Page 114 of Gabriel's Album

“Gabriel,” Hayden says in a quiet voice. “I hate to say it, but Cooper’s right. I don’t think she’s coming back.”

The sting from his words cuts through my numb state, and I feel the slicing pain intensely in my chest.

“You guys are wrong.” I shake my head.

“Exactly,” Heather agrees. “Ariana will come back if we just give her time. She was always scared of the paparazzi, so we just need to wait for this shit to truly die down.”

“They’re not wrong,” Sebastian says. “Both you and Heather need to accept this. Ariana ditched us. She doesn’t give a fuck about us anymore. She’s had weeks to get in touch and she hasn’t sent so much as a god damn text. I know you don’t want to hear it, but she’s gone. You need to move on.”

“She’s probably already found herself another boyfriend and doesn’t want to tell you,” Cooper adds.

“Are you just trying to be an asshole?” Sebastian glares at him.

“I’m telling it like it is. It’s entirely possible that she’s gone home to Chicago and happily moved on with her life,” Cooper shrugs.

Before Sebastian can respond to him, I say quickly, “Let me out, guys. I’m done with this meeting.”

Heather nods. “Me too. Let us out, honey.”

Harrison looks torn, but he moves aside so that Heather and I can slide out from next to him.

“We’re not done here,” Cooper announces.

“Yes, we are,” I glare at him. “You can fuck off with your shitty opinions about things. I don’t care what you think.”

Heather and I walk back to our tour bus, and she asks me, “Do you think they’re right?”

I consider the possibility. The idea of Ariana moving on from me is painful as shit, and I can feel tears pricking my eyes.

“No. They can’t be,” I croak out around the lump in my throat.

I go to my bunk and sit quietly while I look at pictures of Ariana on my phone. Eventually, I call her to leave my morning voicemail.

“Ari, god, I miss you so much. We had a band meeting this morning, and strong words were said. Basically, Heather and I were told to move on because everyone thinks you certainly have. Okay, mostly, Cooper thinks that.” I wince as the pain of her moving on from me hits me. “Who knows, maybe he’s right, but I can’t give up hope.”

We perform another concert that night before we get back on the tour buses to head to Seattle, where we’re due to check into a hotel and perform concerts two nights in a row. I call Ariana and leave a message before I fall asleep.

“Ari. I’m going to bed. Please just call me if you want to call me. I miss you so much it hurts.”

I wake the next morning and call her again.

“Morning, Ari. So many times during the day, I wonder where you are and what you’re doing. I think about what we would be doing if we were together right now.” I shake my head as I think about the reality I want versus the reality that I have. “I wish you would just pick up the phone so I could talk to you, know you’re okay, and tell you how much I love you.”

We arrive at a luxury hotel in Seattle; I don’t know which one, and I don’t care. I go through the motions of checking in with the group, and they talk around me as we head up to our rooms. I don’t even have the energy to farewell them as I enter my hotel suite.

I make my way through the suite to find the bed and lie down on it. Nothing matters anymore. I think I finally know that Ariana is never going to call me back. That realization is devastating, and I don’t know what to do with it. I’m forced to consider the future without her.

How am I meant to go on like this? With my heart shattered in my chest cavity. With all of the color and light drained from the world around me. With no Ariana.

I can’t. I don’t want to. That future is too bleak, and I don’t want it.

I don’t know how much time passes with me in this whirlwind of despair before someone knocks on my door. I swallow heavily and go to answer it. I’m unsurprised when Sebastian is on the other side. Every day, he seems to want to spend time with me, and it’s kind of annoying. I just want to be left alone in my misery.

When he sees me, a concerned look crosses his face. “Are you okay?”

“Is anyone okay?” I ask dryly.

He shuts the door behind himself, and we go into the sitting area where I drop into an armchair while Sebastian sits on the sofa facing it.

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