Page 107 of Harrison's Wedding

He nods at Callum, and we leave the apartment. I manage to hold it together until I’m shut away in the black SUV in the garage downstairs before I start to cry. Sobs wrack my body as I sit in the car, knowing that my angel is not far away at all and hurting as badly as I am. I want to go back to her, to make it better. But I can’t. Because I slept with Maddy. The nausea hits me, and I almost welcome it.

Hello, friend. Welcome back.

Michael asks quietly, “Where are we going, Mr. Fletcher?”

“I’m not sure.”

I’m not ready to see my family; I’ve barely been able to face them since I did what I did. They love Heather as if she was their daughter, and I can’t tell them yet that I’ve lost her.

“Hayden’s,” I decide out loud.

Michael nods and starts the car. I sit numbly on the trip to Hayden’s apartment, crying off and on. In some ways, traveling to my friend’s place feels so normal, but then I’ll remember that nothing is normal. Nothing will ever be normal again. Or that my new normal is a life without Heather.

We pull into the underground garage and take the elevator up to his apartment. I walk past his bodyguard, Jesse Howell, sitting near the entrance. I find Hayden playing a video game online, and he looks up at me when I appear in the room.

“Harrison,” he says with a sigh, looking very concerned, and I wonder what I look like to him.

“Hey, Hayden. I’m just—” I cut myself off.

I don’t know what to say; I’m at a complete loss for words.

“I’m sorry,” he says and puts the controller down. He’s wearing a headset, and he adds, “Hang on a sec, Gabriel.”

“Can I—” I can’t get the words out. I cough and try again. “Can I stay with you for a bit?”

Hayden nods. “Of course, you can.” He continues into the headset. “I’ve got to go, Gabriel. I’ll send you a text.”

He shuts the game down and takes the headset off his head. There’s a pitying look on his face, and I hate it.

“I thought you might come here,” he tells me. “Do you want a coffee or something?”

I shake my head and frown. “She told you she was going to do it.”

“Yeah, she did. I tried to talk her out of it, but…” he trails off.

I drop onto the sofa next to him and wipe a tear off my face. “I don’t deserve her.”

“Harrison, that’s not true,” Hayden says.

“She was so happy last night with you and Ally.” I pull out my phone and unlock it, then open my photos to show him the picture. “She’s happier when she’s not with me, Hayden. I’m bad for her.”

He looks at the picture, smiling for an instant at it before he sighs and looks back at me. “You’re not bad for her. You were drugged. It wasn’t your choice.”

“Okay, but she can’t get past it. It’ll always be there. I love her, but she deserves happiness.”

“And you don’t?” he asks.

I pause before replying and consider it. My instinct is to tell him that I don’t deserve to be happy ever again. Instead, I shrug.

Hayden frowns at my response, then says, “I should text Gabriel. Can I tell him what’s happened, or do you want to do it?”

I feel the weight of everything crashing down around me and realize just how many shitty conversations I’m going to need to have about what’s happened. In some ways, I’m glad that Hayden already knew.

“No, it’s fine. You tell him.”

He doesn’t say anything for a minute as he pulls out his phone and sends the text to Gabriel.

Finally, he looks at me again and says, “I wish it were different.”

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