Page 43 of Where We Call Home

“I can’t believe you named the cockroach.”

This woman was something else.

Seventeen

Yesterday’s apartment hunt was a disaster. The smell of mildew and dead bugs hit me the second I walked in. The place was musty, the paint faded, and I watched Stan dart out from under the fridge like his life depended on it. I tried to convince myself that some decorations and incense could make it livable, but who was I kidding?

Rhodes pulled me aside and confirmed every sinking feeling I had. I didn’t want to be right. For once, I wanted to be wrong, so wrong. I wanted to hear that it wasn’t that bad, that it was within my budget, so I should jump on the offer. Instead, he asked me to move in with him.

Asking Rhodes to come apartment hunting with me wasn’t about pity or hoping he’d feel bad about what I could afford. That thought hadn’t even crossed my mind, but now guilt had settled deep in my chest. I didn’t want anyone to feel sorry for me—I’d had my fill of that in life.

If I moved in with him, we’d have to stop the flirty glances and fleeting touches I’d secretly started to crave. My mind spiraled, replaying the feel of his hand in mine and the soft graze of his breath against my ear when he complimented me. Memories of the way I’d moaned his name in the shower, imagining it was his hands on me—it made my cheeks burn red hot.

“Ugh!” I flopped back onto the bed, groaning into the ceiling. What the hell was I supposed to do?

In moments like this, I wished I wasn’t at odds with Penny and Aspen. They had no idea I was upset with them—it was my own internal conflict. I wanted to go back in time, shake some sense into myself, and fix everything. Nothing I was angry about even mattered. But now, the silence between us was too long, the embarrassment too heavy.

That was my problem lately: I felt too much and couldn’t control it. The other day, when I snapped at Cassie, she was just trying to help.

I usually didn’t care what others thought when making decisions, but right now, I needed guidance. This was too big to decide alone. Who better to ask than my mom?

Dragging myself out of bed, I trudged downstairs. Mom was at her craft table, working on a puzzle.

“Hi, Mom,” I said, my voice soft.

“Hi, sweetie.”

I pulled out a chair and sat down, reclining back to ease the ache in my lower back. Mom was piecing together a puzzle I’d brought her from Italy. She never traveled, but she always asked me to bring back puzzles from my trips. It was her way of exploring the world—a little adventure in the comfort of home.

“Can I ask your opinion on something?”

Mom slowly looked up, her eyebrows raised in surprise. “You never ask for my opinion.”

I picked up a puzzle piece, fiddling with it between my fingers. “You know I’ve been looking at apartments.”

“Yes, with that cute guy, Rhodes,” she said with a knowing smile.

I glanced at her and rolled my eyes.

He was pretty cute, but that was besides the point.

“Well, none of them were…nice,” I admitted, cringing at my lack of robust vocabulary.

“There’s time,” she reassured me. “You still have a couple of months before the baby’s due.”

She wasn’t wrong, but I wanted to get settled before I was too pregnant to move comfortably. I turned the puzzle piece over in my hand, searching for where it fit. Placing it down, I grabbed another piece.

“The thing is, Rhodes asked me to move in with him.”

I focused intently on the puzzle, avoiding her gaze. I slid another piece into place, only for her hand to stop me from picking up the next one.

“Look at me,” she said softly.

I reluctantly met her eyes.

“So, what is it you want from me?” she asked.

“I don’t know if I should,” I admitted, though it wasn’t entirely true. Deep down, I knew moving in with Rhodes was the best option. The thought of giving someone that much control over my life terrified me.

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