Page 112 of Gabriel's Album

As soon as I come, though, the high I’m on crumbles. I feel absolutely pathetic, sitting here and masturbating while thinking about a woman who won’t even speak to me. Shame and embarrassment wash over me as I clean up the mess I’ve made.

I dump the dirty tissues I used to clean up in the trash and sit on the sofa, feeling like shit. None of my usual pre-show jitters have arrived; I just feel numb.

When the time comes for the concert, I go out and join the band circle. Hayden gives the speech about having a good concert, and I nod and smile along with everyone else, but I don’t feel anything. I climb under the stage and struggle against the memories of the time I was under the stage with Ariana. So many things remind me of her, and I don’t know if this will ever not be as painful as it is right now.

The platform I’m standing on rises amidst a bunch of smoke caused by the smoke machines at the side of the stage, and the crowd goes wild when they see me. The screams are deafening, and I force a smile onto my face.

I’m the last member of the band to appear, and this is my cue to speak. “Welcome, everybody. I hope you’re ready to have a good time.”

I look over at Sebastian, and he starts playing the first song. I perform on autopilot. Although my mind is finally free of my thoughts about Ariana, I can’t find any of the joy I normally get from performing. It’s as though it’s walled off inside me, and I can’t break through. I dance around it, but all I can feel is sorrow.

I’m aware that Sebastian is doing more tonight than he normally does. After the third song we perform, he starts talking when I don’t. He explains the next song the way I’d normally do it, and I can’t even find the energy to be grateful for it. We’re about to perform “Midnight Rebellion” when I move over to grab a bottle of water and take a swig of it. I’m dripping with sweat, and the liquid is refreshing.

“Hey, Kiss Guy. I see you,” Sebastian calls out through his microphone.

I turn around and search the crowd as I start to walk back to my microphone stand in the middle of the stage. It only takes me a few seconds to see who he means. One of the fans has long, black hair, and he’s painted his face to look like a member of the rock band, Kiss.

“Let me see the sign you were holding up,” Sebastian says with a grin on his face.

The fan beams back at him and holds up a sign that says, ‘LET ME PLAY MIDNIGHT REBELLION.’

“What instrument do you play?” Sebastian asks.

The fan points to him, and I can’t hear his reply, but I can see his mouth move as he yells, “Yours!”

“Guitar?” Sebastian says with a laugh, and the fan nods. “Are you shit?”

The audience laughs, and I see the fan make the ‘kind of’ hand movement as his mouth makes the shape of the words.

“Don’t say ‘kinda’ because I won’t invite you up here,” Sebastian grins, and the audience cheers loudly. “Get your ass up here, Kiss Guy.”

The crowd cheers and they move aside while he makes his way to the front, where security guards pull the fan over the barrier and help him onto the stage.

“Don’t cheer for him yet; he might shit the bed in front of you guys,” Sebastian jokes while the fan walks past me and toward him. “What’s your name, Kiss Guy?”

“Miguel Rodriguez,” he says.

“You ready to do this, Miguel?” Miguel nods, and Sebastian hands his guitar over. As he prepares to hand him the guitar pick, Miguel pulls one out of his pocket, and Sebastian bursts into laughter and tells the crowd, “He even brought his own fucking pick!”

Miguel strums a chord on the guitar and then holds his arms in the air with the guitar while the audience goes ballistic. To his credit, Miguel is pretty damn good on the guitar, and Sebastian stands at his mic to sing his parts of the song while letting the fan play the guitar.

Miguel strides confidently around the stage, headbanging while he plays, and when we hit Sebastian’s guitar solo, he nails it. Sebastian looked completely stunned for a second before bursting into laughter.

When we start the chorus after the solo, Sebastian starts laughing and says into his mic, “I can’t even remember the words. This is amazing, Kiss Guy!”

After the next verse, Sebastian says, “All right, Hayden, let’s break it down for him. Miguel, I want to hear you shred. Take it away!”

Hayden does a quiet beat to allow Miguel to launch into an on-the-spot guitar solo for a solid forty-five seconds. While he does, Sebastian encourages him, then when Miguel finishes his solo, he calls him over and throws his arm around him.

“You’re fucking awesome, dude,” Sebastian says to a beaming Miguel.

We finish out the last two choruses of the song, and the crowd goes wild. Miguel holds the guitar above his head again in celebration before handing it back to Sebastian.

“You’d better get your ass over here and give me a hug, Kiss Guy,” Sebastian says with a grin. After he hugs him, Sebastian says, “Now, get your ass off my stage.”

Miguel laughs and walks to the front of the stage, where security helps him off the stage and over the barrier to get back into the crowd.

“I think that might be the best fucking thing to happen all tour,” Sebastian announces. “We love you guys so much. I can’t believe someone learned my guitar soloandabsolutely nailed it.”

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