Page 63 of The Stalker

“I don’t understand. Blake is your boyfriend, but you don’t feel connected to him? What does that have to do with me?”

“Allow me to play the poor, little rock star for a moment. It’s harder than you’d think to meet people who aren’t interested in your fame or money. Blake has plenty of money, but I don’t fool myself into thinking he doesn’t like being seen with me a little too much. Ally was nice, and we had a lot of fun together, but she was always clear that we couldn’t be anything more. She met someone in New York, and we were done. I got lonely, so I messaged Blake.”

He sighed and was silent for a few moments. Tatiana watched him, feeling sure he was getting to some kind of point, but she still couldn’t see how this all tied back to her.

“I meant what I said the other day. I know he treats me like shit. Both times, it started well with Blake. He can be very sweet and loving, and he can make me feel special when he wants to. But he changed over time, and it didn’t take long before I felt like I didn’t deserve any better than the way he treats me.”

He opened his eyes and turned to look at her. She could barely stand to look at him, but she couldn’t look away, either.

“So, when I met a woman who was smart, sexy, wickedly funny, and wanted to spend time with me, even if I’m just a job for her, can you blame me for caring too much?”

Tatiana couldn’t breathe. He had finally made his point, and it was too sharp, stabbing her directly in the heart. She hurt for him, because everything he’d just told her made her want to wrap her arms around him and keep him safe from anything that might ever hurt him. She hated Blake for the way he treated Hayden. She hated Ally for not wanting more. She hated herself for having to keep him at arm’s length.

Jesse’s unspoken caution rang in her ears, along with the knowledge that she was too close to Hayden. But he’d just poured his heart out to her, and she couldn’t not acknowledge that. She couldn’t let him think that he was standing at the end of yet another failed connection.

“I don’t blame you, Hayden. How could I, when I care just as much as you do?” Her heart pounded in her chest at a thousand miles a minute as she confessed this to him. “Jesse basically just reamed me out for caring too much. He didn’t say it in as many words, but he might as well have.”

“What does this mean, Tatiana?”

“I have to put your safety first. Not to mention that regardless of how he treats you, Blake is still your boyfriend. I honestly wouldn’t give a shit if you cheated on him at this point, because I hate him, but I wouldn’t want you to have that on your conscience.”

Tatiana. Swanson. Do you realize that you just suggested Hayden cheat on Blake with you?!

Hayden certainly seemed to have realized from the way he was raking his gaze over her body, and she felt guilty for the arousal that flooded through her.

“And if I’m fine with having that on my conscience?” He raised an eyebrow at her.

“You wouldn’t be the man I thought you were,” she told him truthfully.

Hayden chuckled and grinned at her. “Yeah, I can barely handle the masturbation guilt. I don’t think I could cheat on Blake. I could definitely break up with him, though.”

Tatiana wanted to literally grab his phone and dial Blake as she started unzipping Hayden’s jeans. But she couldn’t, and she hated what she had to tell him.

“If you want to break up with Blake, you should. Please don’t do it on my account, though. We can be friends, and we can care about each other, but we can’t be anything more than that.”

Good girl, Tatiana. Boundary setting with Hayden is perfect.

The smile slid off his face, and he nodded. “Yeah, I know. I’m just a job for you.”

“Stop saying that when you know it’s not true,” she said while frowning at him, frustrated that he still couldn’t apparently see that she valued him higher than that. “I’ve literally just told you that it’s not true. Just because I can’t jump into bed with you doesn’t mean I don’t want to jump into bed with you.”

Oh. Fuck. What happened to those lovely boundaries you were putting in place, hmm?

Hayden slid closer to her on the sofa and asked in a husky voice, “Do you want to jump into bed with me, Tati?”

“If you don’t know the answer to that, I’m not telling you.”

“I’m going to take that as a yes, because you said you wouldn’t lie to me, and you won’t tell me the answer.” He raked his gaze over her from head to toe once more.

She backed away from him on the sofa. “Fuck, Hayden. We can’t do this. We really can’t. We have to just be friends or I can’t be your bodyguard, and I’ll have to leave.”

“What can’t we do?” he smirked at her.

“Fuck, Hayden!” she repeated. “We can’t fuck. Yes, I want to jump into bed with you. We can’t do it, and that sucks, but you know what’s a whole hell of a lot better than sex with me? Breathing. You’re probably pretty partial to doing it. I’ve gotten pretty partial to you doing it since I met you. I, for one, would like you to keep doing it.” She stood from the sofa. “I’m going to go do last-minute packing for tonight. We have to leave for the tour bus soon. Jesse is sleeping on the sofa, and he’s given me the room. This isn’t a thing that’s going to happen, Hayden. We can only ever be friends because I’m going to keep you alive if it’s the last thing I do.”

She turned and strode toward the door only to hear Hayden chuckle from behind her, “The lady doth protest too much, methinks.”

She spun on her heel to face him. “Don’t quote fucking Shakespeare at me. Do you not care about your safety? Tonight, you’re going to be onstage in front of thousands and thousands of people. That is terrifying for me, and if it’s not terrifying for you, I want to know why.”

---