that fix her?”

Eric smiles at her. “Yes, unless there are any other tumors, your baby should be fine once the tumor is removed.”

“I assume there are risks,” I say, wanting him to tell me that my worst fears are true because I’m a fucking masochist, apparently.

“Yes, all surgery carries possible risks, and those are higher when we’re talking about in utero surgery. As I said, every day that we can keep her safely inside and avoid surgery is a gift. She gets bigger and stronger, those risks get smaller, and the surgery gets easier for me.

“I’m very good at what I do, but I like the odds to be as much in my favor as they can be when I perform surgeries.”

Our appointment ends, and I pay for it at the reception desk with a gloomy cloud of fear and doubt hanging over my head. There’s a new set of patients waiting for appointments now, and they have the same reaction as the first ones. One person even takes a picture of us, and I cringe as we walk past them.

When we reach the main entrance of the hospital, though, we’re swarmed by a combination of paparazzi and fans. Lita clutches onto me, and I’m annoyed because I don’t want this for her. I don’t want any of this, except for our baby girl to be safe and okay.

“Step back!” Daryl’s voice booms as we approach the group of paparazzi.

I place my arm around Lita’s shoulders as I pull her closer to me while she puts her hands protectively on her bump, and I wish I could do that same. We make our way slowly out of the hospital, and we cause a huge scene as other hospital visitors start to take notice of us. They take pictures along with the paparazzi, and there’s an even larger group of people following us now. Lita is shaking, and I’m worried about her as questions are called to us.

“Is there something wrong with your baby’s heart?” asks one person.

Lita stiffens, and I wish they’d stop asking this. We’re not going to confirm it, and they know it. They just want a reaction, and they know that what they’re asking us has to be upsetting.

“Are you two going to get married?”

I wish.

I’m surprised by the thought, and I glance down at Lita. Shit. I never thought that I would ever want a girlfriend, let alone to marry someone, but I want her in my life. This realization is utterly devastating on top of everything else that’s going on because it reminds me of our personal relationship, or lack thereof.

“Marry me instead, Sebastian!” a fan calls out.

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