Page 119 of Gabriel's Album

“I kind of hoped they would be bad, then I would have more reason to be against this,” Sebastian shrugs. He looks around the room and sighs. “Can I talk to you in private?”

I grimace and then nod, taking him through the apartment to my theater room where we each sit on one of the armchairs in the back of the two rows of seating.

“What did you want to talk about?” I ask him.

“You know what I want to talk about,” he says evenly.

The rest of our friends know I was in a really bad place six months ago, but Sebastian is the only one who I ever uttered those words to. He employed Hayden to keep me company when he needed to do things like take a shower—something he got to do in private that I didn’t.

Hayden didn’t ask any questions after the first day. I think he might have suspected how bad I was and why Sebastian was behaving the way he was, but he respected that I didn’t want to talk about it.

“I don’t have any ideas about committing suicide anymore, Seb,” I level with him.

“And I’m fucking glad about that, but I don’t want to risk doing this and having you end up back in that mental state. I’d never forgive myself.”

I consider what he’s saying, and I sigh. “Look, I can’t pretend there’s zero risk of that, but I’ve been working with Brendan, and I’m confident I can cope with it. Doing this will allow me to express my feelings the best way I know how, through song.”

“There’s no part of you that thinks doing this will get Ariana to come back to you?” Sebastian gives me a shrewd look.

“I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t a tiny part of me that hopes that might happen,” I confess. “But I’ve accepted that she’s gone. I want to do this for me, not her.”

Sebastian doesn’t respond at once. He scrubs his face with his hand and looks me in the eye before heaving a big sigh.

“Brendan thinks it’s a good idea?” He frowns at me.

“He suggested it. Well, he said I should consider writing her a song. I’m the one who came up with the concept of doing an album that tells the story of our relationship from start to finish. Once we got talking about that, he thought it seemed like a good way to work through my feelings once and for all.”

Sebastian shakes his head, but says, “Fine. If it’s something that you really want, then I’ll do it. You have to promise me that you’ll tell me or Brendan the second you have any dark thoughts, though. I don’t care if you’re not serious about doing it; having the thoughts is enough for us to need to know, okay?”

“I already agreed to that with Brendan. We’ll increase my sessions again if I’m showing any signs of backsliding.”

“All right, let’s go tell the others, then.” He rolls his eyes. We stand up, and Sebastian surprises me by hugging me. “You know I love you, right?”

I hug him back briefly, and then tell him in a choked voice, “Of course. I don’t think I can ever thank you enough for what you did for me.”

“And I’d do it again. I kind of miss watching you take a piss,” he laughs as we start walking out of the room.

“I bet you do, you pervert,” I say, grinning back at him.

We’re still laughing when we walk into the room where we left our friends, and they look up at our arrival. Harrison and Hayden are sitting at the piano, looking through music sheets, while Heather is on the sofa and has her phone in her hand.

“So, Sebastian’s on board?” Hayden asks.

“I’m still not ecstatic about the idea, but Gabriel and I have talked about it, and I’m happy to go along with it if everyone else is,” Sebastian shrugs.

I smile at him and say, “There’s definitely one song I think you’ll enjoy working on.”

“What song is that?” he asks me.

“It’s going to be the last song, and the title I’m thinking of going with is, ‘Hurts Like Hell.’ You can help me vent,” I laugh.

“Okay, I’m more on board now. Definitely something to look forward to,” he grins back.

“Any idea what you want to call the album, now that Sebastian’s on board?” Harrison asks me.

“Yeah, I want to call itHeart Wide Open,” I say, feeling the heat rush to my cheeks.

“I’m out again,” Sebastian jokes and gives me a cheeky grin. “That title is so pathetic.”

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