Page 54 of Axton

I lost track of time as I held her in my arms. She was dangerously taking me back in time and I was running straight toward something that scared me more than any mission. Why wasn’t there any alarms going off in my head to warn me of the dangers ahead? All I felt was total peace in those moments. Natalie never existed, my father didn’t almost kill me, I never found my best friend dead, never lost a friend on a mission, and my soul was never tainted. My body, mind, and soul felt new, and I was truly safe for the first time in my life. Then I had a need that came rushing at me. A needed to tell her how I was feeling, but it was too confusing. It was like I needed her to know how much I wanted her, and she was stirring things up inside me. She was making me want my old dreams again. To live more for happiness than success. All a sudden I had a renewed dream to learn how to pilot a plane, along with everything else I gave up on when I found Natalie the way I did. Every lie I spoke to the police and her family was catching up to me, but with Belle near, they faded away. I was so lost in her during those moments that I didn’t yet question my sanity.

My need to kiss her became too overwhelming. I had to hold it back because I wasn’t sure I could stop once I finally had her lips on mine. The thought of brushing my tongue against hers, only overwhelmed me more. How would she taste? Would letting herin cleanse my soul? Why did it feel like the satisfaction I was so restless to find would be found inside the delicate young woman in my arms?

“We should probably turn in for the night.” I suggested then kissed her cheek. Although my attraction to Belle was insane, I needed more from her than what a physical act could provide. Maybe what I spent my life searching for couldn’t be found in sex. Maybe it was one of the many things Natalie stole from me, and I lost track of myself and who I once was as a young man. The values I tried so hard to teach Kayla were stolen from me by my best friend.

We went upstairs and I made sure there were no lights on in the house to disturb her, then let her know I would leave my door open so I could hear her if she needed me.

When I made it to my room, it was late, and I would have been lucky to get a few hours’ sleep. I laid in bed and stared up at the ceiling. I liked her, damn I liked her. I was never the kind that asked many women to dance, I only did it when it was expected, or I wanted to get laid. With Belle, I savored every moment she was in my arms, and it felt like I connected with someone like I never had before in my life.

My mom taught me to dance, way back before my dad went to prison. Then once she started to drink too much she would sometimes wake me up at night to talk. She would tell me stories about how she met my dad. Religion was a big part of her life growing up, and her parents, who owned a furniture store, collaborated with the church to start a food drive for people that lived in impoverished areas of the state. My mom was with them when they delivered it, and they made a day of delivering the food to the very mountainside I hated. That was where my grandmother met my dad’s mom. To make a long story short, both of my grandmothers became friends. Mom’s mom wantedto help my dad’s mom rise from poverty and in the end, dad’s mom swindled a lot of money and free furniture from mom’s parents. My parents met on one of the many visits where my grandma truly believed she was helping a friend. On my mom’s eighteenth birthday my parents eloped without telling anyone. Six months later, I was born.

Drunk mom liked to torment me, while sober mom was always begging for forgiveness. When she would get drunk alone while at home, she would tell me how I took the love of her life away. The woman blamed me, the eight year old child who was critically injured by her husband, for her husband going to prison. Sometimes she would get angry and start tearing up the house if she could see through my lies and sense that I was happy dad was gone. When she wasn’t an angry drunk, she was a sloppy drunk that would wake me up in the middle of the night and make me hold her while she cried. She would turn music on, make me dance with her, and pretend I was my dad holding her. She was never sexually inappropriate, it was never that way, she just made me hold her so she could pretend I was the eighteen year old version of my father, and not the abusive drunk that abused us.

I was still staring up at the ceiling when I thought about Belle and her father. Our damn birthmarks, I didn’t know the prophecy when I first reacted to Belle. It wasn’t something that made me a believer, but it was something that made me question the sincerity of our attraction. She said several times that it wasn’t at all about the birthmark, that all the birthmark did was help her understand that she could trust me, but that didn’t sit well with me. What if the only good his supposed prophecy did was fool her into believing I was the man she was told about her entire life? I had known her for a matter of days. It wasn’t love at first sight, and it still wasn’t love. It was a deep attractionand interest that I hadn’t ever experienced. I could see how that attraction and interest could be a small seed that could grow into something more with time. I cared for her, about as well as a man could for only knowing her for a few days, that much could be admitted, but it was like the most insanely intense fascination a man could have with a woman. Jesus, she was eight years younger than me. Should I have even been referring to her as a woman and not a girl? Was that weird? It was all weird and foreign to me.

When she was near me, it felt right. Like I was finally on the right path, but when I was away from her none of it sat well with me at all. I questioned everything. Was she fooled into trusting me because of a crazy old man? Was it all the old stuff from back on that mountainside fucking with my head?

The only thing that was clear to me was how fucking stupid I was for the last fourteen years. I allowed the last words of a seventeen year old girl to make me do something that wasn’t just stupid, but dangerous. It wasn’t dangerous for me, but it was for others, and that needed to be corrected. It was time to face my past and do exactly what Natalie did to me. I had to betray her, because if I didn’t, I was allowing her to ruin my future. Not just my future, but the future of innocent people. Because of my loyalty to Natalie, there were probably other people that were hurting even more than me. That was one reason why I never let a woman that reminded me of Natalie close to me. I put my loyalty to her first instead of doing what was right. Fuck, Jesus, why didn’t I see it? She was why I didn’t want a damn thing to do with the DV cases. I didn’t feel like I was the person those people needed.

I was still awake when I heard she shuffling of light feet against the hardwood floor. It was dark and I’m not even sure how she could see, but I felt the smile on my face as she gently crawledinto my bed then curled into me. I had to hold back a laugh when I heard a tiny sigh then a yawn. I was laying on my back, so her head was on my shoulder as I felt it grow heavier, and her breaths evened out. I didn’t think I ever witnessed something more adorable. I pulled the covers up and wrapped my arm around her to pull her body a little closer then fell right to sleep.

Neither one of us moved for the few hours we slept. I forgot to set my alarm, but I woke on my own. I squeezed her body a little tighter and kissed the top of her head. I heard a faint giggle and had to chuckle.

“I was supposed to sneak out before you woke and noticed me.”

I kissed the top of her head. “Stay.”

“I’m sorry.” She whimpered.

I chuckled. “Don’t be sorry. I like that you feel safe with me, but with time you’ll realize exactly how safe you are at Creed’s Lake.” Why did I not want her to figure that out though?

“You don’t sleep in pajamas.” She whispered and I chuckled again.

“Nope, just my underwear. I don’t think I’ve ever owned pajamas. Sweatpants yes, but not pajamas.” I liked how her hand felt on my bare chest and how relaxed she felt in my arms.

“I better go before Koty finds me here.” She tried lifting off me, but I gripped on to her and made her stay.

“Just stay for another few minutes.” Damn her body felt good laying up against mine. Her one leg was between my legs, and we were curled up together. “I like the way you feel.” I gently ran my fingers up and down her back, and I thought I heard a tiny little moan like maybe it felt good to her.

“I thought you might be mad because I think I’m clinging on to you. That’s not normal, is it?” She asked.

“I guess that depends on your intentions and your sincerity.” I let a little bit of insecurity come to the surface.

“All I know is that you make me smile, laugh, want to try new things, trust you, and I’m safe with you. I’ve never been this close to a man and it’s like instinct with you.”

I felt like she was honest, but I just needed to hear her say it again. “It has nothing to do with my birthmark?”

She laughed at me. “Not unless your birthmark is magical and can communicate with me while I’m waking up from a medically induced coma.”

I laughed. “Are you making a joke?” I flipped her around and started tickling her. Holy shit it felt good to laugh, and let everything else go.

“I…tried.” She was laughing too hard to answer me.

“What is going on in here?” I paused and looked down at Belle and we both burst out laughing when we heard Koty’s voice. He sounded pissed but it was like an angry mouse.

“Nothing is happening.” I answered and winked down at Belle. “Your sister just thinks she’s a comedian.”

Koty gasped. “The birthmark.”

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