Page 63 of Accidental Vampire

“I can’t believe I’m sitting here discussing the realities of decapitation.”

“Just be thankful Richard’s not here or he would regal you with the quantum physics ramification of murder suicide pacts or some shit.”

“They said I killed someone.” My voice was soft. I didn’t have anyone else right now who might listen.

He was silent for a long time. “OK” was all he said.

“What? No buck up little camper, it happens to the best of us.”

Shaw kicked his dangling feet like a kid sitting in a big boy chair. He pulled the elastic out of his hair and raked his fingers through it, like he was taking a moment to enjoy the starlight in his hair. When he spoke, his voice had a soft edge to it. It was tainted with memories.

“For mortals, morality is black in white. They are blessed with brief lives where consequences never ripen. We don’t have that luxury. A long time ago,” he paused and lit another cigarette, admired the glowing tip for a second, “I watched a mother beat her child viciously. I wanted to kill her, for that and for other things. But I didn’t. Something got to me about not making a kid an orphan during a famine. That kid grew up to be a soldier that raped and tortured thousands. One of his survivors ran death camps in a war nobody remembers.”

I tried to take that in but couldn’t. I was toomortal,maybe. I could barely think past my next pay check. Thinking about lifetimes or centuries was beyond me.

“We get the special joy of watching the results of our decision across generations.”

I smoked and thought about that. I took a life. At least Aurora said I did. The terrifying part was I didn’t remember. Omar. Lachlan said his name was Omar. I didn’t even remember the name. He was a person and now he wasn’t anything because of me.

“How old are you?” My curiosity won out over thoughts of murder.

“Never ask a lady her age.”

“Is that some vampire rule?”

“Nah, it’s because I don’t know. Peasant boys back in the day didn’t have Google calendar to tell them what day of the week it was.”

“Is it always this…” I struggled for the right word.

“Hard. Yeah, probably.”

“Scary.”

He laughed. “Yeah, and it gets worse when you find things to care about.”

“I can’t go back home again, can I?” That was another fear that I couldn’t speak until just now. I had died. I mean, my heart was still beating, but Tiffany Hartford, the girl who couldn’t find a job and had to hustle to pay rent. That girl was dead and gone. I couldn’t just walk away from it all. I couldn’t walk away from Monique.

“No, Dorothy.”

“How did you make the break? Like, what did you tell loved ones?”

“Ah, simple. They were all dead.”

“You are no help.”

He lit two more cigarettes for us. Maybe I could take up chain smoking. I’d have to find a way to pay for it. Do vampires have jobs? Everyone needs money, right? I could launch my own line of vamp made knits if I ever figure out how to not shred it to bits.

“This is harder than it should be. And that’s…” now he struggled for the right word, “unfortunate.”

“How do you mean?” That startled me.

“There’s a reason we don’t make vampires this way. We make them in seclusion. So there’s less sensory input. It helps you gain control faster to not be around so many people.”

Yeah, I figured that one out for myself. None of this was normal. But I guess we were all trying to make the best of a shitty situation.

“Looking back and questioning past decisions won’t make moving forward easier. Regret is also a luxury that only mortals can have.”

Like he read my mind. We sat for a while, swinging our feet and smoking. The stars mesmerized me. I’ve only seen stars like this on vacation. Monique and I had scrounged up enough cash to take a three-day cruise. We drank a bottle of coconut rum on the deck just to marvel at the night sky. Fuck. I didn’t know if I could live life without her. How was I going to tell her that her best friend had become a fictional creature?

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