Page 124 of Gabriel's Album

This song was one of the hardest sells to Sierra. I grin as I remember Sebastian’s suggestions when we were writing it, and we included them as a joke. By the time the song was finished, we were all attached to the lyrics.

Sierra, however, were concerned it would never be played on the radio. They were wrong. It turned out to be one of our biggest hits. It had parents up in arms and garnered us a whole new legion of fans. In fact, it catapulted us to superstardom.

The song is centered around my first date with Ariana and is absolutely full of sexual innuendos. Every time I sing it, I get visions of Ariana and can practically hear her voice as she whispered erotic things to me down the phone line.

Occasionally, I struggle not to get aroused onstage. Tonight is one of those nights, and as I throw my head back and sing the last words, I can practically hear the sound of Ariana having an orgasm.

I open my eyes and look out at the audience in front of me in a slight daze while panting for breath. I know the next song will be slightly easier not to pop a boner, but it still brings with it the memories of the first night we had sex. I sing about garlic kisses, celestial beings, and overthinking things, and it never fails to bring a smile to my face when I sing this song.

When I move into the fourth song, I take my mic out of its stand, and a roadie grabs the stand and pulls it off stage. Most of the crowd gets to their feet to dance, pyrotechnics explode in time with the music, and the entire arena has a party vibe. I stride down the catwalk as I sing the first verse, giving high fives to smiling fans on either side of the catwalk until I reach the end and stand up.

I grin as the pyrotechnics explode every time I sing the phrase, ‘flash of light.’ I’m always amazed by the amount of work that’s been put into this tour. We just show up and sing while the workers put on an amazing show around us.

I finish up the song to cheers from the audience, then grin at them and walk offstage so Sebastian can do his solo. I stand backstage near the steps with Harrison and Hayden as I gulp down almost an entire bottle of water.

“Good show, so far,” Hayden says.

“Yup, I’m wrecked already, though.” I mime panting like a dog.

Hayden laughs. “Last concert; we can do this. Then we can sleep for, like, a month.”

“Solid plan. I’ll go nowhere and do nothing for the next year,” I agree.

“Okay, so Gabriel’s not coming to Heather’s thirtieth birthday party; I’ll let her know,” Harrison teases me.

I grin at him. “Okay, Imightbe able to make that. Then, hibernation?”

“Until my party?” He raises an eyebrow at me.

“Shh, don’t ruin this for me,” I laugh.

Sebastian is singing his solo to a fan from some VIP package that’s been brought onstage. Usually, he picks someone he thinks is hot, and I wonder if he’s salty that he didn’t get to do that tonight. The fan is wearing a tight gold dress, has short, black hair in a pixie cut, has pale creamy skin, and is cute. Sebastian doesn’t look displeased by the situation, anyway.

She’s facing the audience, so I can see them in profile. He’s staring into her eyes, and she looks like she might be about to pass out as he sings the last chorus. The crowd cheers as he finishes up and gives the fan a hug, holding her tight to him in a way that makes me think he’s interested in her.

Security is bringing her offstage as Hayden, Harrison, and I are going onstage, and as we walk past her, I smile and say, “Hi.”

She grins back at me, then she’s gone, and I’m back on the stage again. I lift my microphone to my mouth and begin to speak, but the crowd’s screaming is too noisy for everyone to hear me.

I drop the microphone again and smile at the crowd. After a second, I try speaking again, but the crowd keeps screaming. Finally, I lift the mic to my lips a third time.

“Shhh,” I tell the audience, and there is a bit of laughter before it quiets down.

“This song—” I begin but am interrupted.

“I LOVE YOU!” someone in the front row screams.

“Thank you,” I say.

I never quite know what the fans who scream this are expecting me to do. I appreciate their adoration, but I don’t know them, and I can’t even see them. So, I go with my standard response to this.

“We love all our fans. We’re so grateful to every one of you. Without you, we couldn’t do what we love.” The crowd cheers at my words, and I continue on, “As I was going to say, this song is about loving someone so much that you would offer them the world. Sometimes, that just isn’t enough.”

I begin to sing “Cataclysm.” It’s the song I wrote about our fight in New York. There are so many ways that I could’ve handled that day better, but they do say that hindsight is twenty-twenty.

When I was writing the album, this really did feel like a cataclysmic event in our relationship. It was the point when I should’ve known Ariana would eventually end up doing what she did. From then, we were living on borrowed time together. I feel emotions that I was sure had long dissipated hit me.

“You’re everything that I have to lose.” I sing the last line with a cracked voice, surprised by how much tonight’s concert is affecting me.

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