Page 66 of A Virgin for the Ruthless Duke

But then she had never been his, no matter how his heart sang that she could be. His heart was known to want impossible things. It had wanted his parents to get back together at some point, but looking back now with the jaded eyes of an adult, he knew that even a miracle would not have saved their marriage. They were mismatched from the very beginning. Their union was always meant to end in tragedy, and he swore he would never repeat that mistake.

Just then, he heard footsteps in the hall outside the closed doors of the library. Whoever it was, he hoped that the person did not deem it fit to come in because, at this moment in time, he did not feel like he was in the right state of mind to accommodate anyone.

Anger, jealousy, desire, and alcohol roiled like a toxic cocktail in his gut. He just wanted peace and quiet to recover enough to don his stoic mask and endure the rest of the evening.

The passerby might have heard his prayer because the footsteps stopped for a few moments and then continued, getting louderas the person came closer to his door and passed it. He was about to heave a sigh of relief when the door opened, and he was staring once again at the bane of his existence.

“Oh, you are here,” she exclaimed softly, her eyes sharpening with surprise when she saw him standing close to the table, turned halfway towards the brandy decanter, the stopper in his hand.

“I am here,” he replied as he replaced the stopper, sealing the decanter once again.

When he turned back, he saw that her eyes were fixed on his hands where they still were on the decanter.

“Do you want some?” he asked, lifting the decanter slightly.

“No,” she said, startled, her eyes darting away.

“Well, I advise you to come in. I am sure you would not be glad if we were caught alone,” he said, watching as her eyes widened with panic.

It was as if she had not realized that she had been standing in the doorway for almost a full minute.

She closed the door behind her, then walked in, her eyes darting around as if she was seeing the room for the first time. She was avoiding looking at him. Instead of feeling smug about it, he was irked.

“What are you doing here, Selina?” he asked bluntly. “I would have thought you would be happier out there, entertaining your suitors. Perhaps that way, you will be walking down the aisle soon.”

He knew that his tone was accusatory and taunting, but he could not help himself. He expected her to take offense, but he was not ready for the rage that blazed in her eyes when she turned back and stomped towards him. She did not stop until she was almost pressed against him.

“You, Richard, are a cad,” she spat, jabbing her finger into his chest. “You promised to teach me how to attract a suitor but not how to attract the suitor I want. You are quite content to throw me to the wolves while claiming you have taught me everything. You are no gentleman!”

Her chest heaved with her passion, a becoming flush spreading across her face down to her exposed bosom. Nothing spoke volumes about his madness more than the fact that he found her even more tempting at that moment, his arousal flaring even as he reminded himself that this was the reason he could never marry her.

The passion between them burned too close to the surface, and he could see that passion turning into destructive anger as easily as it could turn into maddening desire. No matter how he craved her, marriage with her would be a disaster, and no matter how selfish he was, he never wanted to watch elegant and logical Selina transform into something else under the passion that threatened to take over their senses most of the time.

He did not need to take the chance to know, and he would do anything to avoid dragging anyone into that hell.

“Selina, I have taught you everything I know. Look,” he said, waving his arm so he was gesturing in the direction of the ballroom. “You have a ton of suitors waiting in that room who would do anything to dance with you and marry you. I fail to see what the problem is.” He furrowed his brow in confusion.

Instead of calming her down, his words only threw fuel onto the burning fire of her rage.

“But I do not want any of them!” she hissed. “I have listened to your lessons, dressed in clothes that are not always comfortable, danced until my feet are covered with blisters, and learned how to play the game that the ton loves. But in the end, it failed to give me what I want.”

“What do you want, Selina?” he asked softly.

“I want a love match,” she said, her voice rising along with her rage. “I want to marry a man whom I love and who loves me back. I want everything—the butterflies that take flight in my belly at the sound of his voice, the warmth and peace that I will find only in his arms. I want to belong to him, feeling safe in the thought that he had married me forme. Not my dowry, not my title, or because I am popular. I want him to fall in love with the person I am when I do not wear my finery.

“I do not want to marry a man simply because it is convenient to do so. I want passion, and I want love. No matter how hardI have tried, I have failed to find it, at least not in the marriage mart. So, no, you are not done giving me lessons, Your Grace. You still have quite a lot to cover in order for me to get the suitor I desire. You promised me this. You promised that you would help me get married before the Season ended, but you did the opposite. You abandoned me in that wolves’ den they call the marriage mart. You left me feeling empty and alone. Youarea cad.”

By the time she paused her tirade to take a breath, Richard was thoroughly dumbfounded. He had known on some level that Selina felt attached to him as he did her, but not this much.

Somehow, despite all her bluster and anger, he knew that at her core, she was hurting just as much as he was every time he told her to focus on finding a husband—because he wanted to be that husband. He wanted the legal right to touch her how he wanted. He wanted her to belong to him. His to protect, his to cherish, his to… love.

Every night, as he tried to sleep through his heartache, he wondered if he would ever desire another like he desired Selina. Would he ever feel the same sense of awe and euphoria with another woman? He doubted he would, given that it had taken thirty decades of his existence to meet a woman who made him feel that way.

Every night, he went to bed with the fear that he might end up married to a dull young lady. At one point, it had been part of his plan to marry a woman so dull that she had no chance of inspiring any kind of passion in him.

He had wanted a cold, hard marriage of convenience. But then he met Selina, and somehow, such a marriage was starting to feel like hell. It was difficult to reject the light after years of darkness and isolation.

Selina made him feel alive in ways he could not put into words, and every day that he’d led her on, he felt guilty, but he could not stop. He would not stop no matter what he told himself. He was too selfish to stop.

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