Page 88 of Harrison's Wedding

I want him to see that I know. I know that I fucked up. I know that I did the worst thing imaginable. I know that I don’t deserve Heather.

Sebastian sighs. “I’m not saying it’s an excuse; I’m saying it’s a reason. Heather isn’t unreasonable; she’ll hear you out. She’s not going to call off your engagement because of this.”

The words ‘call off your engagement’ each bring another slicing pain to my heart, and I wince as he says them. We’re both silent for a few seconds, and I try to breathe slowly to get through the pain.

Finally, I say, “I won’t blame her if she does. What I did was…”

I can’t continue, so I trail off and sigh deeply before looking away from Sebastian, who is frowning intensely at me.

“We were all out of it, Harrison. Hayden’s the only one who didn’t have sex last night. He went up to his room and passed out, and the doctors said if it was GHB, he’s lucky he didn’t die. But Gabriel and Ariana fucked all night long, and I had a fucking orgy with four chicks. That’s what the drug does; it makes you want sex. You didn’t have a clear mind.”

“Drugged or not, I cheated on Heather, Sebastian. I can’t forgive myself for that,” I whisper. “Please leave me alone.”

A strange look passes over his face and he asks, “Are you going to be okay?”

“No, I’m obviously fucking not going to be okay, Sebastian. I cheated on Heather, and I still need to call her and talk to her, even if those assholes already told her. Of course, I’m not going to be okay when I have to do that. Just…fuck off.”

I hate myself for being a dick to my friend, and I know why he’s asking this, but I can’t stand him being here right now. I can’t look at him for another second, knowing that he knows what I did. Of all my friends, he’s the closest to Heather, and I betrayed her in the worst way. Despite his words, I still feel the judgment from him, and it’s killing me.

There’s silence before Sebastian says quietly, “Okay, I’ll go. My room’s four doors down if you need me.”

He leaves the room, shutting the door behind him, and the silence left in the room is deafening. I pick up my phone and call Heather. It rings a few times before she finally answers.

“Angel?” I manage to croak out when the call connects.

“Why?”

Her voice rakes across my wounded heart, and I can’t stand how hurt she sounds.

“I’m sorry, angel,” I tell her, but I know she needs to understand why, so I repeat the information that people keep telling me, “they think we were drugged. I’m at the hospital getting tested.”

“There’s a picture,” she says in a small, sad voice.

“I know, angel. I’m sorry. I can’t even explain how bad I feel. I love you so much.”

“You fucked Madeline, though,” she says in an accusatory voice.

“Yes, angel. I can’t even te—”

I cut off my reply because I hear a thunk and the rumbling road noise that’s been in the background of the call gets louder. The familiar sound of someone retching and then vomiting comes through the line, and I realize that Heather is being sick. It continues for some time, with Heather retching, followed by the splash of vomit hitting liquid. I did this to her. I made her sick. What I did was so disgusting that my angel is sick at the thought of it. I hate myself.

I wallow in self-loathing as I listen to Heather having a muted conversation with someone that I assume is Callum. There’s some other background noise before Heather’s voice comes through the line again.

“Harrison?”

“Are you okay?” I ask.

“No, I’m fuckingnotokay,” Heather repeats my sentiment to Sebastian. “What the fuck kind of question is that?”

“I deserved that. I’m sorry.”

“Stop saying you’re fucking sorry, Harrison. I get it.” I relish the pain her anger brings to me because I know that I deserve it. She takes a deep breath before she says, “Tell me what happened.”

“We were at the dinner,”— images flash into my mind of Maddy, of kissing her, of fucking her, and the shame hits me powerfully as I lie to Heather —“next thing I remember, I woke up in bed…” I trail off as memories of waking up naked this morning come to my mind.

“With Maddy,” Heather says, and then retches again.

“Yes. We’re all at the hospital. Cooper had a seizure, and he’s in intensive care. They think it was GHB,” I tell her, knowing that this is no excuse for what I did.

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