Page 11 of Unhurried Hearts

“Do you want me to drive you to the airport?” I ask Ashlyn.

Ashlyn’s expression is quizzical. “That’s what Ijustasked. Anna, are you okay? Is it too hot in here? I can open a window at the top.”

Suddenly, I have an overwhelming urge to get things off my chest. Everything feels so heavy, like the humid air is clinging to my troubles and giving them extra weight.

“I lied about going all the way with Darren,” I blurt.

She tips her head to the side while she takes that in and places who I’m talking about.

“That guy you dated last year?”

I nod. “Yeah, we never did have sex. I’m still a virgin.”

“Why did you…” she considers her words, “Why did you think you couldn’t be honest with me about that? I don’t care if you’ve had sex, Anna. It’s not important.”

Sure feels important to me. I guess you can say that when you’re getting it on the regular in every room of your heritage house. I glance at the table covered in spilled soil and seed packets. They better not have done it in here.

“I don’t need it to be some big production. But Darren…” The tears that spill over my sweaty cheeks feel impossibly hot.

Ashlyn’s expression grows fierce, her deep brown eyes narrowing.

“Did he hurt you?”

“No! Not likethat,” I clarify.

I tell her about how I was so hopeful that Darren might have been the right guy to finally go all the way with. I let my tears flow freely as I explain how wrong I was. Something about the snug space feels safe, and there’s no other person in the world that I’m more comfortable with. Crying on Ashlyn’s bed as a girl while she rubbed my back was practically a routine. Her house was a respite for me growing up. I had as many sleepovers at her place as possible. Keeping this secret all bottled up from her was silly.

She takes me by the shoulders, looking right into the centre of my eyes. “He should be embarrassed, Anna. Not you. What a grade-A asshole. And I still hateThadfor all the crap he put in your head. It’s wrong.”

I squeeze my cousin’s shoulder to calm her.

“I know thatnow. But I’m still really gun-shy. I haven’t even been on a coffee date with anybody since. How lame is that?”

“I’d say forgoing dating for a long while after an experience like that is perfectly acceptable. Hell, I might swear men off forever.”

“Believe me. It crossed my mind.”

We each plant a few more lettuce starts. Condensation drips down the glass and I raise my head in time to see geese flying overhead in an uneven v-formation.

“I want to try again.”

Her shoulder nudges mine. “Oh? Anyone in mind?”

I glance over at the deck and every detail of the other night comes back in full force. His scent, his warm arms, his flirtation.

“Someone like Chris.”

I’m filled with intense longing to be close to him again. Am I really going to let Darren, or Thad, or hallway guy keep me from giving this new thing with Chris a chance?

“How much like Chris are we talking about?” she asks.

“Just, you know…the whole DNA sequence.”

She bursts into laughter, and I can’t help pulling off the floral work gloves she lent me and fisting my hands on my hips.

“What is so funny?” I swat her with one of the gloves.

Every time she starts to sober, a fresh fit of giggles overtakes her until she’s bent in half. The corners of my lipstwitch. I still don’t even know why she’s laughing but a moment later I’m bent in half and gasping for air too.

---