Page 21 of Used By the Unicorn

The technician swirls the instrument. “Can you see it now?”

“No!”

Stirling leans over me, pointing to the screen. “There. See?”

Something twitches on the screen and I see it. And yeah, they look more like stumps than arms, but it’s human shaped. It’s real. “I see it.”

The technician laughs when I get so excited he has to re-arrange the scanner. He finds the spot again and takes some pictures. Pictures of the baby’s spine and neck, of his head and heart. My baby. This little creature living inside me. How could I ever have doubted I wanted this?

My heart is all warm and gooey inside my chest and, even though my bladder feels like it’s about to burst since I haven’t been allowed to pee for hours, I sit patiently through the rest of the scan, smiling at the screen and dreaming of a tiny warm bundle that one day I’ll get to hold in my arms.

A real, tiny little human. One I’m growing and shaping. It’s a big responsibility. I hope I’m up to the job.

“How do you do it?” We’re walking side by side along the harbor eating ice cream when I finally decide to tell Stirling what’s on my mind.

“Huh?”

“How do you always defuse me like that when I’m going off?”

He laughs. “Like a bomb?”

I laugh too. I know myself. “Yeah. Like a bomb.”

He’s quiet for a while. I take another mouthful of ice cream.

“I don’t know. I guess I just say whatever comes into my head. I’m glad it works though.”

“I’m glad, too. I need that energy in my life.”

We walk a little further, both quiet. Eventually, I turn to him. “Thank you for coming today. I needed that, too. What can I do to make it up to you?”

He shakes his head, tossing his blue mane into his eyes. “You don’t have to do anything.”

“I want to, though.”

Stirling smiles. “Then come have dinner at my house, with my herd. Come meet them.”

“I’ve met them.”

“Meet them again.”

I look at him. “I can’t make any promises beyond friendship. I want you to know that, OK?”

He takes my empty ice cream cup and tosses it in the trash with his. “I know that. That’s why I’m going to keep working on wearing down your resistance. One medical appointment at a time.”

I laugh. “Well, in that case you’re in luck. Pregnancy comes with near weekly appointments, as far as I can tell. I’ve no idea how I’m going to afford them all.”

“I could help with that, too.”

I shake my head. Now I know I’m really starting to like him. “No. I won’t take your money. Not anymore. Not after today. Probably the second stupidest decision I’ve ever made, but that would feel wrong. Let’s just try the friend thing, OK?”

TEN

Stirling

Two steps forward, one step back seems to be the way with Jade. Add the blue balls I’ve been nursing for weeks now and you’ve got the instructions for the most fucked up barn dance ever.

I don’t know what setbacks tonight will bring, but I’ll take it. Having her round to meet the herd feels like a giant leap forward, so whatever it is will be worth it.

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