Page 49 of Orc's Pretend Mate

She shakes her head but a tremor passes over her.

“Nothing… it’s fine,” she says.

But it’s not. She is… scared? I don’t understand what is happening but I sense it and it is wrong. This is not the two of us coming together, this is her giving me what she thinks she must.

Shaking my head I take my hands off of her. Unsure what the right thing to do is, but doing the one thing that seems to makesense. I grab her pants and slide them back up until they are at her butt and I cannot bring them further up without her participation.

“Wha…” she trails off, clears her throat then tries again. “What?”

“You are not ready,” I say, turning my back to let her finish dressing without my eyes on her.

I pick up the chair and set it right, keeping my back to her until I hear the shuffle of her pulling her pants up and her feet touching onto the floor. Silent, she comes to stand behind me and places her hand on my shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” she says.

I turn and take her into my arms.

“Never,” I order.

“Never?”

“No. Never. You will never be sorry, not for this. Not for anything if it is in my power to prevent it.”

She blinks, moisture filling her eyes. Her lower lip trembles until she grips it between her teeth. I brush her hair back into place so that it frames her delicate, perfect face.

When this happened I do not know, but the certainty of it hits now. I do not know if she is my dragoste returned, but it doesn’t matter. I am no philosopher. Debating the possibility of esoteric spirituality isn’t important. What is important is this moment. The way I feel and the way I know she feels.

What matters is us. That there is an us. That, no matter how it came to be, she is my dragoste now. It does not lessen my love for my former dragoste. If anything it expands it because I stillhave love in my heart to give and to share. My former dragoste would never want me to live as I have been. Waiting to die so I could find her again. That is not life or living.

“Vapas… I…”

“It is okay,” I say.

My cock is slowly softening and while it is protesting, a cock has no mind and only fulfills its purpose. I am not a slave to its needs or desire nor to anything but my own mind, my own heart, and my own decisions. And this is my decision.

“But—”

“You feel it, don’t you?” I ask, cutting her off.

She is taken aback, pulling apart and looking away. I don’t take away my touch on her sides, but I ease my grip so she can step away if she wants. She doesn’t though, she stares down at the floor.

A soft sob is her first response and it feels as if my heart shatters. I say nothing, though. This is for her to work through and though I want to help, want to guide her through it, that is not something I can do.

“I… do,” she says, hesitant.

I wait, giving her time to say more but the moment stretches and she remains silent. She’s shivering though. Gently I pull her closer and she doesn’t resist. I wrap her in my arms, holding her to my chest.

Unexpectedly, she sobs. She convulsively wraps her arms around me and then the moisture from her eyes is soaking my shirt.

30

PHOEBE

Icannot believe this. Believe him. Believe me.

Come on Phoebs… it will be fun. You know you want to.

The memory fills my head. Todd’s voice. Needling yet sounding sincere. I was a fool. Why did I trust him?

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