Page 126 of Gabriel's Album

I could never have sung the lead on this song. I could barely sing it when we were writing it, and I will forever be grateful to Hayden for offering to make this song a solo for him. He sings the first verse with my piano alone, then, as it ends, he begins playing the drums, and Harrison joins in with the bass as well for the second verse. When we reach the chorus, Sebastian joins in, and we all sing the chorus with Hayden.

The lights come up on the stage, and I take some deep breaths as I walk over to my mic while the roadies roll the piano back offstage again.

“I want to thank you all for coming out tonight!” The crowd cheers loudly. “You’ve been a great audience, and we are so grateful to finish our tour here at home in Chicago. We have so much love for our hometown!” The audience goes wild at the reminder that we ‘belong’ to them. “And on that note, it’s time for us to play our final song fromHeart Wide Open.”

The crowd makes the ‘aww’ sound in unison again.

“We’ve had a ton of fun tonight, though,” Sebastian adds.

“Yeah, we really have,” I agree. “Now, this song was written with a certain person in mind. I hope that person is out there tonight, and if you are, I hope that you hear this song and I hope that it—”

I’m cut off by the audience, and I don’t even need to say the words anymore because they all scream, “Hurts Like Hell!”

We sing the song and the wish that Ariana is hurting like hell. I remember the time that I spent nearly every waking hour hoping she would call me. Even after I called her the last time, a part of me still held onto the hope that she would come back. Maybe that’s why I didn’t get a girlfriend until three months ago.

My relationship with Elena is easy. I don’t feel half as strongly for her as I ever did for Ariana, but she comes out with me in public, and there’s never any fear that she will leave. I know I don’t love her yet, but I’m hoping that, in time, those feelings will grow. Especially when I’m no longer spending every night reliving my relationship with my ex.

This is it. I finish singing the song, and we thank the audience before leaving the stage. Only one song left to sing, and then it really will be over. Forever.

21

The Encore

We’re standingin the wings, waiting to go back onstage, and Hayden asks, “Are you okay, Gabriel?”

“Yeah, as good as I can be, I guess,” I tell him and shrug my shoulders.

“I know the last half of the album sucks for you.” He gives me a wry smile.

“Understatement of the year, right there,” I laugh. “Just one more song to go, anyway. Then the meet and greet, and then hibernation.”

“Bring on the hibernation,” Harrison grins at me.

We head back out onstage for the encore, and the audience cheers loudly.

“I can’t thank you all enough for coming out tonight,” I tell the crowd.

They scream again, and I wait for the crowd to quiet down before continuing.

“I wrote a lot ofHeart Wide Openwhile I was”—I pause and make an exaggerated thinking pose with my finger tapping on my cheek—“man, how would you describe it?”

“Angry,” Hayden says into his mic. “Very, very angry.”

I almost laugh because I wasn’t actually expecting anyone to chime in, but I fake an enlightened tone, as though he’s just given me the answer to my question and say, “Ah, yes, that’s it. Thanks, Hayden.”

“Any time, bro,” Hayden replies.

The audience laughs at our playful banter, and I laugh along with them before continuing, “So, yeah, I was very angry for a long time. What I discovered, though, is that you can’t hold onto that anger forever, or it will eat you alive. When you eventually let it go, sometimes you’ll be surprised by what’s left behind.”

I smile at the crowd, and despite my inner turmoil this evening, I’m at peace with everything. I’ve accepted that she couldn’t be with me, even though it still occasionally hurts.

The crowd cheers as Sebastian starts playing his guitar, with Hayden playing a soft beat on the drums and Harrison playing a bass line. They repeat the same eight bars of music as I continue my explanation of the song.

“I wrote this next song while on this tour. Performing ‘Hurts Like Hell’ night after night in the way we have, made me reflect on how I was really feeling now that a decent amount of time had passed. It’s so fitting that we’re performing this new song for the first time here at home in Chicago. Take it away, Sebastian!”

In some ways, it’s a copout to have Sebastian sing this song, but I found it was too emotional for me far too frequently when we practiced it. I didn’t trust myself to perform it, so I handed it to Sebastian as a solo. It’s been ready for months, but I held off performing it live for ages. I wasn’t sure what I was waiting for, but now I know. It feels fitting to sing this song for the first time at home in Chicago. This is the city where this story started, and it’s only right for me to end it here.

“Thank you, Chicago,” I call through my mic when we finish the song. “Goodnight!”

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