Page 23 of Accidental Vampire

“You bit me?”

“Weren’t supposed to be there, you see?”

“No, back up. You bit me? What the fuck does that mean?”

“Fucking Nadine.” He pinched the bridge of his nose like Nadine, whoever that was, was the source of all his trials and tribulations.

“Fuck Nadine. You bit me?” Stay on target here buddy, for christ’s sake.

I needed more space. This… cell… was too small, too small with him in it. His presence was taking up all the free space. I could feel myself sweating now. My stomach growled and cramped. I licked my lips. My tongue felt like sandpaper.

“I, ah… You weren’t supposed to be there. I… and then you…” He stammered. Panic. His panic wrapped around me like nails on a chalkboard. His panic, not mine. I could tell it was his panic. My panic felt different. I could feel dry heaves coming on.

He looked at me like it was the first time. His eyes shot wide, like he was horrified. He settled himself and I met his eyes. I nodded. I didn’t know what I was agreeing to. But I tru… no. I couldn’t trust him. I couldn’t trust this.

“I bit you…” he was stilted and halting, pushing out all these waves of “you’re gonna be OK, baby” at me. I nodded again.

“I bit you and made you a va…” he paused, licked his lips. “I made you a vampire.”

Now it was my turn with the puppy dog head tilt. I felt the words crash over my body, caress its way to my ears and settled into my brain. My faulty CPU of a brain spooled up and opened a half a billion browser tabs, trying to compute those five words.

I made you a vampire.

Vampire.

Vampire?

Obviously my brain didn’t have a pop-up blocker, and some malware had gotten in there and was now stuck on “Vampire”.

“Vampire.” I said the words like they were in an alien language, my tongue not quite knowing how to roll it out.

I looked around the room. I avoided his eyes. I was in a gray concrete box. I was in clothes that were not mine. I didn’t feel... I felt… something had happened to me. And he was…

Insane.

That’s it. I was in a cell with a crazy person.

“Vampire.” I said flatly before a giggle escaped. I covered my mouth with both hands. That was useless. Giggles could not be contained. The insanity of the moment crashed into me. Laughter was the only response that seemed… well, sane. Once it started, I couldn’t stop it.

Vampire. What the fuck?

“Oooo,vampire,”I said with mocking, scary jazz hands. I slid to the floor, holding my stomach. I’m going to laugh till I puke. I laid flat on my back and waited for the fit to stop.

“That was the stupidest thing I have ever heard, and I have heard a lot of stupid things in my life.” I managed to get out in a gasp around unhinged laughter. My stomach was cramping now. I curled into a ball, hoping to find some relief. He was there, staring at me, crouched again. He was looking at me like I had two heads, like I was the deranged one, not him, running around telling people he was a vampire.

“No. You’re not emo enough.” I propped myself up on an elbow, between breaks in giggles.

“Pardon?” He drew back like I slapped him.

“Or is it goth? Doesn’t matter.” I waved the thought away and struggled upright. The seasick feeling was raging now. I brought one of the discarded water bottles to my mouth to squeeze out another drop. My mouth was so dry.

“I’m telling you the truth.”

“Yup. You bit me. Vampire. Got it.”

Fuck it. I’m in a serial killer cell. I wasn’t going to be the blond cheerleader in a B-movie slasher.

If he was a serial killer and I was going to die in this cell, I was not going to be terrified over mythical fucking creatures.

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