Page 171 of Sebastian's Baby

I don’t know who I’m trying to convince, though. Her? Or me? I wish that I knew it was the truth, but I don’t, and I’m so scared that I’m going to be wrong about it.

I raise my hand and wipe the tears from Lita’s cheeks. I kiss her softly, then put my arm around her and pull her into me for a hug as we continue to our apartment. As soon as we get there, I dismiss the bodyguards because I know there’s no way that we’ll be going anywhere tonight.

Lita drifts away in the direction of the future nursery, and I let her go. I drop onto the sofa and put my head into my hands to cry quietly. I love our baby girl, and she has a tumor that might kill her. I will pay for the best doctors to do anything they need to do in order to keep her safe, but I’m worried that this is something that money can’t fix. I know with complete certainty that I will not be able to cope if our baby dies, let alone how it will affect Lita.

I need to go check on her, but I need to get my shit together first. I wipe the tears from my eyes, then head to my bedroom and splash my face with water in the bathroom. I wipe my face with a towel and take a couple of deep breaths before I head toward the nursery.

I find Lita sitting on the floor, staring down at her phone. I’m not sure if she’s busy on Google again, but I take it as a good sign that she’s at least interacting with something.

I sit on the floor next to her and ask, “Are you ready to talk, princess?”

She looks up at me, and she doesn’t have that wide-eyed, fearful look on her face anymore. She blinks at me a few times before she swallows heavily.

“Our baby needs a name, Seb.”

I’m so fucking relieved to hear her voice after the appointment this afternoon. My entire body relaxes, and I hadn’t realized how tense I was until this moment.

“She does. How are you feeling?”

“Scared. I just…” Lita trails off, pauses, then takes a deep breath before continuing. “No matter what happens, she needs a name.”

No matter what happens.

The thought of inscribing a name on a tombstone fills me with terror again, but Lita is correct, and I have to keep it together for her. Our baby needs a name.

No matter what happens.

“Let’s go sit on the sofa, and we can find a name together; it’s not comfortable here on the floor.” I give Lita an encouraging smile, and she nods.

I stand and reach down to help her up off the floor. I can see her phone now, and she’s looking at a baby name website. I lead the way to the living room and pull my phone out of my pocket to open up a baby name website as I do.

I sit down on the sofa and pat the empty space next to me, needing her nearness right now. “Come here, princess.”

She sits down next to me, and I hug her, inhaling her sweet floral scent before I let her go so I can focus on picking a name.

“We can get through this,” Lita says quietly to me. “The doctors know what they’re doing. We’re not the first people to have a baby with this condition.”

She’s right. I guess I need to try and have hope, too, no matter how hard it is sometimes.

“That’s right, Lita.” I smile and softly rub her baby bump.

“Okay, let’s pick a name.” She stares down at her phone and says, “We’re definitely going Italian. Aria? It’s got musical connotations.”

I shake my head immediately. “Too close to Ariana. What about Alessia?”

“Good point. Hmmm, maybe Alessia. It’s nice. Carina? Means beloved.”

“I like it. Another maybe?” I suggest.

“Okay, maybe Carina.” Lita opens the Notes app on her phone and starts a list. “Electra? I do like superheroes.”

Her melodic laugh rings out around the room as she says it, and I haven’t heard her laugh since the scan last week. I’ve missed the sound.

“Definitely a maybe if it can bring a smile to your face,” I tell her and can’t resist kissing the top of her head.

“I’m sorry. I can’t have been much fun lately.”

I’m not sure what she means, but if she’s talking about the fact we haven’t had sex since last week, I haven’t bothered trying to get her into bed because she’s been so obviously upset, and I haven’t really felt like it, either.

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