Page 84 of A Virgin for the Rakish Marquess

“Yes, I know.” Elizabeth sipped on her tea, calm and composed. “Desire can be fleeting, an amusement, as he so cruelly put it. But longing, Diana,truelonging, is something else entirely.”

Diana turned her back on her. She didn’t need to listen to that. To any of that. The fact that she had her doubts was proof enough.

“It makes no difference, Elizabeth.”

“It makes every difference!” Elizabeth protested. “Do not let fear?—”

“Of course, I am afraid!”

Diana was trembling from her overwhelming emotions. She was fisting her skirt, which was crumbling under the tension. Her lips were pressed into a thin line, her brow furrowed.

“I can’t stand it, Elizabeth. Not another humiliation. I will not be allowed to think that again only to be crushed.”

“Diana, I know, but?—”

“I barely survived the first time.” Diana sat back down, swaying to calm her nerves. “I still remember it. Standing there with the man I thought would be my husband. Then,shewalked in, and he looked at her with such…”

“Longing,” Elizabeth supplied.

Diana looked up at her.

Elizabeth just nodded. “I know it must have hurt. But that doesn’t mean you need to keep living in that moment, let one thing define you.”

“It wasn’t a moment.”

“He was a boy who didn’t know what he wanted,” Elizabeth stated bluntly. “You didn’t love him anyway.”

Diana’s jaw dropped.

“You never even once looked at him the way you looked at James, Diana. I know it,youknow it, and I am fairly certain thatheknows it too.”

“I am not the same foolish girl.”

“You are not.” Elizabeth smiled. “You learned to build walls around your heart.”

“It’s easier this way. I know what I am now. I know that I am no more than a game to him, and I’d rather walk away with my dignity intact than risk becoming the joke of Society again.”

“So why are you crying?”

Diana’s chest tightened, and her breath caught in her throat. She didn’t know how to answer, didn’t know what words could possibly explain how she felt inside. What push and pull had her going mad.

Her pulse quickened as she looked over Elizabeth’s shoulder.

“I do love him. I am not denying that.”

“You are denying him, though.”

“I… I am afraid,” Diana admitted, hanging her head. “Being abandoned by a man I didn’t love hurt me and almost destroyedme. James… If I let myself believe him, if it’s all a lie, then I won’t survive it.”

Elizabeth grabbed both her hands. The two women exchanged a look of empathy and love.

“If survival is what you are looking for, then yes, forget about him. Lock yourself up with your threads and your books. You’ll be safe, I can guarantee that.”

Diana swallowed. That was for the best. It was. It should be.

“But if you are looking to live, not just survive, then you can’t keep running from your heart. Take the risk, Diana.”

Diana fell silent, her hands trembling. She turned back toward the window, watching the gentle sway of the trees in the garden below, but her thoughts were elsewhere.

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