Page 95 of Gabriel's Album

Harrison looks at his watch. “Okay. We don’t have long. We’ll come get you in ten minutes.”

The concept of facing people makes me feel sick, and I pull out my phone to call Ariana and leave a voicemail for her.

“Ari. Can you just call me? I need to talk to you.”

I stare at my phone for a minute, hoping she’ll call back, before I sigh and head to the shower. I don’t manage to do any more with my appearance than pull on jeans and a t-shirt with some sneakers.

There’s a knock on my door, and when I look at my phone, I see that it’s exactly ten minutes after Harrison and Hayden left. I can’t help laughing, because you can always count on Harrison to be dead on time. My laughter sounds strange, and the sound dies on my lips. I realize that nothing is the same with Ariana gone, and I wonder for a second whether anything will ever feel right again.

I go meet my friends at the door to my room, and Sebastian grimaces when he sees me. “Morning, Gabriel.”

“Hey, Seb,” I mumble.

I want to be angrier at him for being the catalyst behind Ariana leaving, but I can’t. I know deep down that if it hadn’t been what happened with Stacey, it would’ve been something else. That’s what hurts the most.

I feel tears pricking my eyes as we head to the hotel suite where today’s interviews are being held. I sigh and swipe my hand over them as I send a text to Ariana.

We’re about to go into an interview. I don’t know if I can do it, Ari. I fucking miss you so much. Please call me because I need to talk to you.

Tristan directs us to sit on a sofa when we get into the room. His eyes roam over me, and I see his expression tighten when it does. Instinctively, I sit in the middle with Sebastian, the way we always sit for interviews. Everything feels normal, but nothing is normal at all.

A woman walks into the room and smiles at Tristan as she has a short discussion with us. I recognize her as the host of a national TV show. She’s in her early forties, very attractive, and has long, brown hair that’s currently in a French twist.

She turns her smile to us and walks over to sit on the sofa across from ours. “Hi, guys. I’m Diane.”

I nod and try to force a smile onto my face, but it feels false, so I let it slide away again. My friends greet her, and after a few minutes of general chit-chat, the official interview begins.

“Well, guys, congratulations on your wins. How are you feeling?” she smiles at us.

“Great,” Sebastian responds. “None of us ever expected to win one Grammy, let alone all of them.”

I stare numbly at her, struck by how bizarre it is that I’ve fulfilled a lifelong dream and I’m not fucking ecstatic about it. I feel my phone buzz in my pocket, and my heart leaps to my throat. It’s not a phone call, because it only buzzes once. It’s a message. Did Ariana reply? I can barely breathe as Diane asks her next question.

“So, you’re in the middle of your first tour. How is that going?”

There is the shortest pause before Sebastian answers. On some level, I know that he’s expecting me to fill it, but I can’t focus. I desperately want to pull my phone out and look at the screen.

“Really great. We’ve got a week off before the next concert,” he says, and I can hear the smile in his voice.

“Was this week off always planned?” Diane asks, and I feel both Sebastian and Hayden tense on either side of me.

“Yes, we have some interviews to do, but we did always plan to take a break at this point in the tour,” Harrison replies in a pleasant voice.

Oh hell, I totally forgot that he and Heather are going back to Chicago for a family wedding. I think for a second that maybe I should go back to Chicago too. Is that the answer? Do I literally just show up at Ariana’s apartment with a boom box or something like at the end of that movie? I snort involuntarily at the image of me standing with a boom box over my head like I’m in some 80s romance movie because I wouldn’t even know where to buy one of those, anyway, and everyone turns to look at me.

Sebastian turns back to Diane and covers for my slip by continuing, “So, yes, we always planned to take this week off. It’s been a long tour, and I’m glad for the break.”

Diane continues to look at me, but then smiles at Sebastian. “Of course. Tell me about what it was like performing at your first Grammys?”

He doesn’t hesitate this time, launching into his thoughts about performing and us winning our first big awards. The interview continues the same way, with Sebastian answering most of the questions while Hayden and Harrison answer occasionally. I don’t say a word unless she asks me a direct question, which she only does once.

I know that I’m barely fulfilling my duty of being a body here, but I can’t focus. The longer the interview goes on, the more desperate I am to check my phone and see if Ariana replied to my text.

“You’ve won the Grammys. What’s next for Cruise Control?” Diane asks near the end of the interview.

“We’ve already started working on some songs for our next album.” Sebastian gives her a charming smile.

“That’s really exciting.” She perks up. “Any idea when the fans can expect that?”

---