Page 117 of Gabriel's Album

“I know the others have been trying to contact you, and I’ll suggest that they give you your space as well. You obviously feel as though you can’t be a part of our world, and as much as it’s killing me, I respect that.”

I wish for an instant that she could’ve just been happy in our world, but I push it away. I can’t keep thinking about what could have been. I need to accept what is.

“I will always love you. You have my heart forever. If you ever want to come back to me, I will welcome you with open arms, but I just can’t live my life, hoping that will happen. I love you, and I miss you. Goodbye, Ari.”

I end the call, put my phone into my pocket, and drop my head to my hands as I cry. Sebastian walks over to me and puts his arm around me.

“I know that must have been hard,” he says softly.

I nod, and he leads me into the men’s room, where I splash my face with water and take a few minutes to calm myself down. I don’t know if I’ve completely accepted the end of my relationship with Ariana, but I do know that I’ve taken a fucking massive step toward it.

19

The Album

I’m sittingat my piano, playing the melody for the song that Hayden and I wrote yesterday. I can feel the butterflies flying around in my stomach. I’m nervous as hell at what I’m about to do, so I jump a mile in the air when someone knocks on the door to my apartment.

I swallow quickly, then stride over to the door and open it to see Harrison and Heather standing on the other side. They’re here five minutes early, of course.

“Hey, guys. Welcome. Come on in.” I stand aside and gesture to the room behind me.

“Are you going to tell us, now, what the big secret is?” Heather asks with a laugh.

“Not quite yet,” I grin at her. “I want to wait until everyone is here.”

“Party pooper,” she sulks as she takes a seat on the sofa next to Harrison.

I can’t calm the butterflies down, and they seem to be flying around double-time by the time Sebastian finally arrives ten minutes after Hayden does. I get everyone drinks, and I’m sitting in one of the armchairs facing the sofa that Harrison, Heather, and now Sebastian, are sitting on.

“So, I have something I wanted to talk about,” I begin. Hayden is in the armchair next to me, and he gives me a reassuring smile as I clear my throat. “I have an idea for our next album.”

“Cool, what is it?” Sebastian grins.

I take a deep breath and release it slowly, then I say, “I want to write an album about my relationship with Ariana.”

A stunned silence fills the room, and the three people on the sofa across from me exchange glances before Sebastian says flatly, “No.”

“I need to do this,” I tell him.

“No, you fucking don’t,” he says vehemently. “There is no fucking way we are recording an album about that bit—woman.”

I grimace at his reaction, because I’d expected something like this. Sebastian’s feelings toward Ariana have only gotten more intense in the last six months.

For two weeks after I told him I was suicidal, he spent every second of the day with me. I fell asleep with him sitting by my bedside, and I woke up with him there. He spent hours in my dressing room between concerts and soundchecks. Finally, when I told him he was smothering me, he said that he would leave me alone if I agreed to see a therapist.

I had daily sessions with Brendan in the beginning, but now I’m down to once a week. I’m still angry and hurt by what Ariana did, but it gets easier to cope with as each day passes. Sebastian hasn’t forgiven her, though, and any time I mention her, his rage is obvious.

“I have to do it, Seb. It’s the only way that I’m ever going to be able to really get past this.”

“Isn’t that what your therapist is for?” Heather shrugs and purses her lips. “You don’t need to write an album about her. She’s not worth it. Just forget her and move on—like she did to us.”

Heather’s feelings toward Ariana are only mildly cooler than Sebastian’s. Whenever I’ve mentioned her, it’s obvious that Heather is still upset at the way Ariana left us.

“It was my therapist who suggested it,” I inform her. “He said that it might be a good way to work through some of my feelings. That memorializing the relationship on an album could allow me to associate it with something positive, instead of the negative feelings that are attached to it now.”

“No. Non farò parte di questa follia,” Sebastian spits.

“English,” Hayden sighs.

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