Page 9 of Ruthless Redemption

That and I needed this man like air.

My orgasm continued as I cried out for more. Each aftershock felt as powerful and delicious as the next. Everything between us became a blur as Houston slammed his hips back and forth, each thrust resulting in a combination of blinding pleasure and some pain.

My cries and his groans filled the tiny clubhouse efficiency as I begged continuously for more. I had thought nothing could be better than our first weekend in Seattle and I couldn’t have been more wrong.

I looked up to find him watching me. His gaze intense. He then glanced down at the point at which our bodies were connected and a grin, part feral and part arrogant, crossed his face as he slammed us together one last time.

Fuck, it was amazing.

* * *

In the afterglow, and there was no other way to describe the floaty, far away feeling that had taken over my body, I had the burning desire to kneel and worship at his feet. That’s how thoroughly perfect he’d made me feel.

“Is it possible to love and hate someone at the same time?” I blurted out the question before I had the forethought to keep my rioting emotions to myself.

I held my breath, hoping that either he hadn’t heard me or that he would assume I was talking about someone else entirely. After all, hate was a strong emotion and probably not something you were supposed to feel about the man who’d just given you the best orgasms of your life. Or maybe my emotions were too messed up to even identify. What exactly had Houston done for me to hate? Save my life? Sacrifice his?

He brushed his hand across my stomach and my heart sank. He had to have heard me.

“Depends on who it is I guess.” He propped his head on his elbow and looked down at me. “Who is it you think you both love and hate?”

Shit, I was now stuck between a rock and a hard place and I wasn’t thinking clearly enough to make something up.

“I don’t know. Nothing is clear to me anymore. Every time I think I get a handle on what is happening, the world tilts again and throws me for a loop.”

Houston dropped to his back and pulled me onto his front, leaving me no choice but to meet his gaze.

“Things are probably going to change again before they settle,” he drawled in a low voice. “We still have a major shit storm headed our way. It’s bound to get ugly.”

I was almost afraid to voice my next question because I feared I already knew the answer. “Are you really staying this time?”

His arm tightened around my waist and the concern deepened in his gaze. “I’m sorry, Izzy. I really am. I underestimated the shit end of the deal you were getting when I made my agreement with the club. I should have known better. I just didn’t know what else to do. I needed their help and didn’t have time to negotiate better terms.”

I didn’t respond until I was sure the tears burning my eyes wouldn’t fall. “You got me out of hell. I shouldn’t complain. Comparatively this isn’t so bad.” I took a slow breath and continued. “Although I don’t know why you did it.”

His fingers brushed my cheek and I realized that one of my tears had broken free and slipped down my face.

“Why wouldn’t I? You were taken on my watch. I wasn’t about to walk away and forget. That’s not who I am.” He shook his head harder. “Plus, you left an imprint. As in the kind that never goes away.”

So much for tears not falling. I swiped at my face, hoping I could minimize the damage.

“But I was practically a stranger.”

“I had more of a connection with you in a few days than I had in a lifetime of serving in the Corps. I gladly took out war criminals in the name of saving faceless innocents. You however, were not faceless. I knew it would be bad once I found your real name on your driver’s license. There was no walking away. You should probably get used to that because you’re stuck with me.”

“But—“

He covered my mouth with his hand. “Stop trying to analyze why I did it. I told you why. You meant something to me. And I knew from the beginning what we had wasn’t over. I just didn’t expect the deal I had to make to get you back would have such dire—“

He stopped mid-sentence and my stomach cramped when I saw the understanding dawn across his face. I’d officially gone too far.

“You hate me?”

I swallowed thickly, regret weighing heavily against me. If I’d kept my mouth closed this could have waited for a better time. I almost snorted. Better times were a figment of imagination. This shit was real.

“I hate everyone most days. It’s not the greatest coping mechanism I know, but it has helped. I had a lot of issues to deal with.”

He pulled away from our embrace and sat up, swinging his legs off the bed. He sat there for a long time with his hands clutching his head not saying a word. I wanted to reach out and touch him and tell him it wasn’t true, but I also didn’t want to lie and pretend I was fine. If I had any hope of finding some clarity on the other side of this mess, I had to be completely honest. My emotions were basically all over the map.

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