Page 82 of Harrison's Wedding

I’m dirty and disgusting.

The shame comes back with a vengeance as I search desperately for my phone, finding it in the pocket of the pants I was wearing last night as Gabriel knocks on the door.

“Are you decent?”

I look up from the picture of Heather that’s on my phone screen, behind notifications of messages and calls that she’s left me. It’s causing a slicing pain through my heart to see my friend’s concerned face as he stands in the doorway.

“I have to call Heather,” I say in a voice I barely recognize as my own, and through the tears that are still falling.

“You’re going to have to wait, Harrison,” Gabriel tells me in a gentle voice. “We really have to go. Maddy needs to get changed and we need to get tested ASAP.”

I can’t respond; I just nod and follow him out of the bedroom, glad to be away from this bed and this room. I can’t stand the sight of Maddy, or even Ariana, and the hotel staff member. They all know what I did.

So, I keep my head down and stare at my phone. I unlock it and go to my favorite contacts. I stare at Heather’s name. My angel. Just seeing it brings a fresh wave of sobs that wracks my body.

I go to our messages and look at her most recent one. She sent it this morning, before her flight time from New York to Chicago.

Hi honey. Everything okay? Call me ASAP. I’m worried!

I hate that I made her concerned. I hate even more that she had a reason to be. I can barely breathe through the pain and the tears.

I feel a soft arm reach up and around my shoulders, and I flinch. I quickly look to check that it’s not Maddy, and I’m glad that it’s Ariana touching me right now, not her. Still, the shame is overwhelming and I can barely stand her comfort.

“It’s going to be okay, Harrison,” she says softly as we stand in front of the elevator.

“She’s going to hate me,” I croak out.

“She won’t,” Ariana assures me.

She’s wrong, of course. It’s not so much the idea of Heather hating me that hurts; it’s knowing that I have to tell her what I’ve done. I deserve her hate. She, however, doesn’t deserve what telling her about last night will do to her.

Ariana squeezes my shoulders and I unintentionally flinch again. I don’t want to be touched right now. She seems to notice and removes her arm from around me. My heart hurts, and I need Heather. Her face comes into my mind, laughing in that cute, sexy way she does, and the hurt intensifies.

We reach Maddy’s floor and all pile out. I keep my head down as we walk to her room. The hotel staff member opens it for her, and the others head in.

“I’m going to call Heather while we wait,” I manage to tell Gabriel and Ariana.

I’m looking down at my phone, but I assume they heard me because they continue into the room without me. I’m standing alone in the hallway, and I have no idea how to have this conversation. I have no idea how to tell the woman I love more than any person in this world that I betrayed her last night.

I take a shaky breath as I unlock my phone and press Heather’s name on the screen. The nausea returns as I hear her voicemail message immediately, it means her phone is switched off, so she’s almost certainly already on her flight. I won’t be able to speak to her until she lands.

“You’ve called Heather York, I’m unavailable at the moment. Please leave a message and I’ll get back to you.”

The pause between the end of her outgoing message and the tone beeping seems inconceivably long. Yet, I don’t have enough time to think about what I’ll say. I cannottell her this in a voicemail.

“Heather.” I can barely say her name before another wave of tears hits me. I grit my teeth and fight against the tears, managing to say, “Please call me as soon as you get this message.” I pause for a second, then say the thing I need her to know more than anything else in the world. “I love you, angel. I always will.”

I end the call and feel guilt wash over me. I don’t deserve to say those words to her. I don’t deserve to love her anymore. I broke her trust. I hate that I have to break her as badly as I’m broken right now.

My body shakes with more tears as the door in front of me opens and Gabriel walks through it. He comes over to me and puts an arm around my shoulders. I shake my head at him, and Gabriel nods and removes it wordlessly.

“She’s already on her flight,” I say through my tears, and Gabriel sighs.

Ariana and the hotel staff member that I can now recognize as the hotel manager from last night walk out and past me, following Gabriel. Maddy comes last. Our gazes meet before we both quickly look away.

“I’m so sorry, Harrison, I shouldn’t have done it,” Maddy says in a trembling voice.

I shake my head. “No, I shouldn’t have done it. I’m sorry. I should never have done it. I’m sorry.”

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