Page 121 of Harrison's Wedding

“Hey, angel.”

I cringe internally because I was going to stop calling her that. I just don’t think I can. Knowing how much I hate hearing my name come out of her mouth, I don’t want to put that on her.

I sigh, and ask quietly, “Do you want me to call you ‘Heather’ now?”

She gasps softly and whips her head around to look at me. I stare back into her blue eyes, remembering the song I sang about them. No lyrics could ever have accurately described how beautiful they are.

“Do you not want to call me ‘angel’ anymore?” I can see the hurt written all over her face as she asks the question.

“No. I just thought you might not want me to, or that it’s not appropriate or something.” I frown at her.

“Oh. Well, maybe it isn’t.” She pauses for a second and then sighs. “I’m not ready for that, and now I feel bad for calling you Harrison.”

I reach over, grab her hand, and give it a squeeze. “It’s okay, angel. You do whatever you need to do.”

Her hand feels so soft and perfect in mine, and I ache to hold her. Instead, I pull my hand back, loathing the feeling of losing contact with her. I’m overwhelmed with emotion and everything about being this close to her is painful. Even the floral scent of her perfume is familiar and brings back a million memories of our relationship.

We fall silent, and I resist the urge to stare at her. I can hear every breath she takes, and I hate acting like we’re strangers. It’s completely unnatural to not talk to her, to not touch her, to live a life separate from her. I hate my life. I hate myself.

I’m grateful when Brendan appears and calls us into his office. We take our seats on the sofa opposite him. Heather sits slightly closer than she did in our previous sessions, and I both love and hate it. I so badly want things to be different.

“It’s good to see you both. You’ve missed your last few sessions. I was beginning to think you might not come back,” Brendan says.

Heather glances at me in surprise as she realizes that I never canceled them, and she turns back to Brendan to say, “Yes, well, we broke up a month ago.”

“Ah, I see. Can you tell me more about that?”

“I can’t marry someone who I’m barely speaking to. Things weren’t getting any better between us, so I ended the engagement,” she says in a rush before sighing and looking at the carpet in front of us.

Brendan writes something down on a notepad, then asks, “So, what is your goal for this session? How do you feel I can help you?”

I wait on the edge of my seat for her response. I want to know this as well. I don’t want us to be over.

Heather looks back up at him and says, “I’m not sure.” She hesitates, then continues, “I have nightmares about Harrison sleeping with Madeline. I just…I was hoping that maybe another one of these sessions might help with that.”

There’s a thick tension in the air as a rush of pure hatred for myself and the people that drugged us hits me. I can see her suffering painted across her face. I knew she was having nightmares when we were living together, but I didn’t know it was still happening.

“That must be very difficult, Heather. How are you coping with this?” Brendan asks.

“Well, I split up with my fiancé,” she says with a bitter laugh. “Other than that, I’m just working as hard as I can to distract myself.”

I stare at her with this new information, and she looks tired. I should’ve recognized it at once, but she’s very skilled at applying makeup. I can see it in her body language, in the biting tone she used with that reply, in the tightness of her jaw. God, I miss her.

“I can imagine. Harrison, you must have some feelings about what Heather just told us.” He looks over his glasses at me.

I nod my head. “I feel guilty that Heather is going through all of this because of me.” I turn to look at her. “I’m sorry, angel.”

“I don’t need your apologies, Harrison. I need a decent night’s sleep.” She sighs and looks apologetic. “Sorry, that was bitchy. I’m just tired, I guess.”

“It’s fine,” I tell her.

I deserve all the bitchy remarks she wants to throw my way, anyway.

The room is silent for a few seconds, then Brendan speaks. “Okay, so obviously, you’re still working through things, Heather. You’ve ended your engagement with Harrison, so what is your plan now? Are you wanting to continue these sessions? Do you want to work toward a reconciliation?”

I think my heart has stopped beating. As with everything, it feels like I’m always waiting for Heather to take the steps I know she needs to take.

“I’m not sure,” she says, and I can breathe again. “We’re not living together anymore. The wedding is definitely off, but I don’t like any of it. I just know that we can’t get married like this.”

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