Page 65 of A Virgin for the Ruthless Duke

The fact that she considered it told her what she knew. She had to meet with Richard and try again, this time being brutally honest and direct. The outcome would decide to whom she would walk down the aisle.

Was it going to be Peter or Richard, the love of her life?

CHAPTER 22

As he left the ballroom and headed to the library, Richard came to the conclusion that he was, in fact, his own worst enemy. The evidence of this notion lay in the fact that he kept attending social events, knowing full well that Selina would be in attendance. Hell, he attended those events just to watch her while his chest burned with conflicting emotions.

After each event, he promised himself that it was going to be the last, but every single time, he broke that promise. Like a masochist hungry for a fix, he found himself attending these events, seeking her out with his eyes the moment he stepped into the ballroom, enduring the burn of jealousy that tortured him as she twirled around the dance floor in the arms of eligible bachelors.

It was precisely because they were eligible that he could not disparage them and convince her to get rid of them. The truth remained that she would have a happier life with any one of those men than she would have with him. He knew himself best, so he knew that the scars in his soul were dangerous—disastrouseven. He was damaged and unfit to take such an innocent maiden as a wife.

He knew this, but he could not bring himself to let go. She was like the brightest light shining amid the dying flames and he was the daring moth who did not mind dancing so close to the light, even if he ran the risk of being burnt badly.

Like an addict, his body wanted a piece of her any which way he could get it. A glimpse of her smile, the taste of her mouth as he kissed her senseless, the feel of her supple body in his arms. He wanted her with a hunger that was frightening, and that need was fast transforming into obsession.

It was that obsession that had pushed him to dance with her and flirt so carelessly with her, knowing how close to the fire he was playing. It was also that obsession that fanned the flames of his jealousy, which had made the ballroom unbearable to stay in after he released her for the next dance.

Watching as other men held her, their paws on her back, taking a glance down her bodice as they guided her into the dance, he went a little crazy. His insides burnt, and when he noted the besotted glances they gave her, he felt the burn growing sharper while his hold on his self-control slipped with every moment. So he left before he gave in to the urge to inflict harm on those gentlemen for the simple crime of dancing with Selina.

He walked blindly, not particularly caring in which direction he went as long as he was far away from that ballroom and the torture it held. Somehow, he had found himself on thethreshold of the library. In recent weeks, the library had become his favorite room in the house, but not because of the mind edification he might receive from the huge, dusty tomes that lined those ancient shelves.

His fascination lay more with the memories the room held. Memories of him pleasuring Selina, listening to her low moans as she hit her peak. Watching with fascination as she laughed at something or watching the passion on her face when she talked about something she loved.

Standing at the door, the room looked innocent enough, burying secrets that no one might ever know. But when he closed his eyes, he could still see her in his mind’s eye.

Her back flush with the door. Her dress undone, exposing the delicious mounds of her breasts. Her skin flushed with pleasure. Her green eyes glittering with mischief. That look, more than anything, haunted him night and day, tempting him with the need to replicate it.

He was doomed because, somehow, he knew that it was not going to be possible in the future for him to enter the room without being bombarded with erotic memories of Selina. Even now, he could feel himself getting aroused, the bulge in his trousers proof that his manhood was eager to bring his fantasies to life.

He had waited for so long that he was not certain he would ever be able to resist making her his if he ever had the opportunity to touch her again. That was why he intended to avoid her like theplague, because the next time he was alone with her, he might ruin her, and he would be forced to marry her.

Walking straight to the decanter that contained brandy, he splashed some into a glass and knocked it back in one swallow, welcoming the burn in his throat and totally ignoring the frightening sense of peace inside that told him that he was not truly averse to marrying Selina.

But no matter how much his whole being craved her, he could never bring her into the chaos that was his life. He was better off watching her hate him than destroying her life.

He might have reconsidered the idea if he had not witnessed broken marriages firsthand, but he had, and it would be the height of selfishness to subject such a creature of light like Selina to the pain and heartache that would surely ensue.

Even though he had done his best to separate himself from his parents through the grooming of his actions, personality, and composure, in the end, he was still related to them by blood, and their tainted blood flowed through his veins.

There was this fear in the back of his mind that one day, no matter how hard he fought it, he would still turn out like them—bitter and selfish.

When that happened, he didn’t want to leave Selina at the mercy of the monster he was. She deserved a man who loved and appreciated her light and was ready to nurture it. A man whowould worship the ground she walked on. Not a man who had dark corners in his past, too numerous to count.

Perhaps that man might be Peter, he thought bitterly, because even though he hated the man, he had to admit that he was worthy of her. The Earl came from an influential family and had a clean criminal record, as far as Richard knew.

He was also handsome in a way that reminded him of a young Adonis. He was the epitome of charm and wit. No woman was able to resist his advances, and he had his eyes on Selina.

Somehow, Richard knew that it was more than a simple affection. The Earl was besotted with her, staring at her when she talked as if she hung the moon.

Richard should know because he stared at her in the same way, but the Earl seemed to have better intentions than him.

He would not be surprised if the Earl asked for her hand in marriage; he had the look of a man who had found a soulmate, and who wouldn’t be in a hurry to snatch up the person with whom they had such a connection?

With the man’s looks and flair for good conversation, Richard would not be surprised if he managed to woo Selina by simply stimulating that beautiful brain of hers. The fact that he knew how best to woo her and his certainty that she would appreciate the gentleman’s unique wit annoyed him no end, because it meant that she would soon belong to another man.

He would be forced to watch her walk down the aisle while smiling happily at her ridiculously perfect husband. The image did nothing to quell his anger.

He was not going to attend her wedding; there was nothing to do about it. He planned to get roaring drunk the night before. He would rather endure the deathly headache that would follow in the morning than suffer the torture of watching her get married to another. Forever out of reach.

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