Page 68 of Dirty Big Sins

Fear was also a powerful motivator when it came to shutting my mouth. What if I hated what he had to say? Would I truly be able to put it behind us? Gah. I couldn’t take the silence.

“He became a vicious drunk, who liked to use his fists almost as much as I did. Fortunately, I grew up quickly and it didn’t take long for me to fight back. But the defenseless innocent, that’s an entirely different level of fucked up and I wasn’t going to let him hurt anyone ever again.

Oh fuck. Now I was really scared. As screwed up as my childhood had turned out, not once had I had to fear for my safety. I mean not really. Romeo taking possession of me like property had seemed cruel and unusual, but he’d seen to my safety and well-being to the extent of his knowledge. At least that’s what I preferred to believe when Dante turned into a grade A king prick.

“When I was sixteen, he brought home a new wife. At least that’s the info he gave me and I had no reason to not believe it. It wasn’t until years later I discovered he was still technically married to my mother. But that’s not the why. Beverly, my stepmother, a drunk, drug-addicted bitch herself, had a daughter and from day one I feared for her safety. Although it only seemed to take one beatdown with the threat of worse if he ever so much as touched a hair on Heather.”

My stomach roiled and I immediately regretted that meat and cheese. I should have known better than to ask for more than I was ready for.

“Anyways. Life went on. I started fighting semi-professionally and bided my time until my eighteenth birthday. Heather, the sweetest kid you could ever meet, refused to talk. Her mother claimed she was ‘fucking stupid’ but I think she just chose not to speak because it was easier for her that way. All seemed well enough all things considered and when the opportunity arose, I got the hell out of that house. Admittedly, my fledgling boxing career consumed me and I had to focus nearly all my energy on that. Heather and I kept in touch. Dinner together every month even if that meant us sitting in silence. It was an oddly comforting quiet that I’d grown to appreciate. This went on for years. So when a letter from her arrived instead of a dinner invite by text, it caught me completely by surprise.”

My heart was breaking before he even revealed the rest. I could see that reliving this story caused him great pain. “You don’t have to tell me the rest if it’s too hard. I think I get the picture.”

“Maybe you do,” he said quietly. “But if you’re going to remember the details of his death, then you should probably hear the details of the why. Because I don’t regret what I did to him and I never will.”

“Okay.” I agreed only because I thought getting it out might give him some comfort. For me. Well, those word were going to haunt me for quite a while.

“That letter,” he continued. “It tore my heart clean from my chest. She didn’t just tell me in too far detail what he had done to her after I left. And trust me, it was bad. Those details I will save you from because no one but me deserves that in their brain. But more importantly, she begged me to make it right so that he would never again be able to hurt someone else. Her last wish on this earth was for him to die.”

I gasped, realizing too late what exactly that meant.

“I raced to find her, but I was far too late. The police speculated that she took her life within hours of sending a letter that took a full twenty-four hours to get to me. That bastard had done that to her and all she wanted was for me to make it right. And you know what? Even though it would never be enough and I have to live with the guilt of that for the rest of my life, it was the least I could do for her. So I will never regret it and I will never have an ounce of remorse.”

At the end of his story, Vincent slumped back into his seat, his face ashen but resolute. His pain and anger more than palpable around us. It made me ache for him. I stood from my seat, pushing aside the idea of dinner. I didn’t think I could eat right now anyway. Grasping Vincent’s hands, I pulled him from his seat and wrapped my arms around him.

I couldn’t imagine the emotional toll recounting that story had to have taken on him, and right now the only thing I could think was that we both needed some sort of physical connection to soothe and comfort. I clung to him like my life depended on it, afraid to let him go. Our future together still seemed unclear, but anyone who believed him to be some kind of monster knew nothing at all.

For now, though, I could offer him my understanding and the kind of warmth we both found comfortable. Finally able to pull away from him, albeit only temporarily, I walked the short distance to the couch with his hand in mine. Once there, I embraced him once more amidst a shudder that ran the entire length of my spine before I turned my back to him and waited.

It took him no time to take my meaning as his hands grasped my shoulders and pulled me back against his front. The planes of rock hard muscle of his body were like a pillar of strength. The idea that he became the man he was today by dragging himself out of a pit of a childhood nearly brought me to my knees.

When he dragged his warm palms down my arms and grabbed my waist to anchor me in place, I shivered again. His big body wrapped around mine, exuding heat and causing fire to ignite in my blood. Nothing had ever been quite like this before and the idea of losing it tore at my heart.

“I need to feel you naked,” he whispered against my ear, his hand skimming lower to caress my hip as he brushed a soft kiss across the side of my neck.

“That was the idea,” I responded, already feeling breathless.

I couldn’t see his face, so it was impossible to tell if he’d smiled, but instinct told me he had. Probably that self-satisfied smirk he usually favored when he got his way. Which seemed to happen all of the time. He didn’t hesitate again, finding the zipper at my side that would allow him to remove my dress. As beautiful as it was, I couldn’t wait to be free of it.

Skin-to-skin, my whole being craved it.

After he divested me of my clothing, I turned around to do the same for him. I loved the suit he’d chosen to wear. The navy blue color complemented his coloring without being quite so severe as black and the custom fit of both the jacket and the pants highlighted the perfection of his body. I’d appreciated the effort he’d gone to, but like him, I had only one thing I wanted.

Forcing myself to work with care, I pulled his jacket free and laid it carefully over the arm of the sofa. I loosened his belt, which he pulled free with a snap. That sound made my stomach jerk as I imagined all the things he could do with that belt.

Heat gathered between my legs at the mental pictures and something on my face must have given me away.

“Have you ever felt the leather sting of a belt across your ass before?”

Those words made me tremble with need as I shook my head no.

“But you want to…”

It wasn’t a question and we both knew it. The ache for him to take control and use my body for both our pleasure ran deep.

“Fuck, but that look on your face is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. So needy and so willing.” He turned us slightly and sank down on the couch, bringing me with him. “And I do want to see my belt marks on this gorgeous ass.” He stopped, squeezing my bare backside roughly. “Next time. Tonight we need something else. For once in my life, maybe the first time ever, I don’t want to fuck. Make love to me, Zia. Show me what this means to you.”

Oh hell, my heart had just shattered into a million pieces and only his love was ever going to put them together again. That rough vulnerability I heard in his voice broke me down far more effectively than anything else ever would. It was time to stop talking and communicate in a completely different way.

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