Page 87 of Harrison's Wedding

“You were drugged, Harrison. Heather will understand,” Ariana says in a calm tone.

I snort derisively at her. “There’s no excuse for what I did, Ariana. I cheated on her. How would you feel if Gabriel fucked someone else last night?”

There’s an awkward silence on the line before Ariana says, “I know you’re upset, but please be kind to yourself. This is a terrible situation for everyone, but you’re not wholly to blame for what happened last night, and it sounds like you’re blaming yourself.”

“Because there’s no one else to blame.” I raise my voice a few decibels.

“Yes, there is,” Gabriel interjects. “The person who took away your opportunity to consent. The person who took away Maddy’s opportunity to consent. Neither of you were in the right frame of mind when you did what you did.”

My blood runs cold. Did I rape Maddy? She couldn’t consent to what we did. I feel sick again and I can barely breathe.

“I raped Maddy,” I whisper in horror.

“No, Harrison,” Gabriel exclaims. “Holy shit, no. That isnotthe takeaway you should’ve gotten. You couldn’t consent either. None of us could. Hell, Ariana and I had sex last night and couldn’t consent to it. My point was that we weredrugged. We had the choice taken away from us at that point. Whatever you did, you can’t blame yourself entirely for it.”

I know what he’s saying, but the guilt and shame crash over me, and I feel like I might crumble under the weight of it. I fucked Maddy, and she couldn’t consent to it. I cheated on Heather, who didn’t deserve it. I’m complete trash.

“Harrison?” Gabriel asks.

“Yes.”

“Did you hear what I said?” I can hear the concern in his voice.

“Yes,” I repeat.

“Do you need one of us to come be with you?” Ariana’s voice comes through the line.

I shake my head, even though they can’t see it. “No. I need to call Heather.” The image of her in the airport comes back to my mind, and I choke back a sob. “Now, actually. I’ve got to go.”

I hang up without waiting to hear what they have to say and call Heather again. It rings for so long that I pray she’ll answer, but I’m diverted to voicemail again, and I fall into tears.

I’m still crying when the door opens and Sebastian walks into my room. He’s wearing the same outfit he wore to the event last night; his hair is a mess, and he has some slight stubble on his chin.

“Hey, Seb,” I say in a dull tone.

“Are you okay?” he asks me, concern painted on his face.

“No. They told Heather,” I tell him, and my heart aches in my chest as the image of her appears in my mind.

Sebastian’s eyebrows raise and he asks, “You spoke to her? I’ve been trying to call her but I can’t get hold of her.”

I shake my head. “No, but there’s pictures of her at O’Hare. They told her. They showed her the picture. She knows what I did.”

The pain in my chest is so intense that I wrap my arms around myself and squeeze tightly. It doesn’t help. Because I cheated on Heather, and nothing can change that.

“I saw the picture,” Sebastian sighs, and he looks at me.

I look away from his gaze because I can’t stand it. He’s judging me for cheating on Heather. Judging me for cheating on the most beautiful woman in the world. I don’t know what to say to my friend as I bathe in the shame and guilt that this reminder has brought to me.

He doesn’t say anything more, and when I look up at him, he’s looking down at his phone. I close my eyes, and the image of Maddy and me in bed together comes to my mind. I push it away and struggle to breathe against the pain in my chest.

“Ah, fuck,” he says after a minute. “Yeah, they told her. She said she thought it was Photoshopped.”

I can’t bear the pain of hearing about her loyalty, and I wonder how much a person can hurt before they die from it. It’s too much, and I hate that I did this. I did the thing that Heather is now innocently defending me over. She’s going to hate me. She should.

Sebastian says in a solemn tone, “You were drugged, Harrison.”

“Yes, I’m aware. People keep saying that as if it’s an excuse and it’s fucking not.” My jaw tenses, and I finally meet his gaze.

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