Page 21 of Orc's Pretend Mate

I’ve built walls around myself for as long as I can remember. I learned the hard way early in my life that trusting someone only opens you up to pain. Depend on yourself. That’s how you survive.

But Vapas… he’s breaking through those walls, brick by stubborn brick.

I stop pacing, my breath catching as another memory surfaces. The way he held me when the Maulavi were watching. It wasn’t just the kiss. It was everything about him in that moment. Protective. Determined. Using his body as a shield between me and the danger. My fingers brush my lips, as if trying to recapture the fleeting warmth of his.

“Stop it,” I mutter to myself, shaking my head.

My body doesn’t listen. It remembers him too clearly—the strength in his arms, the heat radiating off him, the faint, musky scent that clung to his skin.

I grab a rag from the counter and scrub the already-clean surface. Anything to distract myself. Anything to bury these feelings that keep clawing their way to the surface.

I shouldn’t be thinking about him like this. He’s not mine. He’s not anyone’s. And even if he were… I shake my head, this time more forcefully. No. That’s not the point.

The point is that this is fake. It has to be fake. Pretending to be his dragoste is the only way to survive here. Letting myself feel anything real would be a mistake.

Deep down, I know I’m lying to myself. Because no matter how much I want to pretend otherwise, some part of me wanted that kiss. Some part of me needed it.

My legs feel weak. I drop onto one of the chairs at the table, leaving the rag on the table. I bury my face in my hands, trying to sort through the mess in my head.

What am I supposed to do?

Trusting Vapas feels like stepping onto thin ice. But pushing him away feels like denying myself the only solid ground I have left.

And the worst part? The very worst part?

I think he sees me. Not the mask I wear, not the strong, untouchable version of myself I’ve spent years perfecting. No, the real me. The scared, broken girl hiding behind it all. And that thought terrifies me almost as much as it comforts me.

I sit there for what feels like an eternity, the quiet hum of the house wrapping around me like a cocoon. Eventually, the storm in my mind settles into something calmer, but no less confusing.

Maybe I can’t figure this out right now. Maybe I don’t have to, but one thing is clear: Vapas is more than just my protector. And that realization is the most dangerous thing of all.

13

VAPAS

Itold her I would not touch her without her permission. I swore it as solemnly as the sky swears to hold the stars. And yet…

My fingers tingle from the feel of her. My lips burn with the memory of hers. I didn’t think. I acted. The Maulavi were watching, their anger sharp and dangerous. I saw no other way to divert their attention, to shield her. But now, the weight of my actions presses against my chest like a boulder.

I’ve broken my word. Not only to her, but to my wife.

The streets blur as I weave through them, my feet carrying me farther from the house and her. My jaw clenches and my fists tighten at my sides as shame warps with something darker. Something I don’t want to name.

Desire.

It shouldn’t have been there, not in that moment, not with her.

Phoebe.

I whisper her name in my mind, the syllables tasting foreign and familiar all at once. I can still feel the softness of her lips, the way her body fit against mine, the plump fullness of her ass in my hands. It was supposed to be a distraction, a pretense. But it became more.

And that terrifies me.

When I looked at her, I didn’t just see Phoebe. I sawher.My mate. The woman I lost so long ago, the one the gods themselves tore from me. I see her in the curve of Phoebe’s cheek, in the fire that blazes in her eyes when she’s angry. Even her stubbornness mirrors my wife’s, the way she pushes back against me when I try to protect her.

How can that be? My mate is gone. I should not see her again until the next world. And if she did return, how could it be Phoebe? A Star Person? There is nothing in all our traditions I know of that says this is possible.

And yet…

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