Page 26 of Orc's Pretend Mate

“Wh—” my throat is too tight to get the words out. I clear my throat, look at the mug in my hand and almost take a drink but the memory of how it burns gives me pause. I cough twice then try again. “What was it?”

Vapas tosses his own mug back, wiping his mouth with the back of his arm. The mug clanks against the table and then he fills it again. His hand trembles as he does. He raises it to his lips, stares into it for a moment, then tosses it back.

“Vapas… please,” I say.

He rolls his neck and shoulders, filling the kitchen with a loud cracking as his bones shift. He inhales, holds it, then exhales sharply. Finally he looks at me. My stomach is on the floor and I’m so cold that it’s all I can do to not be uncontrollably shivering.

“The Maulavi are suspicious,” he says, blinking slowly.

“What does that mean?” I ask.

“They will come,” he sighs staring into his empty mug. His eyes shift from it to the bottle and I expect him to fill it once more but he sets the mug down instead. “We must be ready.”

“Ready?” I ask, my throat dry.

I need a minute. Maybe two. Fuck. It feels as if I’m on some wild ride. Every time I think things are settling and going to be okay, I get jerked in the opposite direction.

I wanted to talk to Vapas about what happened between us. Work out, or at least work through, some of these feelings. My eyes burn as pressure builds behind them.

I’m not going to cry. I’m not. Damn it. I’m not.

Vapas studies my face as if he’s memorizing every line and flaw. I’m instantly self-conscious, averting my eyes as I shift from foot to foot. I raise and drop my hands, twist in place, then clear my throat again.

Giving in, I take a sip of the drink, hoping some ‘liquid courage’ as my dad used to call it, will help. It burns across my tongue, down my throat, and sits in my stomach like a roiling ball of flames.

I blink and gasp, shaking my head. A half-smile forms on Vapas face and he mutters something that I don’t catch.

“Ah, gods,” I gasp, giving in and waving my hand in front of my mouth hoping to ease the burning. “What did you say?”

“Huh?” Vapas grunts. “Nothing.”

I don’t know why, but his denial makes me irrationally angry which also gives me the courage to meet his eyes again. Or, maybe it’s the alcohol but, either way.

“No. I heard you say something. What was it?” Vapas frowns then looks away. He shakes his head and shrugs. He gestures with the empty cup then turns his back. “Vapas…”

He turns back, meeting my eyes. He frowns, then shrugs.

“Like her,” he says.

“Her?” I ask, absolutely confused on who or what he is referring to. He shrugs. “What do you meanher?”

He swallows, opens his mouth, snaps it shut and then turns away. He cleans his mug in silence. I watch him work, wanting to know, but at the same time not wanting to push him to talk because I already feel like a jerk.

“Vapas,” I pull a chair out from the table out and take a seat. I should go back to the conversation I was trying to have, but the courage I had built up to confront that is gone. Still it’s what I intend to say, but instead my mouth does a dodge. “What do you mean ready?”

He finishes cleaning and puts the mug away. Turns and grabs the forgotten towel, wipes the table, then shakes his head and pulls the chair out and sits.

“I am sorry,” he says. “I was… wrong.”

I bite my lip. Damn. Here it is. No running away. No dodging. I don’t know Vapas well, but I shouldn’t be surprised. He doesn’t seem like the ignore it or avoid it kind of guy.

“It’s not… it wasn’t… just you,” I say. “I wanted to tell you… it’s okay.”

His eyes bore into mine and it feels like he sees the truth. As if he knows every detail about me. Something in my brain itches. I can’t stare into his eyes like this. They’re so sincere, so open and honest and here I am afraid to let him in.

“What happened… I did not intend,” he says.

My lips tingle with the memory of his. My hand drifts across the table, moving as if it has a mind of its own. I know I’m doing it, but at the same time, it sort of feels as if it belongs to someone else.

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