Page 135 of Gabriel's Album

“I hope it didn’t hurt you too much,” I say, and it’s the truth.

I’ve spent so long wishing for her to hurt, but now that I’m here with her, I want her to be safe and happy and unharmed forever.

Ariana looks out across the lake. She takes in a deep breath and lets go of it slowly. A cool breeze blows across us, and she teases me, “Well, let’s just say that I won’t be adding it to my daily playlist or anything, but there were other things that hurt me worse on Friday night.”

“Like what?” I ask, very curious to know what was worse than the song designed to hurt her.

“Mostly regret,” she says. “A lot of regrets. Wishing that I could go back to the past and change things that I’d done.”

“I can’t lie. I know exactly what you mean.”

We both sigh in unison and then laugh together at our joint reaction before falling silent once again. Ariana closes her eyes and squeezes them tight.

“Can I ask you a question, Gabe?” she asks with her eyes closed.

“Always, Ari.” Her name falls easily from my lips, and it’s strange to say it again with no anger or sadness attached.

She opens her eyes and looks at me when she asks, “If you could go back in time and never meet me, would you do it?”

“Of course not.” I shake my head and frown at her.

“Even though it would mean that none of this pain and drama would ever have happened?”

I confess, “Sure, those things wouldn’t have happened, but neither would the good things. I would trade a thousand awful nights for one more Washington, DC.”

Ariana shivers, then admits, “That night was one of the best nights of my life.”

I know that I’m crossing into dangerous territory right now. This entire conversation, the things we’re saying, they’re not okay. And yet, I can’t bring myself to not be truthful with her, now that I’m finally able to talk to her.

“Mine, too, but there were so many more than that, Ari. Each one of them was worth that much to me, and I wouldn’t trade them away for anything.”

“I’m sorry for leaving the way I did. It wasn’t fair to you, and I don’t think I can ever apologize enough for that.”

“I accept your apology,” I say sincerely.

“I should’ve given you a chance to talk, more of an explanation at the time. Cutting you out completely and refusing to talk to you wasn’t okay.”

“It’s fine, you can’t change the past, and I’ve accepted your apology. Don’t beat yourself up about it.” I smile at her as I parrot some of the things Brendan has taught me.

She looks over at me, and I stare back into her emerald green eyes. For all the photographs I’ve looked at of her over these last two years, nothing compares to this. Being with her in person and looking into her eyes.

“I’m not over you, Gabe.”

The words rock me to my core. I knew it, of course. Nothing about the way she’s acted since she turned up at the concert on Friday, up to and including her saying those words, has made me think there was a chance that wasn’t the case.

I sigh deeply and look her in the eyes when I tell her, “I’m seeing someone, Ari.”

I see the pain in her expression, and I know there was a time I wanted her to hurt, but I hate doing it to her now.

“I’m not telling you that to hurt you. I waited, Ari. I waited longer than anyone thought I would wait, and when I finally came to the conclusion that you were gone from my life forever, I started seeing someone. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I don’t blame you,” she chokes out. “I should probably get back to work, though.”

I nod and accept her excuse for ending our conversation before we follow the path back to her office. We walk in silence, and I listen to her short, sharp breaths. I know Ariana so well, even now, that I can tell she’s trying to hold back tears, and I hate myself for doing this to her.

“Bye, Gabriel,” she mumbles when we reach her office, not looking me in the eye.

“Bye, Ariana. Thank you so much for talking to me today. I can’t tell you how much I needed it.”

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