Page 18 of Where We Call Home

Sometimes, when I think too hard about the future, guilt creeps in for not finding her father. But just as quick as the thought comes, I always manage to pull myself out.

The truth is, I don’t want the stress. Having someone drift in and out of her life wouldn’t be fair to her. Even if I wanted to, I wouldn’t know where to begin searching for him. Greece is a place I’ll never see the same way again.

I laid back on the examination table, staring at the stark white ceiling. The walls were covered in outdated blue wallpaper and framed pictures that seemed older than I was.

This was the only doctor’s office in Faircloud, serving as a one-stop shop: primary care, OB-GYN, dentist, and optometrist. The practice had been running since “B.T.”—Before Theo. That explained the decor and the faint musty smell clinging to the wallpapered walls.

“There’s her hand,” the technician said, pointing at the screen. My chest swelled with pride and warmth as I gazed at her—my little girl.

I wanted to reach out and touch the screen but held back, watching intently as the technician adjusted the angles.

Every time I saw her, I dreamed of dressing her in cute outfits, imagining her as my mini-me. I thought about what her voice might sound like, what color her hair would be. Would she be tall or short? Athletic or artistic?

Being a mom was going to change me, hell it already has. I’m realizing I can’t handle everything alone. I’ll need to accept help, open my mind, and set my stubbornness aside.

Focusing on the ultrasound, I reminded myself of what mattered most. All the anxiety and fear melted away whenever I saw her. She’s my biggest accomplishment, and she isn’t even here yet.

As I slipped back into my clothes after the appointment wrapped up, my phone buzzed repeatedly. A series of text messages came flooding in, one after another.

Penny: Tequila Cowboy tonight?

Aspen: Yes! Boone and I will be there!

Penny: Do we know if Mac is bartending?

Aspen: I’ll ask Boone!

Aspen: Boone said, “How the hell would I know?”

Aspen: But I’m making him ask... Men. Smh.

Penny:

Penny: If he isn’t, I’m not going.

Aspen: Confirmed, Mac will be working!

Penny: I’m doing a happy dance.

Penny: Where’s Theo?

Aspen: DON’T IGNORE US!

Theo: I was at a doctor’s appointment. I don’t think I’ll join.

Aspen: Why nooootttt!

Penny: Yeah, come on! We miss you going out with us.

Aspen: I feel like we never see you anymore. Do you not like us?

My face flushed with frustration. My thumbs hovered over the keyboard.

They didn’t see me anymore because everything they wanted to do involved drinking or late nights—things I couldn’t do.

I loved them with everything I could but sometimes I felt like I was the third wheel. I didn’t enjoy reading, I wore dark colors and was as far from bubbly as one could be. Being the odd one out at their hangouts was my personal hell.

They seemed oblivious, continuing as though nothing had changed. It left me feeling alienated, like I was being left behind. Over the past month, I've noticed a shift. Did they not feel it?

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