Page 19 of Merciless Sinner

“Oh my God, Harper!” Zia jumped up and ran for the towel draped over my sink. “What the hell?” She swiped at the table and the floor. “Are you okay?”

Obviously not. I couldn’t even hold it together with the mere mention of a friend. Oh lord I needed that shower more than ever except now I needed a cold one.

“I’m fine. You just made me laugh at the wrong time.”

Zia cocked her head. “You didn’t look like you were laughing. Are you sure there isn’t more you want to tell me about that night?”

Between the burn in my nose and the heat crawling up my neck I was sure everything I was feeling at the moment was super obvious. Secretive I was not. Well, technically I was, but that didn’t mean I was very good at it. Especially not with people like Zia getting so close.

“I’m sure. And enough talk about that night, okay? It was a really nice night, but that’s all it was. One night. And before you ask, because I know you will, I am not ashamed of a second of it. I’m never going to be ashamed of my sexuality again.” And I meant it. It had taken a while to get there, but I had and while I didn’t share a lot of my past with Zia, some of the more personal details about my sexuality did come out and she helped me learn to embrace that side of myself. "It’s just time to put it behind me and move on to more important things like all these catering jobs you keep sending my way. What’s up with that anyway?”

Her face spread into a huge grin. “Well, that’s the thing. Whatever the hell you served those people at the Glass Kat a few weeks ago must have left a lasting impression. We’ve been getting calls left and right and since that was your job, it only seems right that I send those clients your way. Why? Is it too much?”

I shook my head. “It could be if I tried to handle it all on my own. But I’ve put a call into Chef Rainey and he’s going to line up some temporary help for me from his top students that are close to graduation. You know he’s happy to overload them at this point.”

She laughed. “I definitely haven’t forgotten that man’s evil ways. But it does sound like the perfect way for you to find some eager help that also come with the skills you need. I may hate that man from our days in his classes, but he knows how to weed out the ones who can’t hack it in this business for sure. Maybe some of them could work as permanent hires too. I have a feeling your popularity is going to skyrocket in the coming months. Maybe you’ll have your own TV show someday.”

That idea struck fear in my heart like Zia didn’t know. I had come to New York for the anonymity of a city this size and I preferred to keep it that way. I shook my head. “No thank you. I’m perfectly happy to live out any celebrity fantasies I might have vicariously through you. I just want to cook and enjoy doing it. You can keep all the rest of that nonsense to yourself.”

And maybe, one day, sometime in the not necessarily near future, I would find someone to share a little slice of my life with. When the time was right.

Chapter Nine

Harper

Three hours later, Zia had gone home, the pizza box laid empty on the table and I had consumed at least four beers and had a good buzz going on. Despite that, I was restless. And I was feeling a little guilty about overindulging.

I shoved my chair back from the table and decided some yoga might loosen things up. Nothing too complicated, since I doubted drunk yoga would get me anywhere good. Just some mindful stretching that would settle my mind and my nerves.

I didn’t even bother with my yoga mat. That would have required a trek into my bedroom and some digging in my closet. I hadn’t actually seen it in quite some time. Usually I came home from work so exhausted I had no trouble falling into my bed and sleeping like the dead.

But my conversation with Zia had my mind focused on the wrong things. I did wish I had a name to go with the face that was stuck in my brain. Although if I did, I’d probably end up obsessively googling him and that felt way too stalkerish for my peace of mind.

I stretched forward and down, getting into what I affectionally called the dastardly dog and let all the blood rush to my head. Despite the alcohol loosening me up, my muscles were tight and sore. Something I’d felt for days after my ‘date.’ I would forever use that word loosely about that night. It was far too unconventional to be defined by such a basic word.

I flipped to my side and lifted my left arm all the way to the ceiling. I did have one of their names. Jeremy. And I could possibly find something that way. Maybe.

No. I would just let it go and move on. That was the smart thing to do and I’d made a vow to stop doing stupid things.

That thought made me snort. I’d been making crazy moves for as long as I could remember and as far as I could see that hadn’t stopped just because I changed zip codes. Some might argue that walking out of the house I shared with Bill in the middle of the night with not much more than the clothes on my back was about the craziest thing I could have done.

They might be right. But I wasn’t about to sit around waiting for the FBI to come knocking on my door again. They’d already dragged me in for questioning once and scared the living hell out of me. I didn’t know how many more ways I could tell them I knew nothing about Bill’s extracurricular activities or his other wives.

I dropped to the floor in a tired heap. Finding out I wasn’t legally married decimated me. With Bill planning to leave teaching for a full-time position with our church, there were going to be things to face I wasn’t equipped to deal with.

I’d done the only thing I could.

Run.

I shook my head and pressed my fingers against my eyes. I didn’t want to think about the past anymore. I had a new life. A new apartment. A blossoming career. And I’d proven I was capable of a healthy sexual encounter.

That really was the best part. For a few hours, I’d thought of nothing but what was happening in that moment. It had been exactly the kind of distraction I had needed. My baking was similarly cathartic when I wasn’t on such a tight deadline.

If I closed my eyes I could still feel his lips on mine. Kissing me. Nipping at me. I swallowed thickly. There’d also been that singular moment before he’d covered my eyes. Our gazes were locked together, mesmerized by the other. That’s the memory I couldn’t seem to get past.

I didn’t even know how to describe it, but as many people as I have met or encountered in one way or another, nothing had ever felt quite like that. Certainly not with Bill. Not anyone.

I wanted to feel it again.

---