Fuck.
I REALLY DIDN’T WANTto be pissed at Heron. Or jealous. Or wishing I was anywhere else but having a conversation with Heron’s beautiful ex-girlfriend and watching the glances she kept stealing at the guy I loved, indicating maybe she wasn’t over him. I didn’t know what to think.
“Heron? Can we talk?”
He faced me, reaching for my hand, and I let him take it. “Sure.”
We walked for several minutes before we could find privacy. The rally seemed to grow since our arrival, and the crowds were thick. We walked until we reached the tents, noting that ours was empty. Good.
I pulled my hand away, needing clarification about Cerys and his past. “Why didn’t you tell me about her?”
He sighed. “I should have. Didn’t cross my mind.” His shoulders lifted in a shrug. “You’re the only woman who occupies my thoughts. I didn’t keep it from you on purpose. Just didn’t seem important.”
That was good. Maybe that meant he didn’t have feelings for her any longer. “You must have loved her.”
“I did.” He paused and frowned. “But I was young and stupid, and I fucked it up. Remember when I told you that my parents died?”
“Yes.”
“I was so fucking lost when it happened. Losing my dad hurt worse than my mother. I felt guilty about that, but it was true. We were so fucking close, Rebel.”
“I’m sure it was hard.”
He shook his head. “Not just hard. It fucking devastated me. I became reckless, wilder than I already was, hotheaded, and full of anger. I pushed everyone in my life away, including the one person I loved the most at the time.”
Cerys. “She must have been hurt.”
“I know she was. Cerys was sweet—a good girl who rebelled against her controlling parents. I was the cocky bad boy she wanted. When my dad died, I couldn’t handle it, and I walked away. I knew it hurt her, and I didn’t care. I wasn’t capable back then.”
He seemed sad.
“And today was the first day you saw her again?”
“Yeah.”
“What do you want, Heron?” Sure, that question had multiple facets. I needed to know what he felt. “Are you going to talk to Cerys about this?”
“I don’t know.”
I stiffened, slowly backing away. He didn’t know about me? Or us?
“Hey, why are you looking at me like that?”
“You don’t know what you want?”
“That’s not what I said.” He seemed frustrated. “I don’t know if I’ll ever see Cerys again. She walked away with Brax, so probably not.”
“And us?”
“You know how I feel about you. I’ve never kept that a secret.” He approached me, staring into my eyes. “But you’ve got secrets too. It’s not fair that I’m laying all mine out for you to see, and you’re keeping all yours locked up tight.”
Blinking, I knew he was right. Even now, I didn’t want to think about Paul or the past. The shit with my parents. The awful things I’d been through. The baby . . . He’d never see me the same.
“Well?”
“Heron. I can’t.”
“You can’t, or you won’t?” His eyes darkened, and I could see the angry, bitter, lost young man he’d once been. That part of him lingered close to the surface with today’s revelations.