Page 47 of Ruthless Redemption

The doctor must have thought that was good enough because one minute he was in my face and the next he was closing the door behind him.

Houston reached for my hand the second the door closed and wrapped his fingers around mine. “Izzy, what’s going on? I can feel you withdrawing and I don’t like it.”

The last thing I wanted to do right now was talk about my feelings. Not only were they too raw, but they were too close to the surface. I didn’t have any hope of being able to control them. And frankly, I was tired of crying. I needed to make plans, figure out my life.

“What’s going to happen with your brother? Is he going to arrest me?”

“Arrest you for what? You haven’t done anything wrong.”

“We stole that money, Houston. And someone somewhere is going to come looking for it. It’s too much.”

He shook his head. “That’s bullshit. We didn’t steal shit. You saw the paperwork same as I, it was meant as a gift for you and your husband. Besides, I don’t know the legalities of what Frank did to hide it, but I don’t think Rock even knows about it.”

“You didn’t tell him about it?”

“Fuck no. That money is yours and yours alone. As much as I care about my brother and all, I still don’t fully trust the FBI. Although I don’t think they’ll ever come looking at you unless you plan on taking over your father’s organization.”

“Screw that. If I can figure out what the hell I’m doing, I’ll happily dismantle his business until there is nothing left. Mazzeo holdings can die as far as I’m concerned. I’m not even sure I can touch his blood money.”

His lips skimmed my knuckles and I couldn’t stop the shiver that worked down my back. Even now, after all the death and destruction, I still wanted him.

“It’s too soon to worry about that now. You just need to focus on getting better so I can take you back home.”

My body jerked, tension pulling tight. “I’m not going back,” I whispered, regret tightening the muscles of my entire body. “The one thing I know for sure is I’m sick of being a pawn. So you can tell JD and the rest of the club to go to hell.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

He looked like he wanted to explain, but I didn’t want to hear it. I already knew that when JD called him, he would have to go. And as much as I loved him, I couldn’t go back. Not now. Not ever. I would never again set foot in Washington State if I had anything to say about it.

“It doesn’t matter, Houston. Too much has happened. If I went back, there would be nothing for me except bad memories. I don’t want to spend my life reliving them. Surely you can understand that.”

I saw the moment when whatever youthful hope he still possessed died. I was staring right at him. It nearly made me change my mind. In the end, I knew I couldn’t. If I went back, became a part of his club with him, things would never be right.

The tension between him and Axel would never ease. And it would all be a constant reminder about a time in my life I refused to keep thinking about.

“What do you want to do?” he asked.

I swallowed past the lump forming in my throat, almost afraid to speak the words that had to be spoken. I wanted to be a coward and cling to him in whatever way that I could.

“I think I need a lawyer.” Because honestly I had no idea what the hell I was doing or where I could even go. Maybe the doctor was right. My father’s death was probably going to be complicated and I needed help figuring it all out. And there was the matter of this marriage that never happened, but still sounded legal. “I think we have to get a divorce.”

Fuck, the words came out like razor sharp blades slicing my throat with every word and I hated myself for saying them. If I was stronger, maybe things could be different.

“Technically, we never got married,” he said, his voice so low and deep it slid down my spine like a soft caress.

“But papers were filed. Don’t we have to fix that?”

His shoulders lifted, but the regretful look in his eyes remained. “I thought maybe we could go on another date.”

Dammit, I had no defense for such simple but powerful words. Not to mention totally unexpected. I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping to staunch the flow of emotions and failed as a single tear tracked down my face.

For a moment I imagined myself on the back of his bike again, the wind blowing through my hair, the sun warming my face and my arms wrapped around his big, strong body. That image made me weak. Made me want to give in. If I hadn’t felt a deep sense of pain at the same time, I would have agreed to anything he wanted.

I shook my head. “I can’t. I’m so sorry, but I just can’t. Please try to understand. There’s nothing left for me there—but pain.”

Houston flinched. It was subtle, but I saw it. I might as well have struck him with my hand. It took every ounce of everything I had not to say I was sorry and beg him to take me with him.

I had no idea how I would move forward without him, but I had to. He had a family of badass bikers just like him and a half brother that loved him. Not to mention the love that JD had for him as a son, even without the blood bond.

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