Page 115 of Sebastian's Baby

That was probably the best thing I’veeverseen anyone do, to be honest.

“Because you don’ttake my shit…” I trail off as it hits me.

I’m in love with her.

She’s grinning at me, and she asks, “Is that all you’ve got? I mean, sure, those are fine reasons, but I think there has to be more if you really dig deep for them.”

I stare at her, the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met. Every reason I just listed as a reason I think she’s the best is a reason that I’m in love with her. I didn’t know this was what it felt like. This all-consuming need to be with her. This protectiveness of her and desire to keep her safe. I thought they were because of the baby, but they’re not. They’re because ofher.

I can’t form any words as I keep staring at her, and her grin slips off her face as her expression turns into a frown. “Sebastian? Are you okay?”

“Because I love you,” I finally finish.

I watch her take it in, and she looks stunned. I can hardly believe that I said those words to someone. I’ve spent my entire adult life believing that I couldn’t even love anyone. Not like this.

Lita shakes her head and asks, “I’m sorry, what?”

“I’m in love with you, Lita,” I repeat the words, and they only feel more true the second time around.

She’s the only woman I want, and the idea of giving up sleeping with other women doesn’t feel like a sacrifice. I know that if I’m going to be with her, I’ll have to do that, but she’s worth it. Being with her is better than being with anyone else, and this week has been amazing. I’m lost in a future where we’re living together, happy and in love, with our baby, as a real family, when she finally speaks again.

“Cool story, bro. Needs more dragons.”

Her words bring me back to the present, and I suppose I should’ve realized that she wouldn’t believe my confession, considering I’ve told her more than once that I don’t want her the way I now know that I do.

I tilt her face up to look at me again and try to explain it to her, “I mean it. I’m in love with you, Lolita. I didn’t realize it until just now—all of those things, I never put them all together at once, the ways that you’ve affected me.”

“No, Seb. I don’t know what this is, but it’s not that.” She shakes her head. “You still sleep with other women. We love each other as parents of our baby. We have great sex. We’re good friends. Maybe you’ve just been closed off for so long that this feels like romantic love because you’re opening yourself up to that. It isn’t, though. I promise.”

Her words, as always, have the ability to cut me deep. Even more so now that I’ve realized I’m in love with her. Her certainty that I can’t possibly be in love with her is painful.

“You don’t know me as well as you think you do, princess.”

I’m still holding her face in place, and I look into her beautiful brown eyes, hoping that she will understand. I need her to love me back.

She takes a deep breath, then closes her eyes, not looking at me when she says, “I’m dropping the ground rule for tonight—the one about sleeping with randoms when I’m in town. You’ll have to take them to a hotel, though,because I draw the line at being in the same apartment. Unless you want me to go to a hotel instead.”

I inhale sharply as an almost unbearable pain from her rejection rips through my body. I let go of her face and move away from her on the sofa, hardly able to believe that was her response to me giving her my love.

“Really, princess?”

“Yes.” She looks away from me.

“I tell you I’m in love with you, and your response is to basically tell me to fuck someone else?”

Even saying it hurts because, as far as rejections go, ‘I’d rather you fuck someone else than tell me you’re in love with me’ is a pretty fucking bad one.

“Yes.”

“Maybe I’m not the only one who needs therapy, Lolita,” I scoff.

“What do you want me to say?” Lolita asks in a choked-up voice.

“I don’t know, most people go with, ‘I love you, too,’ don’t they?” I shrug.

I mean, I’m no expert at this, but I’m pretty sure that’s the usual response. Apparently, not for Lita…well, not when I’m the one telling her I love her.

“You know I love you, I do. What I feel for you is more than I’ve ever felt for anyone, but I don’t want to change you. I don’t want you to resent me. What we have is amazing and beautiful and uncomplicated, all while being incredibly complicated. We’ve actually made it work.

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