Page 45 of The Stalker

Hayden laughed as well, “Okay, I wasn’t thinking about myself, but let’s pretend it’s me. You’re captured and they’re going to torture you for information about where I am. You’ve got a cyanide capsule between your teeth. Are you biting?”

Tatiana ground her teeth inadvertently as she envisaged what he was presenting to her. Her adrenalin was spiking at the thought, and she forced her body into submission. There was no threat here.

“Well, that comes back to my other issue. Vesper didn’t even know for sure that SMERSH would find them. At least in your scenario, I’m captured and being tortured. I wouldn’t give up that easily, so no, I probably wouldn’t bite. I’d fight it out and make them kill me. While I hold information they want, it’s unlikely they will, which means I still have a chance to escape. Vesper wasn’t even captured, so she had no reason to do what she did,” Tatiana scoffed.

Hayden stared at her as she was speaking, and when she finished, he didn’t respond immediately. Tatiana was getting used to long pauses with Hayden while he thought about what he was going to say.

“My initial thought was that I wanted you to bite to keep me safe, but I like your response much better, actually. I’d much rather you were alive and fighting than dead, if I think about it. I mean, if you bite, I don’t have your protection anymore. Is there some level of torture that would make you talk, do you think?”

He asked it surprisingly casually, and she could tell that he had no clue what he was asking of her. For people who had never experienced it, torture was an abstract concept, which was an incredible privilege. There were many types of torture, though, some worse than others. She heaved a deep sigh, and before she could stop herself, she was answering him.

“It’s always a balance of things that are happening at the time—”

Fuck. That was worded poorly. Take a leaf out of Hayden’s book and think about your words, Tatiana. Or, better yet, shut this conversation down entirely. But if you must continue, sweet, leaping baby jesus, please choose your words more carefully, at least.

“—so, I guess the simple answer would be torture happening to someone else. I can’t control their response, and I don’t want to be responsible for their pain. Again, though, once that information is handed over, I am no longer safe, nor is the person being tortured. So, I have to balance in this scenario whether or not handing the information over is beneficial.”

She cringed and looked down at the book in her lap as she said the thing she knew she probably shouldn’t.

“It could be a case where it’s better that they’re dead, but at least I survive with the information, particularly if someone else’s safety relies on me keeping the information to myself.”

There was an awful silence in the room when she finished speaking. Tatiana kept her face away, deeply regretting telling Hayden that she would balance up the value of certain human beings’ lives and make a choice which she would protect.

She traced the title of the book with her finger, wondering about the meanings he would extrapolate from her answer. Would he consider her previous experience with this topic? Would he consider if she would sacrifice one of his friends for him? She had no idea what was running through his head right now.

“I guess the goal is to not end up in that situation,” he finally said quietly.

Relief flooded her body, because this was a much safer topic. “Precisely. Which is why I was angry at Vesper. She hadn’t reached a point where she had no choice.”

“At least in the movie, she didn’t really have a choice. You might like that ending better.” He smiled at her.

“She still dies?”

“She still dies.”

Tatiana wrinkled her nose. “I remain of the opinion that she’d be a better protagonist for a spy series.”

Hayden laughed. “Noted. We can watch it sometime, and you can tell me if the movie is better than the book.”

“Is the movie ever better than the book?”

“On very rare occasions, yes,” he told her.

“Noted.”

Tatiana sat up, pushing the footrest of the chair in as she did. She walked over to the bookshelf and slid Casino Royale into its spot with the rest of the series before pulling out Live and Let Die.

She turned it over and read the blurb. “Mr. Big, huh? Oh, and a colleague in the CIA. Sounds like fun.”

“Should be right up your alley,” Hayden teased her.

“I’m not going to take that bait,” she smiled at him.

“And yet you knew exactly what I meant. Interesting.” He stroked an imaginary beard, and she laughed as she settled herself back in her chair.

Tatiana was getting surprisingly into Bond’s pursuit of Mr. Big and his smuggling ring when Hayden yawned loudly from the other side of the room, and she looked up at him.

“I’m just about ready for bed. What about you?”

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