Page 80 of Cruel Savior

"I can make an educated guess about what happened with you, I can even piece together some details from everything that went down to take it beyond a guess. But that's not the same as hearing it from the horse's mouth."

She scrunched her face at me. "Did you just call me a horse?"

I laughed, surprised that could happen under these circumstances. "I guess I did, although that's hardly the point."

She sighed. "What's the point, Axel? I could tell you I went undercover, that I got discovered and subsequently tortured and then blackmailed into helping them. You’ve seen the scars and you know about my sister. Stop bitching about my secrets already when we both know whether I spell it out or not, it’s not going to change anything.”

The air around me was suddenly sucked from the room as I pictured every little thing she’d just described. All the signs had been there. Right in front of my face if I’d stopped blaming her long enough to see them.

She’d suffered as much as anyone and then gotten screwed over by the government as her reward.

It was my turn to sigh. I might be an idiot, but she still didn’t fully understand either. “It’s about trust, Mandy. Do you really not get that yet? Your lack of it fucking hurts. You got hurt because you didn’t let us have your back and didn’t think twice about it.” I paused, taking a much needed beat before I continued, “I’m am sorry though. I should have never walked away from you until we hashed this out. But I'd spent three days not sleeping much in a hospital chair waiting for you to wake up. Three days where I let my imagination and less than positive thoughts get the better of me.”

She seemed to think about that a second before her head shot back up. "You were there the whole time? No one told me that."

"Yeah, I was. I knew Frank Jr. was dead. I put the bullet in him myself, but I still had to stay. Someone had to watch over you and it needed to be me."

I watched her face soften, and thank fuck it did. This bitterness and anger festering between us was driving me to the brink of insanity.

"I don't know what to say. In the moment all I could think about was that endangering you and your friends again was unacceptable. I just wanted to fix it. As for Vegas, I can see in hindsight that I should have just explained about Natalie and what that cost me. But I just..."

I reached over and placed my hand over hers. Her fingers were ice cold. "Just what? Tell me what goes on in that beautiful mind of yours. That's all I want. Just let me in."

"I don't need your pity. I'm not a victim." The sharpness in her tone had returned. I could understand that.

"I know you’re not. The woman I love is a strong, capable badass woman. But if we’re going to be together it has to be as a team. No more secrets. No more leaving me behind because you think it’s for the best. I don’t need to be protected.”

"I never wanted to help Frank. Never. I hated him. He did everything in his power to break me but I never gave in. Only, I underestimated how far he would go when he didn’t get his way. He found Natalie and threatened to do to her what he’d done to me. I had no other choice--I gave in. I hated myself for that almost as much as I was grateful that Natalie was alive and well. Good people lost their lives so I could save one. I didn’t blame you for hating me. You almost lost your friends because of me and my choices.”

“Anger and hate are not the same, although sometimes we get them confused.”

I stared down at her for an eternity waiting for a sign. She didn’t quite accept it yet, but she was mine. And possession is nine-tenths of the law and I had no intention of ever letting her go again.

I wanted to grab her hand and pull her close. The pain and guilt evident in her words were tearing me apart. If Frank was still alive I would enjoy taking him apart piece by piece, making him hurt until he begged for my mercy right before I put a bullet in his brain.

“Wait.” She narrowed her eyes. “Did you say you love me? As in present, not the past?”

A wide smile crept across my face. "You caught that, huh?" I shook my head at the bad way I'd just blurted that out instead of being more thoughtful with something so important. Especially in the middle of her confession. "Yeah. I fell in love with you a long time ago, candy girl. Then a lot of shit went down and that love got twisted in a bad way. But I realize now it never went away. It just got lost in all the lies and my bad attitude." I laced my fingers with hers and brought them to my mouth for a soft kiss. "I'm so sorry, Mandy. I never should have believed that bullshit story your father fed me back then. I should have known it wasn't true. I am not making an excuse for my behavior, because there is none."

"My father is a skilled liar. He could convince anyone of anything. It's why he gets away with so much. Which I can’t say a whole lot about, because my CIA training taught me to be one too. I don't blame anyone for not believing me when the facts looked real bad. My actions didn't compute. And I definitely owe Tel, Izzy, and Houston an apology for gassing them. I do actually feel really bad about that. I didn't want to be responsible for any more of your friends getting hurt, but I can see that leaving was a huge mistake.”

I kissed her hand again. "No one ever blamed you for what happened that night at the compound. Frank Jr. was hellbent on getting his revenge and willing to kill anyone who got in his way."

"Exactly!" The tired frown on her face didn't sit well with me.

"And as for Tel, Izzy, and Houston. Don't worry about them,” I smiled with wicked intent. “We all agreed that I could handle your punishment for that stunt.”

“Punishment, huh?” She looked a little amused and a tad bit worried, not to mention oddly relieved.

I shrugged. “Mostly, it’s bygones. But I'm never going to pass up an opportunity to getmyhands on you.”

Her sudden sigh of relief eased some of the tension in my chest. I had missed her more than I thought possible over the last two weeks.

“I don’t think you need an excuse for that,” she whispered, the breathless sound going right to my dick.

“Hey man, you gonna come watch the game or what?”

I turned and glared at Cash for interrupting. He had the absolute worst timing. “Or what. I'll catch the highlights on the news.”

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