Page 76 of Cruel Savior

What little bit of hope I’d felt at finding Axel at my bedside, withered. “I did what I had to.”

“Bullshit,” he exploded. “We had a fucking plan, and my entire club at our backs. You putting your life at risk was an idiotic move. You almost died.”

“Screw you. Working alone is what I do. If you can’t understand that…” I clamped my mouth shut before anything else truly hateful came out.

“So what you’re saying is that you didn’t trust me.” He dropped that bomb without hesitation and my stomach sank in its wake.

I don't know why I expected him to understand. I’d known going in that if I went through with my plan, he would never forgive me. Saving my sister in Vegas had nearly cost him his friends so we were always going to be on shaky ground.

“I don’t think there’s anything else to say." I wanted him to go. Looking at him hurt too much. We'd dredged up all the old memories and then I'd piled on new ones to make things worse. At least I didn't have to worry about anyone else coming after me. I just had to live with my mistakes and find a new life. "You should probably go."

"That's really how you want this to go?"

I didn't respond. I doubted I could answer that question if I tried. How I wanted things to go was irrelevant at this point. Without trust, we were headed toward a disaster no matter which road we took.

He sat and stared at me for a minute more, looking like he was waiting for me to say something else that might change the outcome between us. But I couldn't. Or I wouldn't.

I had a lot to process and I was too tired to fight anymore.

Finally, he stood to leave. "You have no idea how badly I'd like to shake some sense into you right now. You could have trusted me with everything. If you had, you might not have ended up like this. This is bullshit, Amanda."

His return to my full name instead of the nickname he favored hit me hard. I'd not realized how much it had meant until just then.

I started to say something—anything that might change his mind—and nearly choked on a sob. Instead, I watched him walk out with neither of us saying another word. He might have been right, but I guess we'd never know...

* * *

Two weeks, one day, four hours, and six minutes. That's how long it had been since Axel had walked out of my hospital room. And there had been countless times I'd started to go after him. And every time I refused to go through with it. I knew what it would take to convince him I could be trusted, but I still couldn't bring myself to bare my soul in that way.

One good thing had come of this mess though. I now had a new job and a place to live that had jack squat to do with my douchebag father. It wasn't exactly glamorous, and the pay was shit, but it kept me busy and with a roof over my head until I could figure out what I wanted to do with the rest of my life.

My affiliation with the government was officially dead. I'd gotten the paperwork via courier just the day before. How they'd found me, living practically off the grid, I didn't know. Probably better if I didn't anyway. I had to let it go and work on putting it behind me.

I'd heard no word from anyone about the aftermath at Mazzeo's penthouse, and I figured the best I could do was be grateful I'd been left out of it. Not that I hadn't considered digging into the official reports. However, the last thing I wanted to risk was getting caught. Even by the MC. Tel would know if someone went looking, and I didn't want to take that chance.

"Hey, Mandy, you ready?"

I looked up at Brianna and smiled. "Yep, I'm coming now." I finished making a coffee to go, grabbed my cleaning gear and headed outside to jump in her car. Brianna was my new co-worker, and since I didn't have the funds for a car yet, she picked me up every day for our shift cleaning cabins for a company that managed hundreds of vacation rentals in the area.

Firefighter Mike had visited me in the hospital and since he was the only person who seemed eager to talk to me, we'd struck up a friendship. When I told him I needed a place to live and a job to go with it, he mentioned his mother was always looking for help. The vacation rental business in the cascade mountains was thriving, but getting people to do the work keeping them clean was a real pain in the ass. She also had a basement she liked to rent out and it had recently been vacated by the last tenants.

I'd jumped at the chance, no questions asked. It was probably a little too close to Sultan for comfort, but I liked being here. Not every memory was bad, and spending time all over the mountain every day had brightened my outlook.

“You going to go with us to Bubba’s tonight?” Brianna asked while we sat eating our lunch on the back deck of one of the cabins we cleaned. The view of the snowcapped mountain across the river couldn’t be beat. One of these days I was going to buy one of these cabins. Not this one, though. It reminded me of him.

“Nah,” I said, shaking my head and taking another bite of my sandwich.

“You say that every time.”

I shrugged. “Going to a bar is not my thing.”

“I think you’ll change your mind one of these days.” I doubted that. Especially when it came to Bubba’s. Not that there were any other bar choices this far out of Seattle. But I’d drive into the city before I went to the local biker bar. If there was one place I knew I was definitely NOT wanted, it was there.

I stood, anxious to change the subject before she really got going. “I’m going back to work.” I gathered my trash and stuffed it into my bag.

“Okay,” she said, standing to gather her things as well. “But this conversation isn’t over.”

I shook my head, disappearing around the corner, to dump my belongings in the car so I didn’t forget them. I came up short when I found someone standing at the end of the deck.

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