Page 129 of Sebastian's Baby

Lita sighs as she looks at the listing for the second apartment. “This one would be perfect if it had more than two rooms.”

“You wouldn’t need more than two rooms if you and I shared one, you know,” I say and raise an eyebrow at her.

“That’s not practical at all. Even if I did agree to share a room with you for now, which you know I don’t, we need to think about the long term. Down the track, I might have a partner that I want to move in with me, and we would definitely need more than two rooms anyway.”

I can barely breathe at the amount of pain this causes. She is picturing a future with a man who isn’t me. She doesn’t consider me to be a possible partner for her at all. It hurtsso fucking much. She’s told me that she can’t fall in love with me, but I’m already jealous of this future man she hasn’t even met yet.

She looks up at me and sees my face. “What?”

“I can assure you that, in your scenario, princess, I won’t be staying in the same apartment,” I say coldly.

As if I’d want to be in the same apartment with her and her fucking boyfriend while they play happy families with my kid.

“But I see your point. Three or more bedrooms it is. One for you, one for me, and one for the baby.”

Lita frowns at me. “I’m sorry, Seb, I just think that purchasing an apartment is a big decision and we need to be practical about it.”

“Of course. It makes complete sense, Lolita. I’ve already said that I’ll only look at three-bedroom apartments; no need to keep talking about it. I’m going out after dinner, so let’s just eat, and I’ll show you any other apartments I find.”

I can’t stay here tonight with her, just knowing that she doesn’t want me. Knowing that she’s envisaging some future with the strange man in her head. I hate him already for having the future I want.

“You’re going out tonight?” Lita asks, sounding surprised.

“Yeah, I am.” I shrug my shoulders, fighting against the hurt I’m feeling.

We finish dinner in stiff silence, and I shower and get dressed the same way I have on a thousand other nights before this one. I put on cologne and look at myself in the mirror. I’m a fucking rock star. Women love me. That’s going to have to be enough for me.

Sebastian Fox. The man who can get all the pussy he can handle, and he can handle a lot.

That’s me. It’s who I’ve always been, and clearly, it’s not worth ever wanting more because I can’t seem to find a woman to love who will love me back.

I snort derisively at myself. Maybe I should’ve just stuck to my personal rule with Lita. Immediately, I hate myself for that thought because I love our baby, and they wouldn’t exist if I had done that. I’ve also enjoyed my time with her, and I meant what I said when I told her that I’d try to get her into bed as often as I could.

Not tonight, though. Tonight I just want to get fucked up and forget that Lita doesn’t love me because Ididsleep with her more than once, and I can’t change that. I find out the name of a club in downtown Seattle and Daryl takes me there, then I spend the rest of the evening drinking whisky.

A few women approach me, but I don’t bother even trying to sleep with anyone. I have no desire to fuck anyone, and I sure as shit hope that changes in the future. For now, though, I just want to survive this pain that I’m sure will eat me alive.

When Daryl escorts me out of the club, I have him take me to a hotel instead of back to the apartment. I just can’t bring myself to go back to the apartment where Lita is. I lie in the hotel bed and think of Lita while I masturbate before I finally fall asleep.

* * *

Lita doesn’t askme what I did when I come back to the apartment on Tuesday, and I don’t tell her. I guess she’s following the rules, too. We spend Tuesday night watching a movie on Netflix together before we go to our separate beds. I hate sleeping in the same apartment as her. I can feel her presence, and it feels wrong to be away from her.

On Wednesday, I go see more apartments with Vincent. That night, I show Lita the apartments we’ve seen while we sit on the sofa together.

“All of them have three bedrooms or more, so your boyfriend is free to move in whenever he wants.” I can’t resist teasing her.

Lita frowns at me. “I can’t tell if you’re joking or angry. I don’t have a boyfriend; you know that.”

“I’m kidding, Lita. I know our situation and just wanted you to know that I’m fine with it and that I’ve only been looking at places with three or more bedrooms since we talked about it.”

I move closer to her on the sofa and dare to reach out to turn her face toward mine. I love her so much, and her skin is soft and warm in my hand.

“I’m glad to hear you haven’t got a boyfriend yet, though; it means that I can still sleep with you. Do you want to have sex with me tonight, Lolita?”

Her pupils are dilated, and she’s breathing faster than before. Everything about her body’s reaction to me gives me a very different answer to the one that she gives verbally.

“I’m sorry, Seb. No.”

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