Page 62 of Axton

I took a sharp breath then kissed the top of her head. I couldn’t go through with the marriage thing. Not with the lawsuithappening, and the fact that she didn’t even know me. What she just asked confirmed what Koty warned me about earlier today. She would grow attached and that couldn’t happen. She didn’t understand the world and didn’t even know who she was yet. She already depended on me so much and their plan would only make her even more dependent, defeating the purpose of fighting for her freedom. She would leave one gated community for another and never see the world. I knew her for a week, and she didn’t know how big the world really was and going through with it might have just added to her problems. I shut my eyes and laid my head against hers as I took in her scent. If the woman in my arms had any kind of life experience and had memories other than the ones formed in that cult, I wouldn’t hesitate to date her. It was the first time I had wanted that since Natalie. I’d want to do everything I hadn’t wanted during my adult life. I could have taken her on dates, taken her to meet my friends and family. Take time to get to know her and we could have shared life stories, but she didn’t have any to share. There was no first boyfriend, no first kiss, no prom, no friends, no celebrations, nothing but serving God and her father. The way she was in that moment while in my arms…she was trained to serve a man and that was never something I ever wanted. She should have dreams of her own while I had mine, and we would share them. Not her living to satisfy me. I went to war and fought to preserve the freedoms of everyone, not become the reason an amazing young woman didn’t have any freedom of her own. I may have only known her for a week, but I knew what I really was. The first man to show her respect and kindness. The man her father told her she would marry. If we followed through with the plan, she wouldn’t ever agree to a divorce, even if it was a fake marriage.

She quickly pulled back. “Dinner, I’m going to burn it.” I had to let go of her, but it felt so wrong.

She pulled something from the oven that made my mouth water even more. I couldn’t move, just stood there watching her move around our kitchen like an expert. “Do you enjoy cooking?” I asked and she smiled at me which made my heart race.

“Yes, my mama says I’m a natural chef. I always loved being in the kitchen. I like to experiment with different flavors and create my own recipes. This is a French onion meatloaf, and I made potato casserole, and we have salad. It’s one of Koty’s favorites.”

“What else do you enjoy?” I asked.

“I love to read. Zoey said I need glasses and that’s why I get headaches sometimes. Anyway, I like gardening, and children always make me feel happy. I liked college, but not all of the students. Some were snobby and made fun of the way I dressed, but I still liked learning. I also like to travel. We went on trips to the other communities, and papa would take us to other places during the drive. We stayed in hotels and one time I flew to Canada with him. I had a passport and everything.” She took off her oven mittens. “I liked spending the day with the other women. They were funny and I learned a lot.”

“Have you ever had a crush on a boy, like when you were in college?”

She blushed. “Yes, another student but he wasn’t the right boy for me.” She went to the cupboard for plates, and I grabbed some forks and followed her.

“If you met a guy outside of your community, would you have left to be with him?” I asked.

She paused for a second then placed a plate down on the table. “Not while my papa was so sick, but I think if he was the kindof man that wouldn’t stand in my way of my career of teaching and I felt strong feelings for him, yeah I would have left. My only struggle would be with the shunning and never seeing my mama again. But look where I am now, I will be shunned by everyone but my mama and papas most faithful followers. I’ll probably never see my brothers again.”

“And be satisfied to be his only wife?”

She laughed. “You have a lot of questions. I never wanted sister wives. I would have done it to make papa happy, but I think once he was gone I may have ended up running away.”

“A divorce?” I asked.

She shook her head. “Spiritual marriages don’t need divorces. The church could offer an annulment if my husband would have raised a hand to me, but I’d leave the church anyway. I was really scared when we left mama’s house that night. I halfway believed in the things papa taught, but had enough doubt to help me along this journey. I’m adjusting to life outside the religion rather quickly, I think.”

“It’s a big world out there, Belle.”

She crossed her arms as she spoke. “I had one dream growing up, and that was to go to school and become a teacher. I wouldn’t mind doing some traveling, but right now I want to be in a classroom. I still have faith in God, Michael. I just don’t have faith in my papa’s religion. I have an education, and I might still be naïve about some things, but I’m also smart. Koty also thinks I’m too naïve to know what I want, but it’s not true. I didn’t just want my education so I could teach someday, I wanted it so I could learn about the world around me. I don’t think many people would understand what kind of journey I want in life. It’s not to visit Paris or Rome, though it would be nice, I want friendships and to experience…to experience things that mostpeople seem to think are simple. I like being domestic, and I love the idea of raising children with a man that would love me and only me.”

Shit… “I want to date you.” It slipped out. Shit! Fuck! I didn’t know how to do that, and I sure as hell wasn’t expecting it to slip out. I just fucked it all up. Dammit she made me nervous. I was trying to say what I always regretted not saying to Natalie. Well, not the love part, but the being together part. I never did that before, never had a girlfriend. “I might not be good at it though.” I couldn’t bring myself to look at her.

“I want to date you too.”

Thank God! But I still couldn’t look at her. “But I have to ask you to temporarily marry me.”

I heard her take a sharp breath. “You have to ask me to marry you? What…I am so confused.”

My eyes finally met hers. “We have to follow through with your father’s prophecy to stop Jeremiah. We need to produce a marriage certificate and show your family my birthmark. They have to believe I’ll be their bishop so I can help them start new lives and make sure they never take another child bride. Your brother will take back his permission from Jeremiah to marry you and help more people we believe he is hurting. Your father left a huge estate for your legal husband, and I want to use that money to help people like your mother. The rest will go to support a new division of Creeds Lake that will focus on missing Indigenous women, and hopefully prevent anymore being kidnapped and probably killed. I like you, Belle. I want to date you, but a real marriage isn’t in the cards, so it won’t be a spiritual marriage. We don’t know each other well enough to make it a real marriage.”

She was obviously frozen. “Wait…you mean marry, get papas money, invest it in my family so they can start new lives then help women that are being hurt by bad men? Like sex traffickers?”

I tilted my head. “You know what that is?”

“I read, Michael. I have an education. I may not know much about some subjects, but I know people get kidnapped and forced into human trafficking. Papa didn’t allow me to read about matters of the heart, but he did allow me a glimpse of what might happen to me if I dared leave the community. He exposed me to the scary things, just not the good things.”

I looked down at my shoe. “So, what do you think? And just so you know, this isn’t about sharing a bed with you. I just want to have an opportunity to spend time with you and see where it goes from there.”

I looked up and she was blushing. “I’d like that, a lot.”

“What do you think about the marrying me thing? If we don’t work out, will you be okay with a divorce?” That part made me nervous.

“Well, if you’re a grumpy jerk then yeah, I’ll sign for a divorce.” She laughed. “It’s just paperwork, not a marriage. A marriage happens when two people vow in front of God to always love and honor each other, not a judge. All I ask is that you set a tiny nest egg aside for me and Koty. Creed’s Lake isn’t a permanent home for us, we know that, and we will need to start over somewhere else at some point. We don’t need much, just enough to start new somewhere.”

I nodded. “Absolutely, and I will do as I promise. At first we thought about donating it to the reservations, but now that we looked at the vast number of missing women, we will need to start a new division and your father’s money will support it. Itwill only be used to help Indigenous people. I think it’s time someone steps up and does something about an issue that’s been ignored. We will include Canadian cases as well.”

Forty minutes later, I hoped Belle would have been up for a date. “Winter boots, jeans, sweater, hat and gloves.” I said after Koty left the dinner table.

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