Page 164 of Sebastian's Baby

It’s not that she’s brought it up that hurts. It’s that she still doesn’t seem jealous. Whatever that look was, it wasn’t jealousy, and yet she seems to want to hold it against me. I’m trying to follow all of her rules, and I feel like I can’t do anything right.

I drop my hands from around her waist, walk over to the bed, and sit on the end of it. I run a hand through my hair, then sigh deeply and look at Lita.

“I don’t know what you want from me, Lolita. I told you that I was in love with you, and you told me to sleep with other women. Now it feels like you’re punishing me for that. I’m trying to follow your rules—well, the ones I agree with, at least.” I manage a smile at this. “I’m being discreet. I’m not telling you anything about any other women. I’m treating women with respect. Everything that you wanted, I have done. I don’t know what more I can do.”

“Thank you, Sebastian. I appreciate that, especially the discretion. It means a lot to me that you’re following the ground rules, even if I’m not.” Lita gives me a wry smile.

I sigh again because so much has changed for me since we first made those ground rules, and I wish I could go back in time and just commit to Lita from the moment I met her. Or, at the very least, from the moment she told me she was pregnant. I never in a million years imagined that I would fall in love with her and want this. Now I can’t have it because of that.

“I promised you that I would be discreet, and other than my poorly thought-out speech at the wedding, I’ve been trying to stick to that. I’ve been avoiding being seen near women when I’m at the clubs because that’s how rumors start with me. That timeline of women and finding out that people were posting stories about their time with me online was definitely eye-opening for me.”

Lita sits down on the bed next to me. “I’m sorry if you feel like I’m punishing you. It’s not intentional. I miss being with you too, probably more than I care to admit.”

I turn her words over in my head. She says that she’s not in love with me, but if she misses being with me, then what the fuck is it if not love?

“It sounds an awful lot like you’re in love with me, princess.”

Lita looks away from me, which is how I know that I’m not going to like what I’m about to hear.

“I’m sorry, Seb, but I’m not. I love you. I love sex with you. I’m notin lovewith you because I don’t want to be in a relationship with you, and that hasn’t changed.” Lita looks at her fingers, which she twists together and around each other as she speaks.

The familiar pain of her words crushes my heart when I hear them. I wish I could go back in time to that day on the plane and not realize that I’m in love with her or, at the very least, not tell her when I did.

Maybe we can just pretend it never happened?

“Okay. No more ‘I love yous.’ If I make that a ground rule, will you reconsider sleeping with me?”

“That’s a hell of a bargaining chip,” Lita says. “What are you offering?”

“I will not tell you that I love you, and we can go back to our previous arrangement, including the ground rule of no sleeping with someone else when we’re in the same city.”

It’s not as good as her being in love with me, but I’ll take this arrangement over not being with her at all. Maybe we can even go back to sleeping in the same bed together. She’ll be the best not-girlfriend I’ll ever have.

It’s not like I’m sleeping with anyone else, anyway. All I’ll have to do is keep my love for her hidden. I’m good at that.

I’m disappointed when Lita shakes her head. “No deal, Seb. You not saying it doesn’t change the fact that you said it to me. I know it, and it changed our friendship. I can’t agree to those rules.”

It was worth a try, I guess. If she doesn’t want to go back to that, then she doesn’t get out of hearing me tell her I love her.

“I see. Well, in that case, I will continue to love you, and I will continue to try and get you into my bed. As you can see”—I indicate to where she sits next to me and grin at her—“I am already succeeding.”

“I’m notinyour bed, Sebastian,” Lita laughs.

I grin wickedly at her, then lean close and promise her, “No, but you will be. I will have you screaming my name in ecstasy before you know it, princess.”

Lita shivers, and I chuckle because she’s so responsive to me, and I love that about her.

I move down to kiss her neck. “You did promise to try and take a million dollars off me this weekend.”

I begin to drop soft kisses on her skin that I trail up from her neck and along her jaw before I softly kiss her lips again.

“You keep your promises, always, Lolita.”

“Fuck, Sebastian. How in the shit do you always manage to do this to me?” Lita moans as I kiss my way back down to her neck and softly stroke her thigh with my hand.

“Tell me what I do to you, princess.”

I want to hear her say it.

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