Page 8 of Orc's Pretend Mate

No. What am I thinking? I cannot lie, not about that.

The empty ache in my guts and the cold throbbing around my heart stops me. I hear her upstairs. Her tiny feet on the stone floor. I watch the stairs but she doesn’t come down them.

“Nothing,” I say, loud enough I am sure she will hear me. “It is nothing. Sleep.”

I drop heavily onto the couch. I cannot. Not this. The lie would be too much. Too heavy for me to carry.

Sleep forgotten, hours pass while I sit and try to find another plan. No matter how I turn it over there is nothing that has even a remote chance of success. Almost every plan I come up with ends with the two of us dead sooner rather than later.

Eyes heavy with the need for rest, I stand and go to the chest I keep next to the door. Kneeling, I untie the leather knot. The lid creaks its need for attention as I lift it. Inside I move aside the few mementos I’ve kept from my life until my mudrosti appears, lying on a piece of crimson cloth.

The cloth’s touch is soft as I scoop the mudrosti up. I raise the wooden stick before my face, frowning and running my fingers along its length. The carvings along its length tell the tale of my life from birth to the end.

The end where I quit working it at least. The exact moment in time when I lost all hope. I trail my thumb over the miniature carving of my wife and child. Losing them, I lost my reasons. Life had no meaning and I had no purpose.

If I do this, even pretending to do it, am I betraying her?

Though my thoughts are heavy with concern, exhaustion demands rest. I put the mudrosti away and return to the uncomfortable couch, intent on getting at least some rest. Perhaps in the morning things will be more clear.

4

PHOEBE

His bed is surprisingly comfortable. I’ve not slept in a bed since we left the bunker. I don’t know how long ago that was but it has to be closing in on a year. The Cavern Zmaj sleep on stone cushioned by these thin mattresses filled with a straw-like material. They’re okay, but nothing compared to this. His bed feels as if it’s filled with downy feathers or something similar.

Since coming to the Urr’ki city I’d been sleeping on Kintos’ couch and was perfectly fine to do so here with Vapas but yeah. He was very insistent. I roll onto my back and stretch. The soft mattress conforms to my body and even the blankets are thick and warm. Wonderful.

I slip out from underneath them and sit on the edge of the bed. I put my shoes on then fix the bed, squaring up the blankets and pulling them tight. Satisfied it looks good, I make my way down the stairs. Half-way down, I hear a loud rumble and my stomach drops as I freeze in place. What could cause such a noise?

Cold chills race over my limbs but there isn’t any better option then to keep moving forward. Coming to a decision, I makemy way ahead, albeit slowly. The noise comes again. It sounds like the rumbling of the trash compactors back on the ship. Those were massive. Designed to handle tons of trash at a time that it would compress into bales which would then go to an incinerator for recycling.

I tiptoe down one step after the next. The noise happens twice more before I reach the lowest stair, but this last time it makes sense. Vapas is on the couch but he doesn’t fit. One arm is over his head, the other is lying over a coffee table. His legs hang off the end of the couch from the knees on.

And he’s the source of the sound. As my feet touch the final step it comes again, but now I can see his entire body arcing with it. His back arches, he tosses his head from one side to the other and then, as if he’s blowing out some blockage, it rumbles out. His inhale is ragged and raspy then settles and there is silence for a time.

I blink rapidly, biting my lip. I have the strongest urge to laugh. It’s not funny, I know. He’s clearly uncomfortable but the way he’s sprawled over the couch with a blanket lying on his midsection makes him look like he’s trying to sleep on a child’s toy. As if perhaps he got drunk and passed out in a kids bedroom.

It’s incongruous enough to hit my funny bone. My general stress level doesn’t help. I’m freaked out enough that it feels as if I’m dancing on the edge of a full on nervous breakdown.

Maybe I should throw myself over that cliff. I’ve heard that if you completely lose it you don’t worry anymore. If everything is funny, how worried can you be? Not much Phoebs, not much at all.

Vapas has been nothing but nice to me and there is no way I’m going to laugh at him. Or let myself go mad, at least right now, because he’d have to deal with that too. That’s not fair to him and no matter what, I do have a sense of what’s right and wrong still.

All of which leaves me with one burning question. What now? He’s asleep and I don’t want to wake him up. I also don’t have anything to do. We haven’t had vids since the crash. Back home, with the Zmaj, I’d hang out with my roommates or friends. We’d talk, play cards with our makeshift set of them, or find some other way to pass the time. If I was absolutely bored I’d clean.

Cleaning has possibilities but Vapas keeps a neat home. Looking around from my perch here on the stairs I can’t spot even a speck of dust. My belly gently rumbles, wanting breakfast. That’s something I could do. If I move carefully I can be quiet.

I tip toe my way to the kitchen. Kinto didn’t let me cook or do much of anything really. Kinto did his best to pretend I wasn’t there at all, but I watched and saw how the equipment works. Giving credit where credit is due, at least Vapas has acknowledged I’m here.

He stood up to them. For me.

That’s more than anyone has done since I got here. My heart beats a little faster as I remember him quietly defying the Maulavi. Is he a good one? A good man, or alien, or whatever?

Despite the layout being more or less the same, he doesn’t keep everything in the same place as Kinto did. I am moving slow to try and be as quiet as possible. Finally I have a skillet and some food to cook in it.

I set to work. Warming oil in the skillet while I prep some vegetables. I find a refrigerator like thing that has a small chunk of meat in it. I don’t miss that there’s not a lot of supplies and am sparing in how much I prepare.

Once everything is prepped I throw the chopped veg into the hot oil. They sizzle as the oil pops and snaps. I sprinkle random spices while stirring it until the odd colored vegetables begin to crisp. Then I toss the bits of diced meat in with it.

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