Page 33 of Subtracting the Heart

If only Cade and Ford were with him. They were far better equipped to address what was on Hans’ mind than Jax. He had no idea how the fuck to explain sexual things to his teammate, but as he looked at the poor guy, he knew he had to say something.

“Okay. Now, answer me honestly so we can get to the bottom of this. Was this the first time you’ve been with a guy?”

The big kid looked at his hands before meeting Jax’s eyes. “No, I played around with a couple of friends over the years… you know, circle jerks and hand jobs, even a blow job or two, but I always told myself it was just what high school guys did. When I got signed to play for Minnesota, I didn’t do anything but date the girl my mom likes. Her name is Holly.” Hans clanked at the carpet again, and Jax’s heart ached for the big kid. Accepting one’s own truth wasn’t easy.

Jax went to the mini bar and pulled out a mini bottle of Jack, knowing he’d need a little liquid courage to get through the conversation. After he poured it into a glass over ice, he went to the chair next to the couch. He took a hearty swig and looked at the kid, sure the guy was wearing his heart on his sleeve.

“Do you like having sex with women?”

Jax knew several guys in the NFL who were bisexual. It wasn’t as uncommon as one might think, but they stayed under the radar with their male partners by being photographed with women a lot. He held no animosity toward those guys. Everyone took their own hide to the market in life.

Hans’ face melted into a frown. “I haven’t had sex with any women. My parents chose my future wife, and we’re only in the courting stage. We’re set to go out together from church after the season ends.”

Jax swigged down the rest of the drink and placed the glass on the table. “How old are you?”

“Twenty-two. I came into the draft out of high school.”

After considering the right thing to say, Jax wanted to offer the kid a lot of advice regarding the ins and outs of being gay, but maybe that was too much information in one bite, so he drilled down on one thing to say.

“Hans, I understand how confusing love and physical attraction can be, but when you’re seventy and sitting on a porch somewhere watching a beautiful sunset, do you want to hold the hand of a woman or a man? Don’t answer it for me. It’s for you to answer for yourself.”

Jax thought about the answer as it pertained to his situation, and he could see himself sitting in a rocking chair at a house near the lake, holding two hands. The hands of the men he loved more than his own life. It was an exquisite vision.

Turning to Hans, he held the younger man’s gaze. “Boy or girl? That’s what you need to think about, but right now, you need to go to bed and worry about tomorrow. If we win tomorrow, we go rollin’ into the postseason with the home field advantage. Worry about who you’re gonna fuck after the game. Trust me, you’ll have men and women lining up to spend time with you, Hans.

“You can’t live your parents’ dreams. I know it firsthand because I grew up in Louisiana, and my mama and papa had their own ideas about how I should live my life. They didn’t jive with my ideas, but I had to live my life for me… just like you.

“Go to bed, kiddo. Worry about the game tomorrow. You have the off-season to figure out all the other bullshit.”

With those pearls of wisdom, Jax showed the defensive tackle out and closed his door. He crutched over to the mini bar and pulled out another small bottle of Jack, placing a few more cubes into his glass.

Jax grabbed his phone off the charger and dialed Ford’s number. It rang through, so he hung up. Why he thought his boyfriend would answer on New Year’s Eve at a gay dance club was ridiculous. He called Cade’s cell.

It rang twice before he heard one of the voices he loved. “Mr. Delacroix, how are you?” Cade answered, sounding sexy as hell.

“I’m trying to settle into bed, but I hate being by myself. Where are you, chére?”

“At the Greystone with the boys. They’re all upstairs having a video game tournament of some sort. I watched an old movie downstairs and decided to take a bath in that huge tub. Are you by yourself?” Cade’s voice echoed, confirming for Jax that he was in the large bathroom.

“I am. Linder stopped by, but I sent the kid to bed. How about you? What are you up to?” Jax lowered the tenor of his voice.

“I’m trying not to miss the two of you, and I’m trying not to obsess over meeting with Lionel again on Wednesday. I’m afraid this thing won’t go away, Lucky.” Jax sensed the worry in Cade’s voice, and he wished to hell he was there to hold him and put all the bad thoughts out of his head.

Jax could only think of one way to get Cade’s mind off his troubles. As much as he wished it was phone sex with him, he knew it wouldn’t be enough for Cade.

“When I get home tomorrow night, I’ll take your mind off things, I swear. In the meantime, let’s think about the positive—you got to spend the holidays with your brother, which was something I know you didn’t expect. Any word when his mother’s going to pick him up?”

Jackson had no idea what the three of them would do with five homeless teens, but there had to be something within their power to help those boys. They were good kids from everything Jax could tell, and they didn’t deserve to be cast aside. There had to be a place for them somewhere.

“Apparently, Hudson is supposed to be arrested in the next few days. Amy’s at her aunt’s house for the holidays, and Cheryl didn’t want Ash home until his father’s out of the picture. I’m anxious to speak with Lionel to see what he found out about Kenneth Shaw. Hang on a minute, Lucky.” The volume of the television on Cade’s end of the line became louder.

“Three homeless shelters catering to displaced LGBTQ+ teenagers were raided tonight across the Chicago metro area. The police received a tip they were allegedly operating as brothels, according to sources.”

“Jax, those shelters are also run by Kenneth Shaw. What’s going on?”

That was exactly what Jackson Delacroix wanted to know.

What the fuck was going on?

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