Page 142 of Gabriel's Album

“I’m not certain,” I say, feeling completely ashamed as heat rushes to my cheeks.

“Fuck, Gabe, does she know anything about me at all?” Ariana exclaims in a frustrated tone.

“She knows that I wroteHeart Wide Openabout my ex, but we haven’t specifically talked about you. I don’t know what anybody else has told her.” I give her a grimace.

Ariana puts her head in her hands and takes some more deep breaths. She takes a few seconds and composes herself before speaking again.

“I’m going to talk now, and I think it’s best if you don’t say anything more.”

I nod my agreement.

“I love you, Gabriel Knight. I’ve probably loved you since the night we met. I never stopped loving you even after I walked away.”

These words make my heart soar, and I feel like I’m flying. I think some part of me knew this, but having it confirmed and hearing those words come from her lips is beautifully reaffirming.

She takes a deep breath and continues, “It would be so easy for us to go into your bedroom right now and fuck each other’s brains out, but it would also be so,sowrong. Whatever you and Elena have together is your thing, but you are not this guy. You’re not the guy who sneaks around behind his girlfriend’s back with his ex. I don’t want you to be that guy, and I know you don’t want to be that guy.”

I open my mouth to say I’m sorry for being a shitbag who’s sneaking around with her when I have a girlfriend. I also want to reiterate that I never would’ve gotten into a relationship if I’d known she would come back, but she holds her hand up to stop me from talking.

“So we can’t be friends, Gabe. I’m sorry, but I love you too much. I don’t want there to be any question of that. If things don’t work out with Elena, I will be here, waiting. Just make sure things end with her for the right reasons and not because of me. You’ve done your waiting, and now I’ll do mine. Whether it’s two weeks, two years, or two decades, I will still love you.”

She leans over and kisses my cheek gently. I can still feel her lips on my cheek as she stands, turns, and walks out of my life for a second time. It’s strange that this doesn’t hurt as much as I’m sure it should, because it doesn’t feel like goodbye. She’s left behind the scent of vanilla in the air, and I close my eyes as I breathe in and out while I think about what she said.

She’s right. We can’t be friends. Fuck.

24

The One

I’m sittingin my apartment, and I doubt I’ve ever been more nervous than I am right now. Not performing atThe Today Showfor thousands of fans. Not performing at the Grammys. Not giving a press conference for the world’s media while my heart was being shredded in front of them. No. None of those things were anywhere near as scary as waiting for my girlfriend to arrive at my apartment.

I’ve thought long and hard in the last twenty-four hours about what Ariana said to me yesterday. A huge part of me wants to just go running to her, but I think I understand what she means about ending it with Elena ‘for the right reasons.’ I don’t want there to be any doubt or cloud hanging over our heads if we get back together.

No guilt because we’ve been sneaking around behind Elena’s back, or some concern on her part that I might be in love with Elena and go back to her. My relationship with Elena needs to end naturally, and with me knowing that I’ve done everything I can to make it work first.

Of course, I might not get a say in the matter after what I’m about to do.

Elena knocks on my door, and I take a deep breath before opening it. “Hi, Elena.”

“Hey, gorgeous!” she exclaims, and her face splits into a smile.

She throws her arms around my neck, and I put my arms around her waist. I can’t help but think how different this would be if Ariana hadn’t come back, because I certainly don’t feel the same as I do when it’s Ariana in my arms. I think on some level that I’d forgotten over the last two years just how good it felt with her, but now I have a much more recent comparison.

“How was your flight?” I ask as I wheel Elena’s suitcase into my apartment.

I stop in my main living area because I don’t know if Elena will want to sleep with me by bedtime. Hell, I don’t even know if she’ll even want to stay here tonight.

“Great. Where’s your bedroom?”

I swallow heavily. “Well, before I take you there, we should probably talk.”

“Oh my god, about what? Are you breaking up with me?” she gasps.

I grimace and then sigh. “No, but I’m not sure that you won’t want to break up with me.”

Elena’s eyes narrow, and she asks in an accusatory tone, “Did you cheat on me?”

“No? Yes? Sort of, I guess.” Her face falls, and I beg her, “Please let me explain.”

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