Page 155 of Sebastian's Baby

He doesn’t say anything for a short time, staring out the windows at Chicago before he sighs. “I don’t know what to tell you. You can’t make her love you.”

“Don’t think I don’t fucking know that. I can’t even bring myself to sleep with anyone else, despite the fact that Lita encouraged me to do it.”

Hayden’s head snaps around, and he looks at me. “Huh? Heather said—”

“Heather knows fuck all. As if I want to talk to her about this.”

Whoops. Maybe I’m more drunk than I thought.

I quickly give an explanation so Hayden doesn’t have time to consider what I truly meant.

“She just causes trouble going back and forth between Lita and me. So I don’t want her being involved.”

“Okay, so if you haven’t slept with anyone else, why does everyone think you have?” he asks slowly.

“Do you even know me, Hayden Vega?” I scoff at him.

“More specifically, I’m wondering why Lita thinks you’ve been sleeping with other people.”

I frown at him because I was going to tell her on Sunday that I hadn’t been doing it, but then I didn’t. I could see she was about to reject me, and I didn’t want her to know how much it would hurt.

I pick my drink up and take another sip before I stare at the amber liquid and say, “Pride, I guess.” I look up and fix him with a level stare. “You can’t tell anyone.”

“Why not?” He frowns back at me.

“Do you think I want people to know that I’m so pathetic that I’m in love with a woman who takes every opportunity to tell me what a piece of shit I am? That she literally can’t fall in love with me because of that? I tried to tell her on Sunday, and she didn’t want to hear it. If she wants me to fuck other women, then fine, let her think I’m doing exactly that.”

Once again, he takes his time before responding. “I won’t say anything if you don’t want me to. I do find myself wondering if you want her to be jealous or if you want her to be crying like she was on Sunday night?”

The vision of Lita running away in tears comes to my mind, and I feel guilty that I hurt her, but I quickly remind myself that she was the one who wanted me to do it.

“Yeah, I do want her to be jealous,” I admit. “It would mean that she cared, but she isn’t jealous. When I saw her after the bachelorette, she literally told me that she was fine with the fact that I’d slept with someone else. So, I have no clue why the fuck she would run away crying when I was just doing what she wanted me to do.”

Hayden snorts and shakes his head. “Regardless of how she feels, not many people would react differently when they were publicly humiliated like that.”

“But we’re not together, and she has shut me down whenever I’ve tried to tell her that I’m in love with her. She literally said that me loving her is a bad thing.”

He winces at my words. “I’m sorry, Seb. That must have hurt a lot. It doesn’t change the fact that what you did was terrible. At least she told you that privately. Everyone was watching you two all day because you’re big gossip, and there’s a lot of speculation about you. So for you to basically tell the world that you’re single and down to fuck anyone who passes you by is going to humiliate her.”

He’s right, and I feel terrible that I did that to her. I put my head in my hands and sigh. It’s all so fucked up.

“Okay, so I shouldn’t have made that speech. It doesn’t change our situation, though. I hate this so much. It hurts, Hayden,” I admit while looking at the carpet.

“I’m sorry, bro. I wish I could make it better.”

I sigh and look up at him. “It’s even harder because I can’t just pretend she doesn’t exist. She’s going to be in my life for the next eighteen years, at least.”

“I can imagine.”

“So, I just have to live my life. I’ll do what I’ve always done. Get drunk and have fun. Hopefully, sometime in the future, I’ll feel like sleeping with someone other than Lita.” I shrug my shoulders before I lift my glass to my lips and drain it. “Club Delirium tonight?”

“If you want to.”

We hang out from the afternoon at Hayden’s place, and shortly before he’s finished cooking dinner, my phone rings. I cringe when I see Mom’s name on the screen.

“I’ll be back in a minute,” I tell him, and he nods.

I walk swiftly out of the kitchen and toward the living room as I press the button, and the call connects.

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