Page 118 of The Stalker

She realized the error of her words as soon as they were out of her mouth, and she saw Hayden’s reaction. His eyes darkened, and he kept staring into hers. She couldn’t look away, even though she knew that she really needed to haul ass away from him before another word came out of his mouth.

Instead, she remained frozen and staring at the man as a seductive smile came to his face. “Well, allow me to enlighten you, then. You give me this wide-eyed look that screams ‘fuck me, Hayden,’ and your breathing gets all fast. Then, the second I get too close, you push me away and I’m left jacking off while imagining all the things we could do if you would let us.”

Stop him from talking. Now. Walk away. Punch him in the face if you have to—anything to stop this conversation from happening.

She didn’t, though. As much as she knew that she should end this right now, she stayed right where she was and let him continue.

“Like right now, for instance. I could slip my hand into your jeans and give you an orgasm. I can imagine how enjoyable that would be because I’ve heard you masturbating on more than one occasion now, and it makes me hard every time.”

Tatiana gasped softly, both at the images he was putting in her brain, as well as finding out that he must have heard her masturbating any one of the thousand times she’d done it on the bus when he was in the vicinity.

“Are you wet from thinking about it?” he asked her point-blank.

She shifted because the ache she felt for him was so intense and, of course, she was wet, but she could never tell him that. Her promise made it impossible for him not to know the answer, though. She kept her silence and awaited his inevitable comment about it.

“Tati? Are you going to answer my question?” She shook her head, and he chuckled softly. “I knew you wouldn’t. Meanwhile, I’m more than ready to fuck you if that’s what you want.”

She swallowed heavily and managed to tell him, “What I want doesn’t matter. I do what I have to do. Not what I want to do.”

“What you want matters to me, though. I know you don’t want Daniel, even if you won’t tell me that you want me. It doesn’t stop me from hating him for having fun, casual conversations with you. Not because I think he’s going to actually get into a relationship with you, but because I can’t have that with you. You keep shutting me out, and I hate it.”

She wanted to tell him that she had let him into her life and her heart far more than she’d let anyone else in for years. She wanted to tell him that she thought he was amazing and that she would happily drop anything to be with him. She wanted to tell him that right this second, she did want to push him onto the sofa, climb on top of him, and ride him all night long.

You can’t say any of that.

She knew she couldn’t tell him those things. Once again, she was faced with the concept of breaking their contract. She cared too much about him, and he cared too much about her. Everything between them was so complicated and messed up. Even worse, it took her focus off the one thing that needed to be at the forefront of her mind at all times. Hayden’s safety.

“Believe me when I tell you that I’m not shutting you out anywhere near as much as I should, Hayden.”

“Right. If you say so,” he scoffed.

She narrowed her eyes at him. “If I were shutting you out the way I would normally shut a client out, you would know maybe a fraction of a percent about me. I wouldn’t have kissed you or hugged you or repeatedly masturbated while thinking about y—”

Whoops. Good one, dipshit.

Hayden’s eyes darkened, and he smirked at her. “Tell me what you fantasize about me. You tell me yours, and I’ll tell you mine.”

“No, Hayden. I’m not going to swap masturbatory fantasies because that would be yet another line crossed with you that I shouldn’t. Not to mention that it is hard enough for me to resist fucking you on a daily basis as it is, and I’m not dumb enough to think that conversation wouldn’t end with us fucking each other stupid.”

He looked down her body again and asked, “Why are you fighting so hard? I know you want it. You know I want it. Why not give us what we both clearly want.”

The truth to that question is one hundred percent not something that you should give him.

For once, she managed to come up with the correct answer, and it was one she’d given him in the past.

“If you don’t know the answer to that, I’m not telling you.”

-

Dear Hayden,

Oh, how I long for you, my love. Why are we not together? Soon, I know. But soon will never be soon enough. The days pass, and I ache only to be with you. I am waiting, and I am patient.

The days when I have nothing to do but wait are the worst. You are so near to me now, but so far away as well. I am on edge waiting for our time to start. So many things have to happen before we can be together.

But each day solidifies our future. Each day makes it more certain that we will be together.

Patience, my love. Know that I am waiting for you.

XOXO

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