Page 116 of Gabriel's Album

“Is everything okay?”

I wonder what Sebastian told him, but I say, “As good as it can be, I guess.”

I can’t say the words again. It’s too much, and it’s too scary.

He gives me a thoughtful look and asks, “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.” I shake my head.

He nods his head and just stands in the doorway until Sebastian comes back. “Thanks, Hayden.”

“Not a problem. If you need me, let me know.”

Sebastian agrees, then goes and takes his position sitting in the armchair again. When it’s lunchtime, Sebastian calls room service from my room’s phone and has it delivered. He orders food for me, as well, and I don’t want to eat it, but I do because I’m hungry.

I put the food tray on the bedside table and head to the bathroom; I turn to close the door behind me to see Sebastian standing in the doorway.

“What the fuck?” I exclaim.

“I’m not here to perv on your trouser snake. I’m just not leaving you alone in a bathroom.” He shrugs as he says it.

I turn away from him before unzipping my jeans and flopping my cock out to do my business. It takes a second, and I’m incredibly uncomfortable doing this with an audience, but I manage.

As I wash my hands, I ask, “Just how long are you planning to spend every second with me?”

“As long as I need to.” Sebastian leads the way back into the bedroom.

Instead of going to the bed, I head back out into the sitting area. This time, I sit on the sofa, and Sebastian sits next to me.

“Why is this so hard?” I ask in a soft voice.

“I don’t know. If I had answers to questions like that, I could probably make a lot of money as a relationship guru,” he jokes.

Sebastian stays with me until we meet the other guys for dinner. I don’t know what they know or don’t know, but I can’t repeat the words I uttered at my lowest point this morning. Now that somebody knows, though, the thought is a lot less scary for me, because Sebastian shares that knowledge.

We travel to a restaurant in Seattle that Hayden tells us is amazing, and we sit and talk after we order our food. Everything is so familiar, so normal, and so natural. A thousand nights spent with these people all become one, and I feel their love and friendship and support as we talk about some inane topic. It’s the first thing I’ve felt in two weeks that wasn’t tinged with the pain of Ariana’s departure.

I can do this. It won’t be easy, but I’m not alone. To do it means I have to do the hardest thing imaginable. I have to let Ariana go. I feel the stabbing pain at the thought, but I know it’s the truth. Today scared me—a lot.

I can’t live the way I have these past two weeks; that’s the truth. But I can’t do what I told Sebastian I would do, either. My only choice is to reconcile myself to the fact that she is gone, or I will never be able to continue.

I pick up my phone and call her number. I brace myself as my call is diverted to voicemail.

“You’ve reached Ariana Chamberlain. Sorry, I can’t get to the phone at the moment, please leave a message after the tone, and I’ll get back to you.”

Knowing that this is the last time I will hear her voice almost breaks me, and I struggle to talk during the beginning of my message.

“Ariana, this is Gabriel, and I think this is probably the hardest call I’ll ever have to make. It’s been two weeks. I don’t know if you’ve gotten any of my messages, but, God, I love you so much.”

The conversation around the table halts as Hayden asks, “Who is Gabriel on the phone to?”

“Ariana, I think,” Harrison says from across from me.

I look up and catch his eye, then stand up from the table and walk swiftly into the corridor that leads to the bathrooms. Sebastian follows me and stands about ten feet away, watching me as I continue my message.

“I can’t keep doing this, though, Ari. I can’t keep living my days, hoping you’ll call. I have to let you go. This is the last time I’ll call you.”

I choke out the words as the finality of this voicemail hits me. I’m saying goodbye to the woman I love more than anything else in the world.

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